Questions about my boyfriend with Aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

Risperdal/Risperidone is prescribed with increasing frequency to autistic people. Although it is an anti-psychotic, it is prescribed to many autistic people to decrease "irritability" and also aggression.

How do I know this? My daughter's doctor wanted to prescribe her Risperdal when she was having increasingly violent meltdowns. She is not psychotic and he never claimed she was. He said that although it is called an "anti-psychotic:", many non-psychotic people took it, including many autistic people.

So I researched it and ultimately said "no". I didn't say "no" because she isn't psychotic and therefore didn't need an anti-psychotic. I said "no" because the side effects were very alarming and not worth the risk. Even if it did exactly what he promised it would do, it was very dangerous. I thought there must be a better way to keep her from doing something scary violent in the midst of a meltdown.

A change of schools has helped immensely. And with no side effects. She was reacting to a very negative enviroment and medicating her would have caused not only the side effect damage (potentially) but also kept her from being rescued from that enviroment because she would seem outwardly "better".


All this to say that just because he takes an anti-psychotic doesn't mean there is more than autism going on. It probably just means that back at some point, he or his parents (if he went on it prior to adulthood) decided it was worth the side effect risk.

Antipsychotics/neuroleptics are used 'off label' in a variety of non psychotic illnesses these days. My own GP prescribed me low-dose olanzapine for a few days when I was devastated over my break up with my ex. In the end, I only took 2 and they didn't really do anything, but I certainly wasn't psychotic at any stage, nor have I ever been.

From Wikipedia; these are some off label indications for olanzapine alone (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olanzapine)

Case-reports, open-label, and small pilot studies suggest efficacy of olanzapine for the treatment of some anxiety spectrum disorders (e.g. generalized anxiety disorder,[10] panic disorder,[11] post-traumatic stress disorder[12]); however, olanzapine has not been rigorously evaluated in randomized, placebo-controlled trials for this use and is not FDA approved for these indications. Other common off-label uses of olanzapine include the treatment of eating disorders (e.g. anorexia nervosa) and as an adjunctive treatment for major depressive disorder without psychotic features. It has also been used for Tourette syndrome and stuttering.[citation needed] Olanzapine is also used in many addiction clinics as a sleep aid (usually 2.5–5 mg) due to its low abuse profile and zero addictive properties.[13][/i]

Note, it's not saying they work in all cases, just that they are used.

[img][650:600]http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/2330/internettoughguy.jpg[/img]

As everyone here knows, some people with Aspergers can have difficulty with communication.

That's a very very old picture, and I'm not just talking about the 80s mustache. That's an original PC or an XT at best, with a dot-matrix printer and an 80x25 text monochrome display. Someone photoshopped a Web browser onto the screen.

If you want an ITG:
http://netwrok.us/stuff/dont-worry-sir- ... ternet.jpg

I really did not mean to turn this into a debate over medication. I was just looking for more knowledge. Obviously a lot of the literature out there is incorrect because Aspies don't appear to be emotionless or all of them asexual.

I found out the names of the medicines. The medicine he is on is risperdal and lexapro. The lexapro looked like it was for depression while the risperdal main website says it's prescribed for autistic disorder to help manage aggression, self injury, and tantrums.

If he goes off the meds he will be much worse, I am guessing.

BlueMoon87, I'll try to answer your concerns.

Yes AS people talk to themselves sometimes. They do it when they are overwhelmed with sensory input or with demands placed on them (chores), or they may do it when they are debating something in order to make the correct decision. AS people are usually interested in efficiency and are constantly finding better/more efficient ways of doing things. This process requires some... pondering.

Oh yes he probably does act like he's 12. Keep observing when he thinks you aren't watching. He might be acting in your presence. The society has forced AS people to act "normal", out of fear their unusual tendencies get them rejected. He means that he's 12 emotionally, and also his social skills are that of a 12 year old.

Yes, or playing the same game over and over. AS people want to try new things, but they are afraid to. They like order and predictability because the unknown situations increase their anxiety. Plan some new things for him and discuss with him ahead of time so he knows what to expect. That's the key.

Not sure about the medicine. I'm not a doctor. My first thought regarding this is to have him self-medicate with regular exercise, full 8 hours of sleep every night, and most importantly a healthy diet. Also some new hobbies could help. If that keeps him motivated and interested in life, have him try and discontinue the medication. I firmly believe that a healthy lifestyle greatly helps with many challenges faced by people on the spectrum. Sadly, the odds that he'll turn from a couch potato and junk food eater into a health nut and gym bunny are pretty slim. It's a looong and arduous road that few are willing to take. I took it 5 years ago and couldn't be happier with my choice.

