Not sure what to do...

Post Reply New Topic

A guy I like wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow night. I'm extremely nervous because I have a hard time with restaurants. I always feel overwhelmed from everything going on and end up having panic attacks and meltdowns. A lot of times I'll get my food and I will feel so bad I won't be able to eat any of it. I just started talking to this guy a couple weeks ago, and he doesn't know about my anxiety and AS. I don't really feel comfortable talking to him about it quite yet. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to turn him down, but I don't know if I can handle going out. Please help...it's been so long since a guy has shown interest in me. I really don't want to ruin it.

Two weeks might be too early to mention being on the spectrum. Just try to have a good time on your date.

Could you be more specific about your difficulties with restaurants?

You don't have to talk about the AS itself, but you should feel free to mention that you have panic attacks at restaurants because you feel overwhelmed. If he truly loves you, he'll understand. Try suggesting an alternative, such as a nice dinner at home (nothing too fancy, but that way you still get to spend time together, without having to worry about a panic attack)...

Is there anything that you know helps in that sort of situation? I know if I'm in a busy restaurant it always helps me a lot if I have my back to the wall so all the sounds and movements are all coming from where I can see them. It's not always possible to do but it's good when I can.
Has he asked what sort of food you like? If he has then perhaps suggest somewhere that you know will suit you better.
Is there any way that you could suggest a different activity or a different time of day when things will be less busy?
One other suggestion for if things get too much is just go outside or to the toilet until you calm down enough, then perhaps just tell him you're not feeling well if you don't want to mention the anxiety etc yet, then you try to arrange a second attempt at going out, but make it something you know you can cope with better.
Good luck.

Tell him that you prefer quiet restaurants and have a glass of wine to take the edge off things (no need to go crazy, but a small amount does help calm nerves).

My aspie now-husband said something like:

I'm overwhelmed in really loud places and I would like to spend more quiet time with you alone. How about I cook dinner for you?


I think Lene's right - - go somewhere really quiet, candlelight and low sound / low crowd.

I now look back and realize with my husband, it wasn't just the physical stimulation. He was also terribly nervous to even be there and wanted to be in his comfort zone (home). He's a great cook,so it was lovely for me.

Good luck! Remember he may be just as nervous as you.