Dysfunction of Attraction: A condition in and of itself?

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Dating and relationships. For most, they come naturally and effortlessly; some go their entire lives with little rejection at all. But for some, the task proves to be a daunting one. No matter what they attempt to do, they can't get somebody to feel attracted to them. And for the majority of that group, it proves to be extremely frustrating. Self-esteem plummets, and this is dealt with in many ways. One of the most extreme is, resigning one's self to life of sexlessness and solitude in frustration.

Could it be that the inability to "be" attractive to others is a condition in and of itself? It causes distress to those affected by it, it's outside what is typically considered "normal"...the inability to find a romantic/sexual partner despite repeat attempts could very well be a health condition.

I will term my theory Dysfunction of Attraction. Dysfunction of Attraction is, essentially, difficulty in expressing an aura of romantic/sexual appeal to others that comes naturally for most people. I'll lay out some tentative criteria:
- The individual consistently fails to garner romantic and/or sexual interest from the opposite (or same) sex despite repeat attempts for a period longer than six (6) months
- The individual suffers moderate to severe psychological and/or emotional distress as a result of the dysfunction.
- The individual is at least pubescent or post-pubescent.

Dysfunction of attraction cases typically manifest during the adolescent years, when the affected individual finds his or herself "left out" of typical teenage dating games. They may depart from adolescence without building vital love life skills most people develop in this age bracket. This can serve to create difficulty in developing and maintaining interpersonal relationships during adulthood, where there is both not much time and opportunity to experiment and not as much room for error.

Certain conditions are more likely to be primary, or the cause of the distress. Asperger's Syndrome and other autism spectrum disorders can cause an individual to miss subtle body language and cues that individuals unconsciously show to express sexual interest to another person. While the person may perceive themselves as undesirable, this is merely erroneous perception: perhaps they are both merely missing the subtle cues and disregarding interest in a perfect storm of untreated autism and poor self-esteem as a result of the perceived lack of attraction.

Co-morbidity with other conditions is essentially a given. Conditions such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia, various personality disorders, and especially body dysmorphic disorder can all be secondary, or acquired conditions as a result of both actual and perceived lack of attraction. People may attatch themselves to a specific trait they view as the primary impediment to attracting a partner; be it weight, height, facial features, personality, etc. Personality disorders both be primary and secondary to the condition. Schizotypal personality disorder may lead members of the opposite sex to view the affected individual as "weird." Disillusionment with repeat romantic failures can also lead to borderline personality disorder, where the individual begins to think that the repeat failures mean their shot at love will never happen. Such thoughts can be the result of splitting, as their disillusioned state of mind causes them to begin thinking in terms of "them" and "normal people who can get relationships."

Depression and anxiety are pervasive as well. The depression and anxiety can either be primary or secondary to their dysfunction of attraction.

So, even if dysfunction of attraction doesn't hold up on its own, it still could be termed as a pattern of thoughts and co-morbid disorders that serve as an obstacle to success in one's sex life. If something can be termed as a condition, it follows that there can be a treatment plan that best suits these unique individuals. If you have something causing you psychological and emotional distress that is not typical in the general population, you don't quit! You find ways to fix it, like you would any condition of a mental nature. Something, organic or cognitive, is preventing you from living a normal life and if you address the problem like you would any other condition, there can be success in overcoming the condition and finding a partner to satisfy your emotional and sexual needs.

What treatment would be appropriate for this condition? First and foremost, it is vital to address the primary, or causative mental disorders. Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome can be trained to recognize particular body language through non-hostile "practice dating" given by a psychology professional who is an expert in the area of relationships. If depression and anxiety are causative and idiopathic (not reactive), there are effective medications to reduce the impact of these disorders.

Ultimately, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can prove invaluable in the management of this condition or group of conditions, including the disorders secondary to the condition. Although little research has been done to prove the following statement, it can be reasonably said that, in an otherwise healthy man or woman, defects in paradigms of thought are the primary stumbling block to romantic success. Previously unknown insecurities and complex emotions exist in people who have dysfunction of attraction, and by sorting these out, the individual can gain a stronghold on his or her life, eliminate patterns of thinking that only serve to self-deprecate, and take vital steps toward improving their personal life. Vital skills in the formation of interpersonal relationships that were not developed during adolescence can be instilled and kindled in a structured, organized manner.

By recognizing dysfunction of attraction as either a condition or a pattern of co-morbid conditions, psychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists can work with their patients toward a more structured goal: the cessation of repeat romantic failures in their personal lives. In addition to treating both underlying conditions and conditions resulting from the dysfuction of attraction, patients can also receive additional specialized and personalized advice that will help them achieve their personal life goals once their other conditions have been sorted out and dealt with. The reality of such situations behooves those working in the field of psychology and neuroscience to perform more research into the conscious and unconscious contributions to human sexual attraction so that we may address this problem as the health condition it is.

I invite all of you to discuss.

Was tired when typing this so bear with me..

Yeah, unfortunately whether we like it or not, peer and social relationships and what they think have a real impact on our lives. There's not just a hormonal desire for the opposite sex, there are real human needs and cravings for companionship and warmth. Not having those is something that in many cases can effect your life negatively.



I agree, dating is a valuable experience but i'm not going to say its ultimately important to do it by a certain age. I think maintaining strong relationships is important in general. There are many people who maintained social skills effective enough to date say after highschool. I agree there is more time to experiment so those fortunate enough MAY gain the advantage by being young and having less responsibilities.

But often with being young, you're not wise enough to know how to handle many situations and for those who do have it, they often can take such relationships for granted or their implications. There are many people I know who have had opportunities taken away from them because they had a relationship go far to the point that it wasn't at a maturity level they were ready to take it and had kids young.

Now while they cherish their kids but they could've had the kids later and not had the struggle that came with having a relationship so young. Many think they have control in these cases, but hormones don't work at the same pace logic does. So these teens are forced to change their lives, stay with someone who couldn't have fully matured at that age in order to raise a baby together and adjust. All i'm just saying here, that relationships at a young age don't always benefit in our society. Even if they start as being non-sexual.



I agree, it is erroneous. If you're feeling anxiety in many cases, you might not even hear someone flirt with you. I know i've definitely been dazed, when i've described situations to my gf about people at work and she claims they were flirting. Low self esteem, bullying and being teased as a result of lack of social skill and dyspraxia at a young age can make you doubt yourself a lot.

Also taking things literally and realizing that life wasn't the black and white version of things tv and religion made it out to be didn't help matters when judging situations. In movies, it starts off with a girl being with a stereotypical loser. He hits her, or he gets drunk or is verbally abusive and then she meets this guy who is sweet and nice and would die for her. She ends up with the nice guy.

In real life, how this happens is the "loser" in the movie is more subtle and the girl ends up having his baby and staying together years after the fact to try and make it work. This in some instances can take quality people off the market in both cases.

Anyway bottom line here is relationships in many cases can be life long and rewarding experiences. I think not having them isn't going to end your life but in the case of healthy relationships they can enhance your life and make it more fulfilling. (Kinda like owning a dog)

I actually could call dysfunction of attraction a condition, just because it gives you the inability to naturally have children.

Let alone not having children. This condition is a condition simply because it can fit the criteria of any medical condition: it interferes with somebody's way of life, and, if not cured, could be largely treated with a structured plan.