Uh... how do I respond to "I love you" when I don'

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I won't say anything.

But to me it sounds like an opportune time for a hug. (Mind you, I am a huggy-bear.)

I would imagine that I'll know it when I feel it. My problem is that I typically don't feel human. I think I have some kind of depersonalization going on that prevents me from feeling it and other emotions.

Just tell your significant other "I care for you but I do not feel that I am in love with you yet. I may one day, I just need more time"

!

My boyfriend and I ended up having a whole discussion about what the word 'love' actually means. I really wasn't certain because everyone just says "oh you'll know it when you feel it" which to me just doesn't help. In the end we worked out our own definition and by that definition it can be applied in our current situation. So yeh, maybe if he says he loves you, try discussing the actual meaning of the word and working out what it means to you.

My Dad had the same problem. My Mum said, "I love you," and he said, "I do too..." lol

I've never had this problem, so I can't help you, but you could try "thank you..."

Isn't the distinction a bit of a construct? What is the tipping point?

Many people claim they are in love, but in fact you can surmise to responding to basic attraction, and then that becomes imprinted in their behaviour or not.

I think if somebody doesn't feel what they consider to be love, but they still want to stick around then nothing wrong with at.

I think you should just say "I love you too" as it will save a lot of agro and discussion.

It does not tie you to him or mean you cant finish with him later.

It depends on whether you enjoy discussing feelings for hours as if you say "I dont love you but ..." it will no doubt lead to hours of discussion, him giving you a hard time and emotionally punnishing you.

Lotusblossom, you're suggesting the OP should tell her bf she loves him in order to avoid aggravation and discussion? Lying about loving someone isn't exactly in the same league with a "Yes, I like your new haircut," kind of lie. The potential for unnecessary pain and heartache are enormous. I'm wondering how you'd appreciate someone lying to you about something so serious? Would you want to be encouraged to invest your heart and soul in someone under false pretenses?

Okay , I'm no genius here... but, the answer seems quite obvious to me . Respond with " I don't love you " in the kindest, gentlest way possible . Then excuse yourself from this man's life so the person who does love him can find him. After all , you couldn't be enjoying this, could you?

Love is not a magic wand it is a word and a feeling, it does not really matter to the partner what *I* feel, it matters how I treat them, and the feeling of love is irrelevant to treatment. People can love someone strongly and still choose to have affairs or beat you or take drugs, someone feeling love does not stop them being crappy so I see no reason why you should invest more in someone who does love you than someone who does not.

I love my boyfriend very much but I dont love certain members of my family and it is much easier and less painful for them if I just tell them I love them rather than make them feel bad for no good reason. If my boyfreind did not love me but told me he did, it would not bother me. I care about how he acts toward me but I dont care to control his thoughts.

Lotusblossom, you have a very interesting perspective. I understand your point about not bothering with total honesty when it comes to familial love, but I don't see romantic love quite the same way. I think the biggest distinction for me is that there are lots of things that bind a family together, other than love, e.g., common history, other family members, money, property, living arrangements, etc. If you don't particularly love a family member, they're still pretty much going to be a member of your family....the stakes in telling that kind of lie are pretty low. However, the only thing that typically binds a gf/bf together is liking/loving each other. So if the liking/loving is not real, the the whole foundation of the relationship is called into question.

I also agree that actions are more important than words - it's more important to act in a loving way than to say "I love you," (at least that's my interpretation of your post). However, I think the OP's circumstances are different. She doesn't love this guy. She may not even like him well enough to remain in the relationship. She may just be straight up incapable of love. In her situation, telling this guy she loves him is building the relationship on pillars of salt and sand, when he thinks it's being built on bedrock. It's not that she feels it and can't verbalize it - she simply doesn't feel it. In her circumstances (IMO), it would be much kinder to tell her bf the truth, and let him make up his own mind about how to move forward.

I can enjoy spending time with someone I like, but don't love. What doesn't make sense about that?

And I'm not going to lie and say I do love him so that if/when I break up with him he'll pull out the "but you said you loved me!" BS.

There are answers to that as well. You're not safe from all confrontations unless you hide in a dark cellar for the rest of your days...

What if I came up with a logical counter when he says "I love you"? Like this..

Him: I love you.
Me: No you don't. You're just limerant./You're just enamored with me./You just think you love me, but really you love how I make you feel.

Would it hurt less to him to find out that I don't love him if I managed to convince him that he doesn't love me, either?

See, I can compartmentalize my emotions. I KNOW that I don't love him. I don't mistake my enjoyment of cuddling for love or my wanting to see him for love. I think he may.

yeah i had dealt with that with my former ex she would always say "i love you" and id just be like ok. and then she would say wtf and not talk to me for a while. after a few times of this happening we eventually broke up.