I just told my crush and admirer I have AS ...

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There's this guy who's fond of me and I am fond of. I just emailed him last night telling him I have AS. I feel scared now that someone knows this about me ... and whether we can have a relationship or not. He seemed very keen to have a relationship (before I told him). Sorry. Just felt like ranting. So far he accepts my social inadequacy, but knowing you have a condition is another thing.

If he's the kind of person who is worthy of you, he'll understand, be curious, and ask questions. I agree that it's different when you reveal a condition to someone, but there are positives to that: now he has a context he can use to understand your behavior.

I think the preamble to a relationship is always scary, because everyone is afraid of being judged by a prospective mate. Whichever way this works out for you, try to remember that your value as a person, partner, etc. is not determined by this prospective partner. Your value is real and immutable, and readily apparent to the right person. Now have a cup of tea and try to relax, okay?

I agree with ^^^. If its any consolation my girlfriend knew I had AS before we even started dating. If he cares about you truly then it won't make a difference.

I would assume that people can tell by looking at me that I have AS. I've told countless girls, and they've understood, and then they rule out any chance of a relationship with me.

I think its fine, though its likely better if you can tell people in nonchalant ways, as matter of course in a conversation. Seems best when it brings understanding without raising the question in their minds on whether its a request to be handled in a much different way, enlightening others on why you are the way you are is one thing - requesting accommodation is another. That said I think people may even be understanding of the later, just that I think its still better left as a last resort rather than first - unless it is that present in your social interactions.

Thanks so much for your advice, everyone!

We get along well and can understand each other. He's very supportive and I try to be supportive. Recently though (before this email to him) he wrote that he is lonely and he wants to spend time with me and ease his loneliness.

We have a strong intellectual and emotional connection, one of the best I have ever had. He understands me better than my buddies do. I've told him I'm hopeless at socialising and he told me not to conform. The trouble is that he thinks I am perfect so I feel that I should correct him. If we are to start a relationship, it is only right that he knows my deficiencies in case he can't cope later on. He also mentioned some time ago he thinks he is mildly bipolar. Btw we've known each other for more than a year. He's hinted before that he would like to marry some day. (He's in his twenties.) And I fear I can't have a proper relationship, especially I am not at all physically attracted to him, and he is an affectionate person with a great need for affection.

I still await his reply ... (he is a slow writer)

To be honest, I don't really get physically attracted to guys. Is this common among aspie women? I might think, "This person is not bad-looking" and promptly forget about it. I do love him very much, but in a more transcendental way. Why do you think it's cute? Oddly enough my friend told me the same thing when I confessed to her I liked him. She then went and made up an imaginary story involving the person I am fond of and me.

i was in this same boat, it was scary at first, and also i haven't even been diagnosed (or suspected for that matter) for a year now so theres still a lot i dont know, so its kind of hard to really explain the whole thing very well.

but not only did he not get scared off, but one of our new trainees has a daughter with asperger's, diagnosed 14 years ago, and apparently he's been asking the trainee a lot of questions about it

He STILL hasn't replied. (quite normal, he always takes his time.) Anyway i called up my teacher whose brilliant son has AS. She said we aspies are mentally healthy and unique, and that her son and I are "too intelligent for normal people". So whatever turns out for me, I thought this phrase would encourage you aspies out there. She seems to think that he will NOT jilt me. Sigh ... Don't think I'm suited for relationships.