Do girls like being treated badly?

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Um, no, I wasn't making this post because I feel unattractive. I'm actually not "into" anyone or looking for any sort of relationship at all, and am perfectly content with being single, so that's not why I brought it up. Not having a girlfriend does not bother me. Stupidity and hypocrisy do, though.

It's not like ALL women hate sex.

Its just her, not the majority of women talking.

Yes that is often true, and I'm sure it gets annoying for you to hear it over and over. But in defense of nice guys who dislike bad boys it is frustrating to have a crush on a girl then watch her pass you up for a guy who goes and cheats on her after a week (multiple times) while simultaneously treating her like crap. And then being the nice guy you are you have to sit there and listen to her complain about how all guys are jerks and she can't stand to be around any but you, but oh no she could never date you because you are to nice and she couldn't stand to lose you as a friend.

These things don't happen once in a blue moon either, but consistently, a variation of the same story repeating itself over and over again. I would know I'm going through it right now with two of my female friends, although one appears to be genuinely interested in me for once.

For my age group (22) the truth is this, if I go to the bar tonight I can be myself (a nice guy, NOT shy) and leave alone or be a jerk and probably leave with a girl. Believe me I've done both and the answer is always the same. And that's the problem, in these situations our virtues are held against us, and it sucks. If you ever have a crush on a guy who says he is looking for a beautiful, intelligent woman (or substitute whatever you want) and then when you come along says you are too beautiful and intelligent for him, and then proceeds to tell you all his various dates, you tell me how you feel. Probably pretty crappy.

I usually don't complain about this, and I probably won't ever again, but to just dismiss all guys who do complain about this phenomenon as bitter at women and the world for being passed up for another guy is a vast oversimplification of the matter.

You may not want to be treated like crap by a guy, and not looking for a jerk, but a lot of young women either do or based off who they date may as well be screaming to the world that they do. You don't, but other women do so why look down on otherwise innocent men who go through these ridiculous situations?

Anyways enough of that I'm going to the bar .

^ okay, I'll give you that but I still believe if not all men thinking this way are bitter, then you could at least consider the possibility that not every woman has the same idea as to what is a "bad boy" vs a "jerk" vs a "nice guy"

I've personally experienced situations where "nice guys" came off developing jerk (and even abusive like) behaviors though I dunno if this is their attempt to become bad boys or not. I know a handful of "bad boys" and only that one crazy ex of mine had abusive-like behaviors. So for someone like me, I wouldnt be able to tell the difference between the two distinguish categories.

I just hope that you're not implying that this is strictly a female issue cuz that is what this all seems to come off as to me. Guys have been capable of being in the same situation with girls. I've known guys put up with the constant crap of certain girls and they dont think to leave them. So yeah...

Last edited by raisedbyignorance on 06 Feb 2010, 9:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.

No girls worth knowing do. You might get some trashy ones that way, but the ladies know they're ladies and expect to be treated as such.

Okay well here's the thing: I've seen this topic being discussed on wrongplanet over and over and over and over and OVER again and I think out of all of the threads related to the topic this one seems to come off as the most close-minded about the situation

To consider all women "stupid" for staying in an abusive relationship is rather offensive when you dont understand the psychological trauma/aspects of being in one. It really DOES mess with your mind and logic when the abuse kicks in. From an outside perspective it's easy to not understand why the logical approach isnt taken in a difficult situation like this.

Yes I agree, I was just saying stereotypes go both ways. Some nice guys are very passive aggressive which is abusive in its own way. Some guys let their girls walk all over them and if the girl's aren't physically abusing them they are emotionally. Hell lots of girls are physically abusive to their men, just society is way more accepting of it, which is far from it being right.

And lots of times there are perfectly nice guys vying for a girl's attention only to get passed up for a self obsessive, serial cheater .

Well some women feel like they are trapped & that their boyfriend/husband will abuse them more or even kill them. Some women might have low self esteem & need to feel that they are wanted in some kind of way. Maybe they were physically abused when they were a child or they never had a good role model of a father/man in their life so they went for what they learned when they were younger. I can not speak for every women/girl out in the world but what i have seen are these reasons. It is kind of sad to think that this happens but it does. :/

Thats very, very harsh. Are you a virgin by any chance?

Some do it because they have no self esteem or sense of self worth or confidence.

People like you are deluded into thinking it's stupid barbie like bimbos who do this but often average looking low confidence girls who could be really nice stay with fat, ugly, nasty men for these reasons. .. Why, you ask? Maybe they hit bad luck and thats the first man they got and they think thats all they are worthy of.

Its really not very nice and really sad for these people.

Some of the bimbos may do as well. But I think what you said is generalised and extremely nasty, assuming the girls instantly aren't worth knowing.