Jobs where they can work by themselves with machines are the best for AS types. IT jobs behind the scenes like database admin, or networks, servers (NOT helpdesk or phone support ugh no!). Also traffic lights control center, weather forecast center, coast guard emergency radio center, telephone company exchange, railroad... anything that is routine and predictable and does not require playing nice with other people. Not sure where he can be hired with just a HS diploma. Getting his foot through the door might be hard, but once there he'll probably shine!

He's lonely. Even having you in his life feels like a temporary condition. He's afraid of losing you. So a marriage and family seem like a stable anchor to secure his life with. I don't think most of us are cut out to support a family. Majority of the heavy work would fall on his spouse. No, having a family would NOT change who he is. He needs to want to change on his own.

Lots of people have answered by now, but I figured I might as well chime in.

Yes, this is very common. I do this too. It's nothing to worry about, things just get stuck in our heads sometimes and we get tics (think tourettes) that are often words we need to repeat. I also will have conversations with myself sometimes, but only if I'm bored and alone, like your boyfriend told you.

I feel this way too! It's a mental maturity thing. I definitely act my age, but sometimes I wish I didn't have to. The world is much too serious, and social rules are far too important. I often wish I could just crawl under the table or put my feet up on the chair like I was allowed to when I was younger. Also, my inability to understand people always makes me feel like a dumb child.

This is also common. I'm sure your boyfriend is fixated on whatever shows he loves the most! Think back to what your favorite movie was as a child, perhaps the little mermaid or frosty the snowman. Remember what it was like to want to watch them over and over, because you loved them so much? I definitely do this. I'll spend an entire day rewatching old Doctor Who episodes, for example.
If you want him to watch something else, you have to find something he'll want to watch. What shows does he like to watch? Brainstorm some shows that are similar, and I'll bet he'll love them. I used to only want to watch CSI when I was a kid, but my mom started watching NCIS, and I became hooked on that too. If he likes crime shows, rent some DVDs of other crime shows; if he likes scifi, rent some other scifi shows.

If he goes off his meds he'll slip into his old ways. Anti-psychotics basically just dim brain activity. If he seems drowsy or slow or talks slowly, this is why. I'd say you should try being around him off his meds to see what he's like. Are you afraid? Or do you find him tolerable or maybe even more interesting? It's a good thing to try out if you're in a long term relationship, just in case.


It depends, what does he like to do? It sounds like he's not good with numbers (I know I'm definitely not), so I wouldn't suggest anything number related. Ask him what his ideal job would be, and you could maybe brainstorm a list together. Say he likes animals, he could look into being hired for a part time position with a vet clinic, and perhaps over time if he builds rapport with them he could get promoted to a veterinary assistant.


He loves you! Even if the two of you don't end up getting married, it shows he's considering the possibility and likes it. This is a good thing. And yes, people with AS are definitely capable of being spouses and parents. My boyfriend has Asperger's, and so do both of his parents. My mother is friends with a very successful professor at the university she works at who has Asperger's, and he's married with two children.


I don't know whether rates of asexuality are higher with AS, but I know that I'm definitely not asexual, and I've never actually met an asexual aspie in real life, though I've talked to many on this forum.

I was on Lexapro for a few years. Risperdal was one of the 1st anti-psychotics I tried but it made me physically sick. I started the meds because I was going true some emotional crises & was probably suffering from a psychotic depression at the time. I didn't start feeling truly better thou till after I quit all the meds after being on em for five years. I think the meds may of been harming me more then they wer helping me after a while. Every person is different thou so I think it would be a good idea to talk to him, his parents & doc to find out more. Maybe he doesn't need em but maybe he does. Meds affect people diffrently

Thanks everyone that replied. I think the responses did provide me with some better understanding of aspergers.

I guess I'm just kind of afraid now. He has mild Aspergers, but I am just afraid I'm not strong enough to handle the ups and downs that come with the disorder. I'm not sure what I would do if he got worse or if something changed in his life and it affected his functioning. He's really close to his parents, but they're in there 60s. I cannot imagine how their death would affect his functioning one day. I don't know if I would ever be strong enough to be his spouse especially since he may not be able to support me in some ways.

I guess I have lot of thinking to do.

Thanks again everyone. I appreciate the responses.

I would not think of him in terms of "what if he suddenly gets worse". AS is a developmental disorder - all the weird stuff that was gonna manifest itself already has. He is not somehow "unstable" because of AS. His level of functioning is not liable to change much for the worse, and could change a little for the better. (I'm not fully informed on what other issues he may have that affect his stability, such as the psychotropic drugs etc, but just understand that "instability" and "liable to suddenly get worse" are not symptoms of AS whatsoever.)
For the record I talk to myself a lot, but I know people think it's weird so I don't do it if anyone is within earshot. Dilbert is correct that we do a lot of odd harmless things that people think are weird so we censor those activities when others are around, not because we're ashamed but because we don't want to deal with their possible adverse reactions (which we think are pretty silly).

