Not sure how to move forward

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I've made much progress in the way of social skills, building confidence and calming my anxiety. But I'm afraid it wont be enough. I'm always looking for a nice girl my age I can have a relationship with and I rarely ever get to the relationship stage and when I do it never lasts long. There's a young woman I've got a bit of a crush on now, but I don't see how this time could be any different despite the improvements I've made to myself. I'll either fail to escalate the relationship correctly or if I get that far she'll realize how clueless I really am in a relationship and it'll soon end. Why should I bother putting myself through that again? If I'm going to pursue her affection then I want to be damn sure I'm sufficiently high-quality in everyway to do the job.

I need to:
1) build a better physique
2) get rid of my mild acne
3) learn how to dance
4) be more bold in my advances as well as being more confident in general

but all 4 of these things are going to either take alot of time or I'm not sure how to achieve them. I have a fairly fitness oriented lifestyle but I don't usually train for looks so you can't really tell. My acne wont budge with 2 showers a day, salicylic acid and benzoyl proxide treatment, towel over pillow, don't touch face, rinse face often thorughout day etc. etc. It's really just my hormones because I've been tested and most of my hormones are like that of a 16 y/o which is prime time for acne. I can't take dance lessons to get over my anxiety with dancing right now because of college. Being more confident and all that is something which it seems to me from experience I progress in a manner of epiphanies which come randomly rather than gradual and conscious progress.

Am I being neurotic or should I save myself the trouble ad get these things together before even attampting to pursue any women?

I reckon it's a shame you haven't got time for the dance classes now. Are you sure you can't go without some sleep to fit it in? Ideally you could ask the girl to take the classes with you. Sorry if that's not very realistic. Also, when I was a teenager I stopped eating anything with sugar and that seemed to clear up any acne I had. Diet impacts on the hormones - so it can perhaps make a difference. idk

I don't know why you think dancing and appearance are important for a relationship. Dancing would only be important, I'd think, if it's part of your lifestyle, which apparently it is not. Seems you like music. Lots of girls like concerts. Why not ask her to one and then ask her if she also likes dancing, that you have been wanting to take a dance class, but would like to have a dance partner for it. (Not all in one sentence, obviously -- or not so obviously to the likes of us.)

Well, good luck.

gnosis,

Just remember that although you are not completely powerless to solve this or any problem you may encounter in your life, there's only so much you can do. Once you've exhausted all seemingly reasonable options, and the situation still does not improve, then sometimes it's good to just say to yourself, "ok, I'm not in a position right now to solve this problem", set the problem aside, and move on with life. What this does is allows you to do a bit more learning and growing in the interim, allowing you to become more mature and wise in your dealings with people and the world as a whole. You may come across new information when you least expect it. Armed with this new knowledge and experience, you can then one day revisit this old problem you had, and suddenly find that it is then much more tractable.

There are some things you just can't control right now. Acne issues often subside after a few years. Sure you could work out and eat healthy and build a better physique. You could learn to dance, since knowing how would be better than not knowing, at the very least. I suppose you could be more bold too, if you think you have room for improvement there. But successfully doing all of those things is no guarantee of anything date-wise, and perceived failures may have nothing to do with you personally at all! It may be because of where you are, or the kinds of people you meet. It could be the age of the people, after all people's expectations at 25 are drastically different from those at 19. It could be that the range of people you meet is very constrained and restrictive. It could be all sorts of things. And if you know you are continuing to make progress on social skills and building confidence, then progress is progress, and progress in this avenue makes most things, including dating, a heck of a lot easier and enjoyable. Just don't be afraid to make a few mistakes and it'll all be good.

Hope that helps some!

I agree with Stinkypuppy; you don't want to burn yourself out. If you want to make lifestyle changes, do them for yourself, not for a future partner.

As long as you are clean and act like a decent human being your fine

Some hard lessons I learned from college with respect to this:

* Don't feel like you're entitled to a relationship, ever, even if you make improvements. In fact, going by the people I know in relationships, I think you may have improved enough. Stinkypuppy more or less told you this better than I would have.
* As long as you're not seeing anyone, have as many prospects as your time and interest allow you. Don't focus too much on one or even two or three women you don't know all that well. Don't rule anyone out for speculative reasons, and don't rule them out if they're seeing anyone (though don't ask them out either). If the amount of fellow students that you'd be interested in asking out isn't into double figures, join clubs and societies and make new friends until it is.

Apart from that we're in the same boat. Life is more or less splendid apart from the spectre of remaining single.

She needs to like you just the way you are. Sure it's good to learn new things and to improve on yourself. But whoever you enter into a relationship with should accept you as you are. If she does she will be willing to work with you on areas that need improving. It takes two in a relationship... you can not become Mr. Perfect and then the whole relationship just falls into place and last for years to come. She will have to make an effort as well. And her effort might be patience with you getting to things slower then other men. I would say be yourself. And be as upfront and honest about who you are and what you feel are your short comings. You might be surprised that it isn't a problem for her and or she will be more the willing to step up to the plate and help you get were you want to be in the relationship. Keep your head up actually caring about a relationship working and being willing to do what it takes is half the battle. If she cares for you she will help you fight the other half of the battle.

That isn't going to get rid of your acne.

If you were female I would reccomend some form of the contraceptive pill. I don't know what the deal is with males but for that you need to get advice from your doctor.

Im pretty sure there are acne treatments out there.

severe acne won't be affected by a change in diet. Not if its that severe. Its coming from deep in your system probably to do with hormones.

http://www.skincarephysicians.com/acnen ... eacne.html

More on medications down the bottom
http://www.pamf.sutterhealth.org/teen/h ... edications

Consult your doctor for advice.

@hale bopp
My acne isn't severe, it's just tenacious. I didn't want to take anything like accutane because you need to be tested often (I think for liver enzyme levels or something) and there are all kinds of crazy side effects that I dont want to deal with while I'm trying to lead a busy life at college. My suddenly increasing testosterone combined with stress are probably the main causes but I can't do anything about either of those right now.

@demonabyss10

It would probably be helpful for me to get sun but it's winter now and will be for a while more I'm taking vit D in 5,000 IU doses per day and it helps noticably.
and as far as being super fit, I'm an avid weight lifter but I hardly see much progress because I tend not eat/sleep nearly enough. So it really wouldn't be going too far out of my way to try and eat and sleep more which is really all I need to make some significant progress in looks/athletic performance.

I know I don't need to dance well and have a sculpted body to attract women but I'd like to be as presentable to women as possible. Not saying that I have to be perfect of course. These things would give me more confidence and my insecurities wouldn't get in my way so much.

don't forget your insides. I guess it depends on what you believe in, I personally have a 'Mists of Avalon' philosophy about love...there's this part where they are on the Tor and Morrigan is thinking that the two of them have known each other in many lifetimes (already I'm showing myself as someone maybe not to take advice from, lol)...anyway, it's this over-arching romantic stuff of being 'meant to be together' in which case your acne and all that stuff isn't going to be the determining factor. But you are 19 so it may be a bit different for you. Those things will all make you more confident so that is good.

Anyway, I have heard tons of people cleared up their acne by eliminating certain foods from their diet. Chocolate breaks me out. One girl said she had to get rid of dairy. For other people it's soda or chips. I would try this, seeing which foods my skin interacts badly with. Good luck on the externals but don't forget to be proud of the person you are inside.

You could try a bowel detox. You take herbs and eat really well for 10 days and it cleans out your insides.

I did one last year and i noticed no pimples in places I ued to get them on a regular basis.

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