Dudes--Getting hit on.
11 Jan 2010, 9:14 pm
Salonfilosoof wrote:
biostructure wrote:
I guess what matters more is from the woman's point of view. If it's simply that having money makes her feel confident that I won't rely on her down the line, that's one thing. But on the other hand, a guy who has a successful career but is possibly too young to seriously fall in love might be a harder beast for women to wrap their heads around than a guy who appears to be in starting stages with everything. And any woman who thinks sex comes with a "you must act this adult to ride" limit is a BIG turnoff.
I have a decent, well-paid job. That's not the problem. The problem is that I'm living alone and I have trouble keeping my house clean and eating healthy on a regular basis. Although my best friends are helping me to find a way around this, it's still a major burden.
AspiRob wrote:
I agree with what you are saying. However, the point I was making in my post you have quoted is - based on observation - women of quality tend to expect men to be able to demonstrate they have the potential (if not the reality) of being a good provider. Not that being a good provider is the be all, end all but it appears to help. More to the point - again, based on observation - women that choose to be with men who obviously don't have their sh** together tend to be losers who can't do any better. I have seen this phenomenon in action many a time. When it comes to this class of female, I have no intention of fighting anyone for them.
You can't generalise. You don't always know how to recognise how well someone manages to run his own life until you've first seen how and where they live. Many people have already developed feelings for someone before they ever see the other person's place.
I do agree, however, that there are some women like the ones you describe. I find them easily inclined to enter a relationship to boost their own self-esteem and equally eager to dump you as soon as their self-esteem is strong enough for them to stick on their own or to pick up their dream date. Probably every relationship I've had fell into this category and it's starting to piss me off.
AspiRob wrote:
I did point out that being eternally single does have its disadvantages. To which, the acquaintance asked why I would want a woman anyway. His logic was that.....
a) I'm happy not having friends. Why would I want deeper relationship?
b) I never talk to or about women anyway (Hell - I rarely talk period). Do I even like them?
c) I am so busy with pursuits now that I would have no time for a woman in my life.
d) I am probably the most selfish person alive - I have no feelings for anyone else.
e) I am intensely private. I never share myself with others. How would I survive actually having to reveal myself to a woman?
f) I spend most of my time inside my own head ( I get widely criticised for that so it must be obvious to the NT community at large). I don't care to relate to the world around me except if and when it suits me.
a) I'm happy not having friends. Why would I want deeper relationship?
b) I never talk to or about women anyway (Hell - I rarely talk period). Do I even like them?
c) I am so busy with pursuits now that I would have no time for a woman in my life.
d) I am probably the most selfish person alive - I have no feelings for anyone else.
e) I am intensely private. I never share myself with others. How would I survive actually having to reveal myself to a woman?
f) I spend most of my time inside my own head ( I get widely criticised for that so it must be obvious to the NT community at large). I don't care to relate to the world around me except if and when it suits me.
a) I wouldn't know where I would be today had it not for the help of my friends. Don't underestimate the importance of a solid friendship.
b) I generally don't like women from a mental point of view. I like them physically, but mentally they often tend to annoy me rather than attract me. As such, I prefer women with somewhat masculine behavior.
c) You can make time for a woman, although it takes soem getting used to.
d) Neurotypical people always tend to see us as selfish because we don't have empathy. It's annoying, but we have to live with it.
e) You have to learn to trust people and share. The benefits far outweigh the downsides.
f) Most of us feel quite alienated from the NT world for a significant part of our lives. Therefore I'm mostly interested in women who also feel alienated for whatever reason.
AspiRob wrote:
there is just no way I would be happy in any form of deep relationship with a woman. More to the point, if I ever did get into a relationship, the woman and I would just drive each other nuts. Push come to shove, the only thing I want a woman for is sex - and not often at that. There are a couple of brothels in the city where I live and money is not an issue - problem solved.
If you enter a relationship with a neurotypical woman, it is indeed likely you would drive each other nuts. However, you may have better luck with some more excentric women.
to me - much of the time when i go out shopping, to bk, etc - i just throw out vibes that basically say ''[removed by lau]'' - then much of the time i can go about my affairs w/o people bothering me.
11 Jan 2010, 10:07 pm
AspiRob wrote:
Hate to be the one to tell you this but being able to eat healthy and keep a house clean are basic life skills. Even I can do those. If you are still to master the basics of living, I suggest you do that BEFORE you look for a woman. From what I have seen, the only women that go with guys lacking the basic life skills are often lacking in life skills themselves. Not the kind of women I'd ever want.
Lacking life skills wouldn't bother me much at all, especially since I could improve a little on them myself.
What would bother me much more is women who have a bad relationship with their families, such that they could never even imagine going back to live with them. I imagine that a woman who has almost completely cut ties with her family is more likely to want to rely on a boyfriend or whatever as the most secure source of support in her life, which is not a responsibility I'm prepared to handle. I really only think I could get along well with a woman who has at least a few toes still sticking back in her childhood, if not a whole foot.
The only way tension with her family could be a plus is if the not getting along is a result of her parents having tried to control her sexuality. Because in that case, I could very much identify with that position, as this resembles a problem I have identified in society as a whole.
This doesn't mean she can't live independently day-to-day, in fact that would be best since I do too. But just that she hasn't recently made an irreversible leap out into the world and started looking for people to break her fall.
15 Jan 2010, 4:55 am
I get hit on rarely, but that's fine. In the event that I do get hit on... I usually find it too hard to believe. I've been manipulated like that before, and I don't feel like taking the risk ever again. I don't think it's worth it. Everyone has an agenda... if I don't know what yours is, there's not a chance I'll trust you. I would have to form a relationship with someone I've know for a while.
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