Let's see - does ANYONE like being treated badly? NOOO! Let's stop stereotyping each other, please? I'm sick of people calling other people bad boys or jerks, or women bimbos and whatever else! No one knows who they are speaking to. I used to stereotype women very negatively, and I'm an as*hole for doing so. People are different. You have to look for how they treat others in general - their family...their friends, etc. All of these dating norms! BAH! To hell with it all!! ! Why complicate things? Sometimes, the simplest way is the best way. I'm sorry people; but this is why I'm always angry - how people treat people in general. What happened to good morals? Is it more fun to bully each other with names and labels than to do good things for others? Maybe that's why I'm single...I expect too much from others in the whims of ethics.

Yes. Believe it or not, it's by choice. I had the opportunity to lose it over the summer and decided not to. What does this have to do with anything? If I was bitter because I was a virgin I would be claiming that I can't get laid because nobody goes for nice guys.



I am not deluded in the slightest. In fact, over the course of a year I spent countless nights staying up late (to hours like these) consoling and advising one of my friends who was heavily infatuated with someone who verbally and emotionally abused her. She is an average looking, low-confidence girl. She, however, knew that he was manipulating her and fought her hardest to break free of him. She had the strength, self-respect, and support necessary to do so, and she now knows that she is a wonderful person and expects to be treated well (and if she ever forgets, I am quick to remind her). I have all the respect in the world for her, but I have no respect for people who have the kind of support she did and still run back to the same type of men.

Also, look at the last question the OP asked. "Is being a jerk somehow attractive?" That post served as an emphatic NO just in case he was thinking of trying to get women that way.

I do not like being treated badly. Reason why lot of them stay is because they are scared to leave or they have been brainwashed into thinking they aren't good enough and no other man would want them and it's all their fault and they deserve to be treated that way.

No, you misunderstand me. Its not because you've been whining about not being able to get laid, its your attitude towards women in general, which could either mean one of the following:

A) you can't get laid

or

B) You have not been laid due to your attitude towards women. It almost comes across as a superiority complex, meaning obviously, you're a virgin because no-one seems good enough.

The latter is why I expressed that opinion. Its not a critisism of your personality, I don't know you IRL. Its just how i see you as a person from your post.



Fair enough. Might be easier if you've been in their shoes though, you sound like my flatmate. Some people don't have the emotional strength not to go back to them.

Going back to someone you know treats you like sh*t gets complicated when factors like love, longing to be loved, wishful thinking etc are involved.

You can't just stop loving someone because you know they're damaging you. You can't just stop seeing someone because they make you cry every night if you think you love them. Just like you can't stop taking drugs when you're addicted, even though you know they are damaging you, unless you're a very very strong willed person.

Its very black and white, and reeks of someone who has not been there themselves, with little compassion for others who may find struggles like that a lot harder.

If love could be turned on and off like a light switch then there wouldn't be as many depressed and heartbroken people in this world.

It's not my attitude towards all women by any means. I don't exhibit any kind of superiority complex in the sense that I "look down" on people. I guess you could say I do view myself as too good for some people, but let me explain exactly how.

For the four years of high school, I had a crush on one girl. She was the kind of girl who ALWAYS had to have a boyfriend, and they were all pretty questionable choices (she wasn't abused or anything, there was just a lot of drama in her relationships and a lot of on-off breakups). I wasted four years of my life waiting for her to realize that I would never cause any of that type of drama and that she would have a great relationship with me, someone who actually really cared for her. I never want to go through that again, so I hold myself to a higher standard than I used to. There are PLENTY of people that have seemed good enough; unfortunately they have boyfriends now. I also trust my sister's judgment a lot more than I used to; I let myself get blind to everything but what I wanted to see in her, while my sister stayed objective (and accurate).

That only applies to relationships, though. I will be nice to and be friends with anyone and everyone who is nice to me (which is all but a few people). The reason I didn't get laid is because that girl does drugs, and I don't want to get involved with those.

I am well aware that love can't just be turned on and off, both from what I just told you (although I hesitate to call that love), and my experience with my friend. It took her an entire year of me and her other friends telling her that she was strong and that she was too good to waste her time on the deadbeat and that she could cut him out of her life. I admire her for her amazing strength, her perseverance, and her complete honesty. She knew she couldn't go it alone, and she reached out for help even when it meant admitting something like how she was cutting or how she was purging.

In my original post, I was in no way referring to victims of abuse of any type. That goes into aspects of psychological addiction, and those people are as much to blame for not being able to cut themselves loose as I am for not being able to stop breathing.

Watching the girl I was infatuated with keep going back to petty, unintelligent, uncaring guys and seeing statuses on her Facebook like "wondering why I can't find the right guy" every time she broke up with her latest boyfriend over something stupid, all while I was right there, made me lose all respect for people like her. It took me four years to realize it, but now I know.

Thank you, raisedbyignorance. I was just about to go on and on about the subject & that always triggers me so I'm glad I don't have to because you did.

I dont think the guys are talking about abusive relationships...because that's a different topic. They are talking about..why do so many women get into and stay in relationships where their partner ignores them, talks down to them, and possibly cheats on them. That's all