need your help you guys

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I have been trying to make a long distance relationship work with an aspie guy from arizona. but everytime we say we are together the next day he panics and he bails and unfriends me on facebook. I really want this to work but I can't keep doing this with him. everytime he does this I am left confused, hurt and sick inside. what should I do.

DTMFA.

Let me elaborate:

1. Long distance relationships are tricky to begin with. Even with Aspies, it is important to have actual time together. The habits of individuals do not translate well in print or on phone (even video phone). It is only with physical time together that one can really know that each person is compatible with the other. BTW - I know that someone is going to respond and say, "that's a generalization - my partner and I met and did the long term relationship thing and we are doing fine!!' - That's well and good - the success story is a rare exception and not the norm.

2. Even though Aspies can be quirky - this particular Aspie of interest can't even commit to having you on his Facebook!! ! Huh??? He needs to get over some major issues - he is not ready for a relationship of any sort - long distance, short distance or anything in between.

3. You are left "confused, sick and hurt inside." Healthy relationships make us feel good about ourselves and our partners. If you are feeling "confused, sick and hurt" then it is time to spend some time working on yourself and then find a partner who makes you feel good about the person who you are.

In summary - dump the mother ^&%^$#$ already!! ! Erase him from your contact list and move on.

Have you ever met in real life?

CanadianRose is right--he is not ready for any kind of relationship, long-distance or otherwise, and you will just keep on getting hurt if you let this continue.

Cut him loose. You don't need this.

That guy sounds like he is really confused & does not know what he wants. I think he will continue that way. Your better off without someone like that. I think there's lots of Aspie guys here who would not be like that. I know I wouldn't.

EDIT
The guy could be extremely insecure, scared & afraid. You could try having a deep discussion about things.

Just want to echo that it might not be worth it. Long distant relationships tend to involve a lot of strain and demand a lot of patience. I think you both have to be determined to make it work if things are ever going to get anywhere, and it doesn't really sound like that's the case for him.

I recently tried this with a gal in Kansas. Can't work, just move on. If the other person doesn't want a relationship, can't force the matter.

You people are quick to say just dump him. Christ so the guy has some issues and the immidiate suggestion is that he deserves to be dumped? Considering what forum we're on I would hope we could be a bit more open minded then that. We're talking tame stuff here. There are abuse and rape victims out there in the world who probably have a hundred times the issues of this guy and I would hardly dismiss them as possible lovers.

I would support another poster's suggestion to have a talk with the guy about it. He might just really not like it being broadcast. Find out what's wrong and work with him through it. Relationships should be about working through problems together.

hmmm, not really sure .
personally i'm in a long distance relationship with another aspie also. Going on a little over 6 months now.
& just besides that i wish she was a bit more responsive at times, there haven't really been any problems to speak of.

This one's tricky, but if he's not going to be cooperative no matter how hard you try, you're sort of out of luck.

thanks guys for your help. I have decided to cut him loose, I don't need that in my life. He is an immature person who is too scared and too selfish to be in a relationship. I know that I deserve better than that and am happy to be done with him.

Queenserenity, I hope you find better luck in your future. I would have suggested to cut him loose as well. He's not ready yet it sounds like to me.

I really did not appreciate finding this.....let alone knowing this is about me. I am really hurt and disappointed and no one ever asked me what I was thinking or feeling when it came to the relationship I shared with this young lady. No one knows how much I struggle with my anxiety but whatever.

Well generally people post about stuff when the other person is not on the forum.

And unfriending people on facebook upsets people, I don't understand.