rejection and obsession

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just rejected any tips for dealing with obsession

honestly? i'm not an aspie.... but i'm finding i have the same obsession problems once i've been rejected (talk about something i've dealt with recently!)... the best advice i have (and that i've recently received) is to try to avoid the person (if you see them on a daily basis)- don't give them any more attention or justify to them that you really were affected by the rejection...

in the meantime, focus your attentions elsewhere... to friends, other people that you might like, or even hobbies... it makes the days pass by seamlessly and replaces that feeling that loneliness and rejection can sometimes instill in someone...

i hope that helps!

well im still trying to keep her as a friend, but im tired of obsessing over her

i don't think that you can keep someone like a friend in that case... in fact, thats exactly what i tried to do in my case and its done nothing but backfire... when he gives me a little attention i think that maybe he might like me again... or i think that maybe theres still a chance for us to build a relationship....

i think the best way to get over obsession is to remove yourself entirely from the source of your obsession, namely her... if shes out of your life then that leaves little to be obsessed over, honestly..

Sometimes you just need some time away from that person. I was only able to get over an obsession I had with my college friend when I stayed out of touch with him for over a year. You'll know when you're over her and that is when you should try to contact her to see if she wants to be your friend, too. BTW, my friendship with the friend from college is now going on 24 years, so it can happen! Good Luck!

Time. Realize she won't be the last. My friend was super depressed because a girl he knew rejected him. He is probably still thinking of her years and years after this started. The thing is, he sees her all the time - thats not going to help him.

As well, the guy thinks she is a dream girl. As hard as it will be to realize this (and I've trouble myself), there will be more. This guy, he found this girl within a 5 minute car drive. If he found perfection 5 minutes away from his house, I'm more then sure that a 20 minute drive will more then quadruple that.

But, its easier said then done. Another "trick" is to find something you disliked about her. See, with the obsession, you probably played, in your mind, how great she was, over and over again. Well, what you might not have done is have the negative things about her circulate through your mind over and over again. Might take some work since it may be new, to you, to do that, but it may help.

As well, next time you meet someone you think is amazing, quickly find some stuff on her that ISNT. A mole, lazy eye, hair colour, she doesnt "swear" enough, etc. That'll help prevent some obsessive thinking.

I have no tips either, since this is a common problem that I have.

I had a person (one time friend) in my life whom I have been obsessed with for 20 years. He has told me a number of times that we can't have a friendship since there is nothing that we have in common. He has even expressed this to me in a profanity laced e-mail. The best thing that happened in this relationship (or lack thereof) is that he moved away. It was no longer convenient to contact him.

I am struggling with an obsession right now with a 25 year friend. I was never obsessed with him until he became the mayor of his flood damaged community. This obsession plays into the obsession that I have with the flood that hit our n. The few times that we have seen each other in person we have been congenial with one another, but he never returns e-mails, has been terse with me when I have called him, and even denies my Facebook requests.

I have learned though in order to get over an obsession with one person, means become obsessed with another. Also, I was obsessed with a couple of people that became acquaintances due to life circumstances later on. One was a sensitive and tolerant individual whom tried to get me involved in similar activies to channel the obsession with him. Another one was a fellow basketball player, whom was assaulted and laid up in a coma for six weeks. Even though we were close before the incident (through b-ball), my obsession toward him was channeled to assist him with his therapy and relearning life skills. Even though we have very little in common, we still talk to and kid one another on Facebook.

I am in a similar situation. A friend rejected me romantically, but agreed to be friends. So the correspondence laster for 8 more months, then she cut contact abruptly. A few months before she cut contact, she went from being open and friendly, to being evasive and acting as if she was hiding something. If it was because she had found someone else, she had the option of letting me know. But she was secretive.

Then 6 months after she cut contact, I got an explanation, and only because I had to get a friend to talk to her on my behalf. It turned out she had found someone else, and because of that, she couldn't even be my friend anymore. In fact, it turned out she had cut contact with all of her opposite-sex friends.

She was one of only two female Christian Aspies who liked the things I liked. The other one broke up with a drug-addicted ex-boyfriend, then a few months later, went back to him.

That happens to me alot whenever I really like the person and they eventually rejected me, normally I would find it so hard that id have some sort of meltdown over it and then I can't stop thinking about the girl for days and days and days. What I'd try and do is avoid just randomly picking a girlfriend unless I know the girl has feelings for me and I have feelings for her and now i'm with the girl that i got... it was just recently I got her back

People who fear rejection in relationships typically tend to replay the scenario over and over and over again in their mind while they attempt to figure out what they can do so that it doesn't happen their next attempt.

But the reality is, people are selective. For both you and them, there is a specific "type" of person they are looking for. Perhaps you're not what they in particular are looking for, but you are almost assuredly someone else's "type."

And it can also be for reasons other than you. Perhaps she was in a bad mood. Perhaps she's just being self-protective. Maybe she's seeing somebody already. It's not *always* you.

Basically, you need to identify when you do the continuous "instant replay" of the rejection scenario, and stop yourself in the act. Replace it with a rational and constructive thought, one which does not self-deprecate.

Like several others have said, the best thing you can do is distance yourself from them for a time (for long enough to let you move on from your obsession). This doesn't mean that you can't still be friends, you just need to have a hiatus.

That's what I am trying to do as well. Even then, however, I haven't heard from her since June.

BTW, what does circular syncopation mean?

I'll admit there had been someone whom I had strong feelings for maybe a couple of years ago, though I was probably not aware of any hidden agenda of this person but, felt very sincere about my feelings towards this person neverless but, it was never mirrored which, made me feel as if I was somehow extremely unattractive or something was sincerely wrong with me.Actually, nothing was wrong with me even though, my AS did cause me to feel insecure a component arising from scenarios in my past.Still, I eventually let go of this person cause, deep down inside it more or less was nothing more than wasted time and energy.. Today I keep my eyes open but, try not to align myself with someone whom has any sort of malevolence about themselves whatsoever.. I'm not having un-realistic expectations just, don't care for shallow people that's all...

This is actually a fairly common phenomenon...women cutting off contact with male friends once they find their match. I guess they're afraid they dont' want to be tempted into an affair...