Fiz wrote:
I haven't had a boyfriend now for a couple of years and I'm not looking, never have done, its not really my style. If someone comes along, fine but if not I don't worry about it.
Recently I have come to fear making emotional connections with anyone. This is because I have been hurt so many times that I am too scared it is going to happen again. It's almost like I expect to get hurt. So I distance myself before it can happen. I feel this way I can't get hurt as bad if I cut myself off from them (which also hurts to some degree). As far as any form of emotional contact or feeling goes, I try and resist it or I may interrogate the person who I like, I'm a bit like a bulldog chewing on a chunk of metal, very defensive and very to the point.
I broke up with my most recent ex about two years ago now as he took me for granted and mithered me. Plus, he was always under the influence of drugs and he called my dad a name that I will not write here it is that offensive. He was just no longer endearing to me and he hurt me. My ex before this one told me he loved me when he loved someone else and this is incredibly hurtful.
After that, my luck with men seems to have gone tits up. I liked this one guy and he said he liked me but then started seeing someone else a week later. When I asked him for an explanation, he simply told me the other girl was easier to obtain (sexually mainly) than me. Yeah I know, not worth it but you still end up feeling a bit hurt at least.
Next was this female I met in a bar. I thought she was beautiful with an amazing personality. She told me she liked me too. It turns out she was using me to try and get over her ex, I'd been through this before with a guy when I was 19 and I really didn't want to get too emotionally attached and have to go through all that pain again so I fobbed her off.
Next was a guy I met when I was living down south of England for a bit. This guy was really nice and funny, not my usual type as he was really skinny but he was cute with a great personality. He didn't really do anything to hurt me at all. He had an opportunity to go travelling while he was with me (we really weren't together very long) and he didn't know whether to go or whether to stay here with me. As much as he said he liked me, I could see that he really really wanted to go and travel, so I told him to go. He didn't want to leave me and asked if I would be fine. I pointed out to him that if he stayed with me and didn't go now, he would end up resenting me and I would rather he had good memories of our time together as opposed to 'I didn't see the world cos of that b****'. So he went and good luck to him. I couldn't go at the time otherwise I would probably have gone with him but never mind.
The next guy I really liked. We had been friends for quite a few years and after a while started having sexual relations. Turns out that that was all he wanted me for. Great.
The next guy was the complete opposite i.e was scared stiff of sex, which didn't bother me at the time cos I really liked him. Anyway, we told each other how we felt and all was good until I realised what he really was. He really hurt me and to my knowledge didnt care that he had. He was someone I worked with and he would go along with the bully of the workplace so that he wouldn't end up a victim (in other words he was a big wimp). He never stuck up for me and would join in with it. What kind of guy does that? I rapidly grew to hate the little f***.
Now I'm in a situation where this guy I like apparently likes me. But I don't think he actually wants me as a girlfriend ever. I think he is after some fun for a while and I am tired of people viewing me as a bit of fun. I can't really go into the entire situation but its a bit complicated. I actually know someone who is really funny and sweet and I love his company who really likes me but I, for some strange reason, don't feel the same and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
I know this post is kinda random but I needed to get this feeling off my chest, and I felt that WP was the best place to do this. Thanks for reading.
i have a similer but different problem I cant trust anyone not my freinds, family, law enforcement ect. but thats not the problem the problem is i have liked this chick lets call her "Sonja" for a year not for sexual reasons or even for her looks but for a mental connection she has gone through some problems like mine, and then she introduces me to her BESTfreind lets call her "May" who starts immediatly flirting with me thing is if I let down "May" I cant get to my only desire "Sonja" without repairing the relation with both people and since i have trust issues i cant have this relationship with "Sonja" succesfully as i would be succumbing to my enemy Bullies.
any advice?
Luscifer
11 Aug 2006, 5:09 am
) and so have you..and i think were good toghether cos we understand what each others going through altho,i dont know that much about AS yet but am very willing to learn..but to me your my fiz and thats the way i like it!! !! ! 
