Not sure what to make of this...

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...but i figured here would be a good place to seek advice.

Way back in November of last year, I was at the annual Eirtakon convention when I got chatting to a nice young bloke.
Let's call him Kevin. We shared interests, tastes in music, humor, movies and the like and it seemed to be going fairly well.
Having said this, I was still reeling from a break-up that had occurred two weeks prior and wasn't in the right state of mind to recodnize that he was flirting with me.

Anyways, we went our seperate ways for a bit, enjoying the con until we met out outside the ATM and once again got talking. Because of the noise, he suggested we go for a walk around campus (the con was held in one of the city's big universities) and get some air. I indulged him, feeling slightly heat-sick due to the humidity.

We ended up sitting on a wall near the tennis courts and having an in-dept chat about this, that and the other.
It felt easy enough to talk to him and he seemed preceptive to the fact that I needed a sympathic ear so I told him about the afore-mentioned break-up. He sympathised and basically said that "that guy was a total idiot"-which may or may not have been a line, I dunno- but regardless of this, he still asked to swap numbers.

I gave my number to him but my intention was purely to have him as a friend and someone to talk to.

He said-a little TOO entusiasticly I might add- that he'd call me the following Monday and we'd maybe "go for coffee" or something to that effect.

We parted ways and said goodbyes and that was that.

Monday came and I heard nothing from him so I just deleted his number and chalked it up to him finding someone who didn't give out so many 'just-been-dumped' vibes.

That was about 6 weeks ago and I'd all but forgotten about him when out of the blue last week, whilst in the middle of playing 'Dragon Age', my cellphone rang up with a number I didn't recodnize. Curious, I answered and it was Kevin on the other line, asking if I fancied going to this brand new anime convention on in Febuary.

So, we discussed that and fell back into conversation as if I was only talking to him the previous day as opposed to 6 weeks before hand. The reason he gave for the long lull in communication was that his message inbox was full and he'd only just recieved the text I'd sent to gve him my number.

(I am somewhat cynical about this...)

Anyways, we chatted for about an hour or so when he said that he regularly gets together with a bunch of other anime/sci-fi/comic geeks in town most Saturdays and invited me to join him 'whenever I might be free'.

Now this offer didn't feel to me to be an offer of a date but I could be wrong.

I'm not sure if I should take him up on the offer as he might get the wrong idea. I *AM* interested in him as the fact that he still decided to call me despite me basically coming over all "woe-is-me" shows that he's interested in me yet at the same time, alarm bells are going off in my brain that say he might be trying to pray on my 'vulnerability' and that it could be a 'pity date'.

He doesn't really seem the type to do such a thing but as I don't know him very well, I have to err on the side of caution.

Also, I worry that if I *DO* decide to go and meet him he might assume my interest is more than platonic and get the wrong idea.
Whilst I would like to have another relationship, I realise that I have a nasty habit of jumping into things too quickly and 3rd time around, I'd like to start off with friendship first.

I dunno, guys. The situation confuses me greatly. Part of me wants to follow up on this guy as he seems somewhat geniuine but I have to go with my sensible side and be cautious-I've only just glued my heart back together and the last thing I want is for it to fall apart again.

Mrrrr....

Recognize.

"Fools rush in, where wise men fear to go - but wise men never fall in love, so how are they to know?"

There is no love without risk, without some sort of pain attached. We can penalize those who come into our lives for the mistakes of others and our own as well, or we can take the chance for something greater. I'm one of those daft guys who, even when I got a number (not so much) or had one given to me (more often), took days, weeks or even months to make the call... especially when I was younger.


M.

Yah you are right...

Rush and rush and rush...

Maybe he feels the same way you do? Like there may be potential for a romantic relationship at some point, but at the least there's a friendship that's worth exploring right now?

I wouldn't worry about how long it took for him to call...maybe he was just trying to give you a little time to get over your last relationship...maybe he was busy....maybe he was working up the nerve. Could have been anything, really. And I agree - I don't think his invitation to join his Saturday group was intended to be a date - but it does sound like he wants to get to know you better. Why not go? If he moves too quickly, or makes the wrong assumption about your intentions, there's no reason you can't explain your boundaries. I don't know...life is short - why not take a chance?

@makuranososhi - you are deep, sir.

in my advice i would say TALK TO HIM! tell him how you feel, nicely of course, but explain to kevin that right now you are just interested in friendship. with my boyfriend i have right now i was coming off a bad relationship and so me and him would just hang out and talk occasionally, but just as friends. Soon we started to get closer then decided to start a relationship. But the only way this was possible was because we were open with eachother. When we first started talking i told him i just wanted a friend for now. He was very understanding and accepting. So in my advice the key to any relationship weather it be friend wise or dating wise they key is communication and understanding.

Aussie

in my advice i would say TALK TO HIM! tell him how you feel, nicely of course, but explain to kevin that right now you are just interested in friendship. with my boyfriend i have right now i was coming off a bad relationship and so me and him would just hang out and talk occasionally, but just as friends. Soon we started to get closer then decided to start a relationship. But the only way this was possible was because we were open with eachother. When we first started talking i told him i just wanted a friend for now. He was very understanding and accepting. So in my advice the key to any relationship weather it be friend wise or dating wise they key is communication and understanding.

Aussie

*flustered* I believe thanks are the 'appropriate' response; such things still challenge me. I don't know that I would consider myself deep... I've just tried to keep living instead of remaining stagnant in a museum of feelings and confusion. Your advice is sound; I think there are too few opportunities in life to dismiss them out of hand without cause.


M.

@makuranososhi....No thanks required - I always enjoy reading your posts.

"I've just tried to keep living instead of remaining stagnant in a museum of feelings and confusion." Not only is it a great objective, but the way you've expressed it is darn near poetic. Don't mean to embarrass (or flirt - as I recall, you're a newlywed), but if you don't write professionally, you may want to consider it.

Last edited by HopeGrows on 24 Jan 2010, 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

*chuckle* If you had been flirting, it would have been lost on me - and yes, I am a newlywed (11 weeks today!) - but I appreciate the feedback. The extent of my professional writing lies in the field of music; beyond that, other than writing technical documentation for training materials or music lessons, I only really write letters, posts, or free verse as catharsis. I posted a more recent poem in Art/Music recently, if you are interested.

Now that I've derailed the thread, back to it - let's look at base level results. Do nothing, guarantee result of no change. Accept the invitation, and a range of possibilities open up: it could be good, disappointing, confusing, romantic, fun, exhausting. But unless you try, there is no alternative to a static existence.


M.

Texted him last night- just a standard "Hey, it's ***** here. how're you keeping? Do anything interesting over the weekend?"
Just a simple, friendly text. So far, no reply. Remains to be seen. I'd call him up to actually talk but my worry is I'll get tongue tied and say the wrong thing. :-/ Mrrrggh..

Well, i think it's safe to say after this point that he's not interested. I texted him twice over the last week and not a single reply.
I'm sick of waiting for him to text or call, yet when I tried calling him myself, it went straight to answering machine.
To hell with it-it's not worth the hassle.

No it's not. It happens to me all the time. I get my messages ignored, so I delete the person from my contacts