What would you want in your dream partner?

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09 Jun 2010, 6:29 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

Greenmouse wrote:

Brianruns10 wrote:

I want someone who does not NEED me, but WANTS me.

What is the difference?

Someone who NEEDS me = someone who requires a partner to feel emotionally secure.
Someone who WANTS me = someone who feels emotionally secure, but wants a partner to share their life with.

Why cant it be both :?:

I'd love to have a partner who wants & needs me

If she wants me; I feel good about myself & if she needs me; I have a rezone to take better care of myself(like eating healthy exercising ect)

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ToadOfSteel
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09 Jun 2010, 8:25 am

Step wrote:

I'm NT and found my perfect Aspie mate. I never thought I would meet a guy who met all of my criteria and it took me a long time to find him but I'm really happy I waited because we are perfect for each other. We are married, we've been together 4 years, married for 2 and so far, it has been BLISS.

He:
Gets overwhelmed easily and sometimes loses his temper in stressful situations but doesn't stay angry for long and never holds a grudge or gives the silent treatment.

He is honest and kind. I have learned to not ask questions if I don't want a brutally honest answer. On the other hand, when he tells me something sweet and wonderful I know he's being sincere.

He is his own person, completely unique in his interests and doesn't go along with the crowd just to fit in.

He loves music, reading, and art.

He is employed and a hard worker at his job. Even though he is a perfectionist and is very hard on himself, he doesn't expect me to be perfect. He never criticizes me.

He is independent, not at all clingy, and yet he lets me know that he does need and love me. I allow him his obsessions and he allows me mine.

He never went to college and yet he is crazy smart and has educated himself through his own quest for knowledge.

He is tall and attractive and into me, even though I'm not (tall or very psychically attractive).

He doesn't swear or drink a lot or watch a lot of sports and he's not into drugs or flirting with a lot of women. He's incredibly loyal.

He's not super romantic on his own, but if I tell him what I'd like (or what I need) to feel loved, he is very good about doing those things.

I can't speak for all aspie males, but I think ones similar to mine are the worlds best kept secret in terms of great guys to date and marry!

Where do the women like you come from?

Moog
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09 Jun 2010, 12:23 pm

nick007 wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

Greenmouse wrote:

Brianruns10 wrote:

I want someone who does not NEED me, but WANTS me.

What is the difference?

Someone who NEEDS me = someone who requires a partner to feel emotionally secure.
Someone who WANTS me = someone who feels emotionally secure, but wants a partner to share their life with.

Why cant it be both :?:

I'd love to have a partner who wants & needs me

If she wants me; I feel good about myself & if she needs me; I have a rezone to take better care of myself(like eating healthy exercising ect)

It can, and it's nice, for want of a better word. But sometimes being needed is quite the responsibility.

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Brianruns10
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09 Jun 2010, 3:14 pm

For me, the gulf between want and need is immense. They are, for me, practically polar opposites. They are synonymous with free will and the lack thereof. Need is at the root of that which we cannot control, have no choice over: breathing, eating, etc. Well, we do have a choice not to breath or eat, but the alternative is so horrific to most that really does not represent a choice at all.

Want by contrast, is the root, the heart of free will. It has nothing to do survival and everything to do with our own individual desires and pleasures. It is all about choice.

I don't want someone who needs me, because I don't want someone dependent upon me, reliant upon me, so devoid of her own personality, goals or ambitions that she might forsake her own desires to remain with me. I have no time for a person who feels she must be with me because she has no choice, because she feels there is no one else for her.

I WANT a woman who WANTS me. A woman who is able to satisfy her own needs, who has her own ambition and drive and desires...physicial, mental, emotional. She is a person who could presumably have other suitors, and perhaps has, but after all that, she has CHOSEN to be with me, because I satisfy her desires, however important or capricious they may be.

BR

Greenmouse
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09 Jun 2010, 3:24 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

I WANT a woman who WANTS me. A woman who is able to satisfy her own needs, who has her own ambition and drive and desires...physicial, mental, emotional. She is a person who could presumably have other suitors, and perhaps has, but after all that, she has CHOSEN to be with me, because I satisfy her desires, however important or capricious they may be.

BR

You seem like a very sensitive man. That's a quality a lot of female are looking for.

nick007
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09 Jun 2010, 7:56 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

I think want & need can coexist quite a lot. Someone may want to be with you in the beginning but after a while need you as well because they are a better person with you. That's the kind of relationship I'd ideally want; someone who wants me & is a better person with me. I can handle someone being dependent on me because I'm very dependent myself & if she's dependent on me; we can better relate to each other. I'm more responsible when someone is dependent on me; sometimes helping others can be a good way to help yourself. It's not like that for everyone thou; lots of women think I'm to dependent even thou they may be dependent as well.

