Women can also initiate relationships!

Post Reply New Topic

I think this is why most women don't do the asking...then they wonder why men have low self-esteem, and are so bitter at women for being rejected all the time.

It shouldn't matter who does the asking, as long as someone does.

Also, I have a problem with women that expect a guy to foot the bill for dinner all the time as well. Sure it's nice if they treat you every once in awhile, but I think this should be an equal 50/50 thing.

I thought 'paying your own way' was the done thing these days I wouldn't dream of expecting my bf to pay for my food, unless he insisted.

The most believable reason I've found is that most women don't need to initiate, so since initiating is stressful (at least I've found it is) they don't do it. This doesn't explain why it was that way in the first place, but it helps explain why it continues to be that way. It may be "old-fashioned" but it's a benefit, and people like having benefits.

I thought it was based on the biological underpinnings: a man buying a woman dinner fulfills that whole "provide for her" thing...

That could be part of it. It might also be the "old fashioned" male chivalry thing. Either way, I don't think it works too well in todays society. In some instances, it might even be considered a turn-off for women, if the guy treats them too much like a princess.

I'll believe it when I see it.

Hmm, people keep telling me I should ask out this guy I know. But I feel like I don't know what to say. I have no idea what the appropriate level of affection to express is. I know that I want to see him more often at least. But I don't know how to convey it. I feel like it would do his self-esteem a world of good if I could convince him that I am interested and he asked me. But he just doesn't seem to be getting any of my hints. But I have no idea what would be the right thing to say to him without scaring him off.

Ask him to hang out with you, or go somewhere with you, just as friends first. This will allow him the time he needs to get used to you, and ease some of the pressure and stress involved.

Ah, that sounds logical, but for a girl that doesn't even do that with female friends, yeah, that would be alot of pressure and stressful. This is why I'm on my own. I've tried inviting him round with a group of friends (I do that maybe once every 3 months, if find even that stressful to have a group of ppl over to my house) but he doesn't really like to message anyone back including me, so my hands are a bit tied. It's been a couple of weeks since I've seen him, this is the point where I always begin to wonder whether he likes me back and whether it really is worth the effort.

I feel like it would be easier to ask someone out if I was a guy. But I just feel like I will appeart to be a stupid desperate female with no clue.

I can tell you that it would definitely not be easier

I suppose I would still have that same fear of rejection if I were male, but I feel that socially it is still unacceptable for me to make the first move, or maybe I am only using that as an excuse. The longer the space of time is since I last saw him, the more I feel that he isn't interested in me and I think "what's the point in making a fool of myself trying to gain someone's affection when they clearly can't be bothered getting in touch with me." I wrote a note on his facebook page, but he can't be bothered writing a note on mine.

Isn't there a social convention which states that every leap year, a female may take the initiative in courting a male?

well, i initiated mine, but my aspie GF doesn't seem to have much initiative in other gender-biased areas which i'm trying to encourage her to work around and become a little bolder .
I've made some progress with her so far, & though it seems like slow going, it's worth it.

or maybe that i'm affecting any of the change is an illusion and really she's just getting more comfortable with me, that this has come about? I'm not entirely sure

Yes my Mum proposed to my Dad on 29th Feb 1981.

wow i have had about 4 or 5 girls ask me out in my life and many more flirted with me. my asperger's always gets in the way, the next time a woman asks me out i might as well say yeah.

NO, NO , THEY CAN NOT ! ! IT IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE! ( now, if you will excuse me... Pa is hitching up the wagon so we can take our seed to the grain mill so's we can have it ground into flour. Ma's gonna start makin' us some bread tonight. Also, while were in town, Pa's gonna git a new string for his fiddle! )