Why do we say a relationship "ended badly"?

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Kewona
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02 May 2010, 5:15 pm

This may be more a question about the meaning of words than anything else, and I'm probably being too nitpicking, but just wondering...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but there are basically two ways a relationship can "end", right?
1. It ends in a breakup (almost always painful)
2. It doesn't end, and the couple is still happily together.

And let's face it, you don't meet the love of your life every day, so most relationships you have in your life end sooner or later (I don't mean this to sound cynical. Just analysing) . So why, then, do people refer to their past relationships as "failed" relationships, that "ended badly"? How else is a relationship supposed to end?

I once heard a friend say: "I'm glad I found someone to love again. My last two relationships ended badly.." (Nothing overly dramatic happened in the last two, it was just a breakup, which was painful to my friend at the time.) But I mean...if the first relationship hadn't ended, she would have never had the second one. And if the second relationship hadn't ended, she wouldn't be in the one she is now...so, just wondering. Isn't this kind of a weird wording?



Sound
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02 May 2010, 5:43 pm

Some relationships don't end, comparatively, badly. My last didn't. I had misgivings, but there was no fighting, minimal crying, minimal resentment, and lingering love or appreciation.

On the scale of how bad relationships could end, I'd say that one was pretty good. So that didn't end badly.

I wont argue that most end badly(though I'd be purely speculating), but there's still the option that it could end well. Mostly it relies upon the two peoples honesty, skill at communication, and how much they are able to care for another person besides themselves.

...IMO.



Lene
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02 May 2010, 5:46 pm

Kewona wrote:
This may be more a question about the meaning of words than anything else, and I'm probably being too nitpicking, but just wondering...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but there are basically two ways a relationship can "end", right?
1. It ends in a breakup (almost always painful)
2. It doesn't end, and the couple is still happily together.

And let's face it, you don't meet the love of your life every day, so most relationships you have in your life end sooner or later (I don't mean this to sound cynical. Just analysing) . So why, then, do people refer to their past relationships as "failed" relationships, that "ended badly"? How else is a relationship supposed to end?

I once heard a friend say: "I'm glad I found someone to love again. My last two relationships ended badly.." (Nothing overly dramatic happened in the last two, it was just a breakup, which was painful to my friend at the time.) But I mean...if the first relationship hadn't ended, she would have never had the second one. And if the second relationship hadn't ended, she wouldn't be in the one she is now...so, just wondering. Isn't this kind of a weird wording?


I know what you mean. I guess 'ended well' means that you were the one who initiated the break up and you couldn't wait to get out... :P Or perhaps you just drifted apart and became good friends afterwards...

I do think it puts people under a lot of pressure. I didn't want a 'bad break up' with my ex boyfriend, and neither did he, so we tried being friends immediately afterwards. It was going ok on the outside (inside I was heartbroken) but it all fell apart once I got a new boyfriend. From now on, 'good' break up be damned, I'm not going through all that drama again.



Kewona
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02 May 2010, 6:02 pm

Yeah, I know there's good ways for a relationship to end. But if you just drift apart and decide to end it cause the flame isn't there anymore, it's still at most a neutral ending. I doubt you'd look back at this relationship and say it was "successful", would you?

And if you ended the relationship and couldn't wait to get out, then the relationship itself still went badly.

You know what I mean, right? "My past relationship ended badly" just sounds like a tripple-tautology to me. The "badly" wouldn't be in there if it weren't for the "ended", and it wouldn't be a "past relationship" if it hadn't ended/gone badly.



Shebakoby
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02 May 2010, 6:12 pm

it ends badly if you hate each other afterward.



Janissy
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02 May 2010, 6:18 pm

Kewona wrote:
Yeah, I know there's good ways for a relationship to end. But if you just drift apart and decide to end it cause the flame isn't there anymore, it's still at most a neutral ending. I doubt you'd look back at this relationship and say it was "successful", would you?

And if you ended the relationship and couldn't wait to get out, then the relationship itself still went badly.

You know what I mean, right? "My past relationship ended badly" just sounds like a tripple-tautology to me. The "badly" wouldn't be in there if it weren't for the "ended", and it wouldn't be a "past relationship" if it hadn't ended/gone badly.


An eneded relationship can be considered succesful if you take something from it that can be applied to future relationships: if it helps you grow.

Example: (a very common example) I had a highschool boyfriend. We were inseprable and all that. After highschool...we went to different colleges and drifted apart. I still consider that a succesful relationship (and I hope he does too) because during that relationship I learned lessons about what it means to be in a relationship that I could apply to my adult life. It was an educational relationship, practice. We would probably be divorced if we'd actually stayed together. But I learned a lot from that time and so I call it a success despite the post-highschool breakup.



Willard
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02 May 2010, 6:21 pm

No, I completely disagree with that. End and bad are not synonymous. Some relationships simply evolve into a different form or stage - they don't continue as they were, therefore they have ended because they've morphed into something else.

And just because a relationship didn't pan out as either party might have hoped, there's no reason it has to end in ugly displays of negative emotion. Relationships end badly when one or both parties are too immature to let go peacefully of the relationship they thought they were going to have and treat the other person with dignity and respect in spite of the disappointment.

Relationships between mature adults can end well. I'm still very good friends with my last Ex, and I expect always will be. We just didn't fit well cohabiting under the same roof. Co-dependent relationships between the needy, selfish and self-loathing never end any way but badly.



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02 May 2010, 8:01 pm

Agree with Willard - end and bad are not synonyms. My ex-fiance and I ended on bad terms; she cheated on me twice, lied repeatedly to me, family and friends, and there remains great animosity. However, I am still close to several ex's dating back to high school. Even if the break-up was painful, it ended because it needed to. They are still people I appreciate and treasure, but that aspect wasn't right. It comes down to wanting a semantic answer to a subjective question, which is a common problem for me, and not one I often find with productive answers.


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hale_bopp
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02 May 2010, 8:02 pm

As someone else already stated, if it ends badly, you are not on good terms with each other after it's ended.

If it ends well, regardless of hurt, the two people are usually still friends or civil with each other afterwards.



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03 May 2010, 7:46 am

If it ends with both people hating each other, being angry and very upset, it ended badly. If both people decide it's best to break up for whatever reason and remain friends after, you could say it ended well.



KittenWithAWhip
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03 May 2010, 3:26 pm

I've heard it used to mean there was lots of drunk texting and showing up at the beloved's doorstep in pajamas and tears and snot running down one's face. That's strictly hearsay, of course.

:lol:

Saying "ended badly" is just easier than explaining the gory details.


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