Greenmouse wrote:

Brianruns10 wrote:

You seem like a very sensitive man. That's a quality a lot of female are looking for.

Lots of women claim they want sensitivity yet sensitive guys often get rejected in favor of abusive jerks

Alycat
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10 Jun 2010, 5:03 am

nick007 wrote:

Lots of women claim they want sensitivity yet sensitive guys often get rejected in favor of abusive jerks

I don't think it's a false claim when women say that. I think it's just down to two things:
1) The 'abusive jerks' are usually more confident. This means they are more likely to ask a girl out rather than wait and worry.
2) There are different types of sensetive. When girls say they want a sensetive guy, they mean they want someone who can appreciate art or someone who might be romantic or whatever. Some guys are 'sensetive' in an insecure way though. One of my ex boyfriends seemed to spend most of his life in tears. That kind of sensetive is NOT what people are looking for!

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19 Jun 2010, 4:23 pm

-Shares at least one or two major interests with me
-Doesn't try to rush me into sex
-Willing to help pay for dates
-Not overly religous or conservative
-generally nice

Dhp
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22 Jun 2010, 1:05 am

I shall be consistent that I believe that my dream partner does not exist. It is late...let me think about this for once in my life, and present my dream partner in a later post.

FreeSpirit2000
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23 Jul 2010, 3:12 am

I am an AS Male and here is what I look in Mrs. Right:

1) Beautiful inside and outside

2) Independent

3) Not a control freak

4) Physically attractive

5) Likes to have fun and go out places

6) Enjoys sense of humor

7) Kind and understanding with my differences

Always there to cheer me up when I am down

9) Feminine and the opposite of a tomboy

10) Enjoys the outdoors

11) And is also a good sweet talker

Ichinin
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23 Jul 2010, 5:09 am

Brains AND looks AND she knows what she wants AND she should not want me for anything else than love, sex and cuddling.

Unfortunately, that filters away 95% of the girls out there.

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Bethie
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29 Jul 2010, 2:15 pm

Let's see here...

Hippie/Hippie admirer
Aspie/Aspie supporter
Vegan/Vegetarian
Asexual/Demisexual
Atheist/Agnostic
Loves animals and children
WANTS animals and children
Is a good provider
Very affectionate- physically and verbally
Introverted + Introspective
Willing to wear the pants

Long hair and a beard are both pluses

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Last edited by Bethie on 29 Jul 2010, 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Erisad
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29 Jul 2010, 2:23 pm

Sweet, funny, can be introduced to family, dependable, cuddly, doesn't freak out when I do, loyal, honest, etc. I'll add more if I want to.

xxZeromancerlovexx
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29 Jul 2010, 5:21 pm

I am an AS female and I would like this:
Appearance
-Tall
-Works out(lean muscle)
-Any race, I don't mind interracial relationship even though my mom doesn't care for them(and no she's not racist by any means)
I'm not into the all american clean cut thing but I want my guy to look like a guy not this:
http://hidensneek.com/wordpress/wp-cont ... ambert.jpg
And please no makeup. LOOK LIKE A MAN!

Personality
-Kind
-Respects women
-Good manners
-not clingy
-friendly
-loves kids but doesn't want any: I AM NOT maternal at ALL!
-Wants cats instead of kids
Basically someone who is a decent, responsible person.

Intrest
-All kinds of music likes the bands i like
-school/studies(I need my guy to be well educated)
-video games

I'm not asking for too too much i don't think.

Stellar
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30 Jul 2010, 6:55 am

-Emotionally strong
-Accepts and believes in Jesus. I don't mean to sound so closed but differences in religion or other big things can cause a lot of strain in a relationship. So basically, I want most of our core morals to at least line up a little bit.
-Caring
-Ambitious
-Works, goes to school, or volunteers
-Intelligent
-Modest
-Faithful!
-No substance abuse, please.
-Lives near me, or eventually has plans for us to live near each other.
-Wants to get married some day in life; doesn't believe in divorce unless certain things happen in the marriage.
-Wants to adopt and have children with me some day, at least when it gets to the point where we're settled into the marriage and our careers.

Yes I am a picky, but it's best for me and my potential partner to be picky at first. After many failed relationships, I found out that being picky at first is better for the relationship in the long run. You don't want to be constantly arguing and have your personalities clashing over things that just can't be changed.

b9
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30 Jul 2010, 7:33 am

9 pints of blood.

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