Advice? Relation? I can be honest on here.

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So, I'm in love. Or atleast in infatuation. Either way, I can't forget about him, and I feel like an idiot.

I'll warn you I'm going to sound like a 14 year old love sick girl. But, believe it or not, I've lived on my own for 3 years, and dated the same guy 4 years until December '09.

So here's the story:
I was feeling lonely, not to mention there was 2 inches of ice on just my driveway so I was stuck inside. I joined a dating site and pretty much ignored everyone that sent me a message. ThenI ran across this guy, who's pic painted my dream guy... cutie wearing a backpacking backpack, in cave. I messaged him, and the next day he had returned my message saying pretty much "wow, I was bored so I joined you seem to be the only normal person on here." (HA!)
A few days later.. we met and had our first date. We had a ton of fun. I almost hit another car I was so distracted by him (driving from the bowling alley to coffee), and I went back to his apartment for wine, we had a short sweet kiss, and called it a night.

I saw him almost everynight for two weeks, he was in the proccess of moving his stuff into his mom's place so he could go on a 5 month hiking trip.

I told him I really liked him... his response? "I'm trying not to like you, since I'm leaving and all"

I explained to him I didn't have a problem with his trip and I was actually VERY jealous, and I thought it was awesome he was getting to do it.
Still, we would start kissing and if it got heavy he'd stop and tell me he did want to compromise my morals... haha he assumed I was saving it or somethnig...

Then we had sex, it was not mind blowing. It didn't last long, and I think he felt guilty about it.

He came to my birthday party, meshed well with my friends, and spend the night since we were both a little drunk. We didnt have sex though, infact, afte that we hung out a few times, went on a hike, adn then he dissapeared fior twi weeks. A week before he left for the trail he called and wated to hang out. We hung out in my hot tub, things progressed from there.

I'm so damn confused. He can check his facebook from his phone on the trail and has updated some. I've sent him messages and had one desperat message saying sometihng like "I dont take hints well, if you want me to stop talking to you you're gonna have to tell me." All I got back was "I'm not avoiding you I havnt talked to anyone."


AHHH I'm crazy aobut him. I know he likes me. Some part of him must want a girlfriend since he was on that site. I dont think he's just after sex, he's really really sweet. He's cool with my awkwardness. I just dont want to scare him away.
I've dated several guys since my ex, and he;'s the first one I've been interested in at all since then.

Advice?

If you don't want to scare him away, re-read what he wrote above. He's backpacking, ya know? Off to see the world, doing his thing, communing with nature. Clearly, because of the length of the trip and the sacrifices he made for it (moving back in with his mom), this is an experience he's committed to. So let him have his experience: he's not talking to anyone...he's doing a solitude thing - honor that. Be patient and see who he's become when he returns.

if he settles down that life slowly shrivels away. its true it happens. maybe he is getting those last few mountains in while he can

Definitely not the most elegant way to put it, but that doesn't make it untrue.

Yes, he can get online through his phone, huzzah. How long does the battery last, and how often can he recharge it on the trail, if at all? Five months is a long time. Is he doing appalachian?

The fact is, if he is living out of a backpack for five months, there's most likely other things on his mind than updating facebook. Things like pitching a tent, building a fire, catching and cooking meals... maybe even hiking.

I've been camping for up to a week at a time, and I've never been on a backpacking trip... but I am well aware that jacking in to the matrix isn't a high priority in the wilderness.

The reason you feel like an idiot is pure science, as unromantic as it sounds. The first blush of strong attraction like you've described, especially if you've been physical, fills your body with a chemical lightening bolt of oxytocin and other chemicals that basically intoxicate you. I think those on the AS may be more susceptable to it, because of we have lower oxytocin levels on average, and thus it can feel like an addictive, almost obsessive high.

My advice would be to chill out. Put him on the backburner. Cool that you clicked but it's important not to get obsessed that he's it while you're not in your right mind. I'm not being facetious or condescending when I say that, either. I'm speaking from experience and from learning.

In the meantime, find some other ways to boost your oxytocin once in a while, so that you're not vulnerable to getting infatuated too quickly

Then, if you're still interested when he returns from his camping trip and he is too, take it slowly. If he really is the one for you, it doesn't have to be rushed.

it wouldnt bother me if he didn't update his facebook like every three days...
I guess it was just bothering me, and I dont want my friends to know all the details.

yall are right though, he's out doing his thing, which is cool.
I just wonder if you all think we will be interested when he gets back? I don't think anyone else is going to come along for me. I just dont want to bombard him with messages if he doesnt want to talk.

You know, five months is a long time - so you're gonna have to get back to living your life the way you did before you met him. I know that totally sucks. It's like the relationship ended right in the middle of the romantic love phase. But it didn't end - it just kinda changed form. So follow his FB statuses, educate yourself about the part of the country and/or world he's in, what he's experiencing....like his statuses along the way and keep yourself busy. I don't know how he's going to feel when he comes back, you don't know how you're going to feel after months of separation. But I do know he'll respect you for letting him have this experience the way he planned to have it, and he'll realize that only a strong, independent woman could pull that off.

I appreciate your advice HopeGrows. He wanted to meet once so It's made it hard to put on the breaks. My life is going as normal. I'm just kicking myself for being all high school crushy about him. It hard for me not knowing how things will be :-/

I'm 32 and I get all high-school crushy too sometimes. It's embarassing. But whatever.

Oh no - don't regret how you feel! Having a crush is so wonderful - it makes you feel so alive and giddy and happy and silly. It's the best, so don't feel bad because you feel good!

For what it's worth, even if he was here, there would still be elements of risk and uncertainty in the relationship....none of us can ever really know how it's going to work out so early on in a relationship. Just about the time you realize you really like the person is when the nervousness kicks in. It's so hard to want someone, cause there's so much vulnerability involved. But you'll get through this, and when he gets home - you'll probably get to go through it all over again. Hang in there, hon.

thanks guys. I do feel better now... I dated the same guy for years, all through highschool and college. I feel pretty clueless now and the whole new relationship thing.