Hello, I don't have AS but my husband does so I thought I'd share my experiences. I once read a quote "If you have met one aspie you have met one aspie" which is so true. Personality traits combined with AS can affect how a person behaves, it is not always about the AS.

I've missed out the ones I don't have any experience of.

2. He's older then me and in his mid twenties. Something that worries me a bit is that he told me he feels like he's still a 12 year old inside. He doesn't act like a 12 year old. What does he mean by this?

I'm quite immature in my humour but not as much as my husband. He only lets his imagination fully flow with me, unless he is really drunk. He can be hilarious and really silly. All my friends love him and think it is great, really quick humour. However he has hidden this side to him before for fear of being seen as childish so I can understand what your boyfriend means.


3. He wants to watch the same tv shows over and over again. Sometimes it can be a bit boring. Is this common as well and is there something I can do to get him to watch something else?

We have a list of shows we record and watch each week, my husband even made me watch loads of series he had already seen before we got together, that he had seen loads of times. Now we have a system, if I get something recommended to me we will watch an episode and put a on series link to record the rest. If we both like it we watch together, if I don't he watches when I'm out and vice versa. He actually loves some programmes about my interests, like horses, just because he loves to ask questions and find out more and more about subjects he doesn't know about (very few, he probably remembers more about horses than me now). I have also started enjoying some Sci-Fi programmes.

4. He's on some medicine. He told me it's anti-psychotics. He told me without the medicine his symptoms get a lot worse. He will talk to himself more, he will be more frustrated and angry too. He told me that when he was younger he used to act like animals, and his asperger's was so bad. Will he keep getting better and better or is there a chance he might slip back into his old ways?

As has already been said, this isn't typical AS and if I were you I would find out more about the drugs he is on and why the have been prescribed. Although the acting like animals? What are his parents like? Could this have been mistaken for a child playing (but with AS it became more of an obsession). The only experience my OH has had of psychotic behaviour was during a deep depression a few years ago before we met and when he had been smoking cannabis. (Seriously didn't agree with him). I haven't seen this behaviour personally but I do know that a change in diet and lifestyle did help.

5. He is very high functioning. He stays at his parents house, but is there most of the time by himself. He cooks his own meals, does his own laundry etc. He does have issues with balancing check books. He also doesn't have a job. What type of jobs can someone with asperger's get with an occupational high school diploma?

My husband has been in work since leaving school, and has been in the same job for 6 years, very successful and well paid. However it is in IT which he is both obsessed with and very skilled at. It is also fixing things which again is one of his qualities. I think someone with AS can do any job, as long as it interests them enough and the people in the company are either open, understanding, or see a skill for what it is worth. He has learnt how to behave in social situations and deals quite well. From what you said at number 5, it may be that your boyfriend isn't mentally at a stage that work is right for him and needs to try and become more stable before attempting working.

6. Lastly, he keeps talking about one day when he gets married or has kids a LOT. Why would he be thinking about that so much? And are people with asperger's capable of being supportive spouses and raising children?

Lol at this, I've known my husband since school but we re-met at 26 while I was in a relationship. My friend described him as a safe friend to my ex because he was asexual. He described it to me as being fussy and didn't just want to kiss or sleep with anyone, but had been praying for a wife and family for years. He was desperate to be married and in love. Well we emotionally fell in love, I split up with my ex and after a while we started a sexual relationship. He has the highest sex drive I have ever known, is the most loving and romantic person ever and is a fantastic husband. Him having AS both hinders and benefits our relationship and the benefits are well worth it. We live in a house in the country (UK) with 2 horses, a dog, 2 cats and rabbits. He is supportive and does more than his share of looking after the animals and around the house. We will one day have children and this will be a struggle for a whole load of reasons, including him having AS.

\

If you've been able to handle things so for; I suspect you will keep being able to handle it. Aspergers is NOT something that regresses. It's the way he is, has always been & will always be

Yeah, I think you're right. We're still together. I just needed some time to think. His aspergers still scares me a little bit, but I cannot imagine my life without him in it.

Yeah, I think you're right. We're still together. I just needed some time to think. His aspergers still scares me a little bit, but I cannot imagine my life without him in it.

I'm really glad you two are still together He's extremely lucky to have you. I'm kinda jealous I don't really think of Aspergers as a so-called disorder or problem. I think of it as being different from the so-called norm