A Romantic Aspie

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I was stating my goals for the most part. If I state my goals and be upfront on what I like and what I am looking for, I have a better chance of success. I have tried to think of it in both directions, but sadly, I think I have a clearer understanding of what most woman want in a man: "funny and exciting". I am not the funniest man in the world (I think I have a good sense of humor though) but I just roll my eyes in disgust when I hear a woman say "exciting". I have no patience and little respect for women who say this because it makes me think that the woman in question is way too materialistic and cannot appreciate a quiet guy who lives a very simple life that's quiet, routine, and uncomplicated.

Matthew

emp: Good point.

One I'd add - men should ask themselves, (NT men or AS men doesn't matter) while looking for a serious relationship... "what will I do with her once I find her?".

How will I try to make her happy? What are my goals as a couple? What do I want? How do I plan to make that happen? What will I do day to day once my life includes someone else?

Once you get her you still have to meet her romantic and couple needs somewhat or she won't be happy. After all most women can do the rest on their own.

Okay,

Let's suppose for the sake of discussion that you two are right and that I haven't been focusing on the needs of a potential partner. What do women want in a guy like me? I would imagine that she appreciates kindness, honesty, communication, romantic affection, someone who is understanding and patient with people, and someone who will respect her and not abuse her. That's what I imagine a great woman would want.

Am I missing somethings? If my list is incomplete or if I am missing some important qualities that a woman should want, please be sure to list them. As for Popsicle, I would have to get to know a woman and learn what makes her happy. As what I will do once I meet her and get involved with her; I will most likely work (study, if I am still in school) and then spend my free time with her, whenever I can. Spend quality time with her in the evening and any chance during the day. Do pleasant activities with her. If I am missing anything, I am open to advice.

So Popsicle, what am I missing that without, I can never hope to satisfy any woman (please don't take my sarcasm too seriously)?

Matthew

Hi Matthew;

Sorry my reply seems to have upset you. It was not my intention.

I was thinking in general terms of all men, especially as I browse the forums, of AS men, (but this is something all men NT or AS can think of, for their future!). You, yourself sound like a very kind and well meaning soul! And I am sure that the future lady in your life will be very lucky.

It also was not a criticism. It was simply advice. I assume that's what the forums are for... so others can give life experience and lessons learned so others may avoid the same pitfalls. That is what I was trying to impart. I'll share with you that my husband looked for a wife for three years. Yet it is clear to me now that he didn't actually think of what a woman will need.

In a marriage all the things you listed are wonderful and even essential! But I was speaking more to the day to day concerns. For instance people vary on how often to 'be together' in a conjugal way. A husband should think of this before marrying... does he like that part of marraige? If not he should be up front about it during dating. Does he have enough income to pay at least his half of the bills? If not he should try to be more financially secure perhaps (although he can always meet a woman who's set to pay more than half I suppose!). What about children? Does he want them? Can he take the chaos and noise they bring (along with the joy)? I feel that too often people do not think of these types of things in a very honest searching way, before actually marrying.

The thing is... although women love romance, it takes a lot of practical hard work to run a household together and build a life together and a future. Even more so with children added. Children have a lot of practical/physical needs, to be cared for, and their future provided for. I'm NOT saying that you had not thought of any of this. But rather, that too many men don't. It was a general comment, even if it was made in your personal thread Because others read this too. Now if I had sent it via PM, it would have meant only you. (I'm sorry for the misunderstanding though)

The things you named are all wonderful but they are only the tiniest part of a marriage. NOT the least important part... but most marriages break up over arguments about money for instance. The other things are for instance - do you want her to work too or stay home with the kids... do you mind if she keeps up her single life hobbies... or goes out after dinner time to a movie alone... these types of things. What do you imagine the day to day life actually being?

If one person wants to read in front of the fire together and the other wants to go out dancing once a week... those tiny types of disputes can end up causing big problems in the marriage. So despite two people's best intentions divorce still occurs - half of all marriages end in divorce.

I think the successful marriages are the ones who go into it knowing it's a lot of hard work as well as teh candlelit types of things. A lot of women do complain about the lack of romance in a marriage... but just as many also say that they can never relax because the lawn isn't ever mowed or the bills ever paid. Or hubby works too much. Etc. Shared view of married life and shared values are extremely important.

I hope I have clarified but if not, tell me.

(And please note, I do not assume any of the above is how you'd be!! I'm only warning others due to my own sad experience!)