depression and love

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I went through middle school and high school not knowing about Aspergers (My mother and I had decided I had a mild case of Aspergers) and I had only 1 girlfriend during high school, and that was only for 2 months at the end of my senior year. Needless to say, it wasn't much of a relationship as for both of us it was our first relationship, and we had only kissed twice those whole 2 months. Then I date someone else for a lil over 2 years but broke it off as I don't think I ever loved her.

Anyways, now I'm with my current girlfriend, and for some reason I always get fairly depressed when I'm not able to see/talk/text/IM her. Like right now she's gone off to her first roller derby practice. The depression hit last night too when she told me she was going to do it, but that I couldn't come. I completely understood why she didn't want me to come, as she suffers from OCD and either GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) or Bipolar Disorder (most likely Bipolar II because she gets depressed quite often when shes not on meds), and so she probably feels that she would embarrass herself in front of me.

For some strange reason though I felt as though she didn't want me there because she was embarrassed to be around me. I've always had issues with self-esteem, but never suicidal. Most of the time if I get depressed I just take a nap and wake up feeling better.

I just wonder if anyone else has this same sort of depressive mood when they're not able to interact with their significant other as well?

Anyone who is embarassed to be around you shouldn't be your friend or girlfriend tbh

I don't think it's because she's afraid you'll embarrass her, it's because she's afraid she'll embarrass herself in front of you. It's your depression that is making you feel like she is slighting you, but she probably isn't.

You can fail quite spectacularly in roller derby.

But yes, being separated from an other can be intense, even when one-sided. Trust me, been there, done that.

Best thing you can do is to find something to occupy you during the time apart. Don't focus on the apart bit, but use the time to focus on something you can't focus on when she's around.

I guess that's the problem though. Sometimes I feel depressed enough where nothing seems interesting, and I want to sleep, but yet I want to be awake for when she calls/texts/IMs me...

Part of the whole 'interest obsession' issues for us aspies.

I know from experience of that will doom a relationship when that 'interest obsession' is the other person. I totally destroyed a potential intimate relationship and did destroy many, many other friendships in the process.

Now what I'm about to say may sound mean or harsh, it may even come off as me telling you what you need to do, but you need to pull back and keep your obsession in check. It'll be hard. It'll be very hard. I've never done it. But then I've never really had any method of support or way to know what I was doing wrong. If you don't keep your 'interest obsession' in check, you begin to make them feel possessed and smothered. You have got to find some other things in which to occupy your time between contact.

Now I could be wrong, every situation is different. But this is my advice. You are not wrong in wanting nothing more that to be in contact with someone else. You are an aspie. Be aware that your aspie traits can cause you interpersonal difficulties. Healthy NTs don't necessarily find our obsession tendencies very attractive.

I've learned my lessons the hard way. I hope I've given some insight and some good advice. Just remember that every time you are lying awake, waiting for her call, she's probably asleep, and so should you be. And if you still can't sleep, hide the phone, turn on tv, find a book, something, anything else. My old therapist suggested I clean the bathroom. Don't do that. lol

Yea I did learn that the hard way in high school. I had a crush on a different chick from 7th grade up to 12th grade. Of course I had obsessed over each and every one of them, not realizing that Healthy NTs didn't think that was appropriate behavior. Partially why I was an outcast in high school.

"And knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe

If only that were true. Maybe it is for an NT, but not for us.

But yeah, I crushed all through high school and most of college. Back then, I was just a weirdo, but now I know that I'm just different.

"And knowing is half the battle." lol

I get a sort of bored, irritable, vaguely disquieted feeling sometimes. Try taking your mind off it by doing something absorbing, that's what I do.

I get very paranoid, maybe even a little anxious, nervous.

Same for me. I had a total obsession with this one person, and it lasted for almost half a year after the relationship broke down. I didn't do anything stupid (or majorly stupid, anyway), but it was basically interwoven into my life. Fortunately, I eventually learnt how to control it, and when the same situation came round again it wasn't a problem. But it's hard. Incredibly hard, and it's still dragging me down once the actual need for this person has faded. And now I've destroyed this obsession, I've somehow destroyed my ability to form obsessions, even healthy ones. I just can't fix my interest on anything any more. But what can you do but try? If knowing's half the battle, the other half's a long hard slog.