Oh, that is a very interesting article!
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I also learned something chilling about my new sexuality - it was far, far more programmable than it used to be. Before T, my sexual interests were fairly static and increased slowly, one new thing at a time. If I didn't like something, I just didn't like it. After T, I discovered that if I could think about something heretofore not sexually interesting during approximately six masturbation-to-orgasm sessions, that item would become a turn-on in and of itself....no matter what it was. I could literally program myself in a Pavlovian manner to be aroused by whatever I wanted. I found this out by accident, after I inadvertently added a few new dishes to my arousal buffet without meaning to. When I realized this, I sort of sat in shock for a while, and then I said to myself, "Boy, you're going to have to be very, very careful from now on."
Yep, that's fairly accurate.
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But the big question: Did I turn into a rapist? Nope. I'm still sane, still fully in control of myself. The T may have affected my urges, but it did not affect my actions. I can still choose how I will and will not express a particular urge, and the line between fantasy and reality hasn't budged an inch. This would suggest to me that when a man goes wrong somehow, it isn't just about what's giving him the urge so much as what's keeping him from controlling it. Testosterone may be a contributing factor, but not an excuse.
Exactly. As an excuse, it invites a punch in the teeth.
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I am a little quicker to anger though, and it doesn't go away as easily as it used to. Time was, I would get pissed, do nothing about it, distract myself with another activity, and it would go away. At least I thought it had; the colitis attacks and nervous tics seemed to suggest that a female hormone pattern isn't useful so much for not having rage as being more successful at repressing it down to the subconscious where it can fester. After T, if I get angry, I have to work it out of my system either with a cathartic resolution or some kind of hard physical work. If I don't, I'll stay angry for a long time, sometimes even for days. It sounds awful, but I find it's actually healthier in the long run. Anger is the emotion most likely to eat you up inside. Better to split wood or run five miles than to live with it inside you. Of course, this is the self-observation I will freely admit is most likely to be altogether too subjective and personal to me, so take it with a grain of salt. The inarguable conclusion, though, is that I did not become more assaultive. Again, no excuse.
Although I admit that rage makes me feel more wobbly than other urges, so rage and exhaustion is a bad combination.
I'm very familiar with something that could be called "a cathartic resolution". It's a bit like yawning, only not.
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