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How low can you go?

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Daemonic-Jackal
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23 Jun 2010, 11:32 am

nick007 wrote:
I do not like the idea of having standards at all. I think individuals should be looked at on a case by case basis instead of looking to see if they meet all the requirements on an arbitrary checklist.


100% this, people who have stupidly high standards are completely going about trying to find a partner the wrong way.

Instead decide what are absolute no-no's, don't be petulant and have too many ruling out most of the opposite/same gender (depending on your orientation) then progress from there.

Everyone should be judged on their own merits within reason of course.


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RICKY5
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23 Jun 2010, 10:11 pm

Dilbert wrote:
deadeyexx wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
but at least then I will actually be living, as opposed to this drab existence I have now.


This need for validation is really hurting you. You'll have a hard time finding anyone who will work as hard as you want them to just to make you feel alive.

You have to work thru this neediness before you can move any further.


He's been told this only about a hundred times. He won't listen, or he doesn't believe it, or doesn't know how to help himself. I don't know which.

The very OP is flawed. He speaks of lowering his standards as if he's shopping for a used car. Like he just decided that a 4-cylinder is good enough for him.

It's a person you speak of, not a thing, man! What are you going to do for her? How are you going to attract her and keep her?

You really really need to STOP looking for a relationship for like a year. Just stop, and work on yourself.


I'm glad that I am not the only one who has noticed this with ToadOfSteel... :evil:



RICKY5
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23 Jun 2010, 10:20 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
You guys out there (I'm not naming names but you know who you are) looking for quick flings are the ones that are "car shopping". You care only about yourselves and your own gratification.


Awww I'm flattered. :twisted:



CrinklyCrustacean
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24 Jun 2010, 6:02 am

RICKY5 wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
You guys out there (I'm not naming names but you know who you are) looking for quick flings are the ones that are "car shopping". You care only about yourselves and your own gratification.


Awww I'm flattered. :twisted:


Out of curiosity, you said earlier in the thread that you were more idealistic about love when you were younger. What made you change? It's quite a dramatic transformation from what you thought then to what you think now.



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24 Jun 2010, 2:24 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Dilbert wrote:
He speaks of lowering his standards as if he's shopping for a used car.


Umm, no. I'm saying that anyone that likes me back is good enough for me, because this is a real person we're talking about.


I understand you're not mistaking a potential partner and a car, but maybe you should change your methods. Instead of lowering your standarts try enlarging your .... "field of research" (sorry, I couldn't think of a better way to say it) . Try to meet more people, join a group of friends. Friends that are like you, you are more likely to meet girls that are interrested. But don't focus on finding a girl right away, try to have friends first, then you may find someone.

For your weight, do your best, but as previously mentionned, it's not crucial, focus on your self esteem. Lot of heavyweight persons successfully keep a girlfriend with their kindness and attention. Don't be shy... and try to go in that kind of direction, been social isn't easy but it's the most effective way.

You may have already figured all that out. What do you think about this?


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RICKY5
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24 Jun 2010, 4:58 pm

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
RICKY5 wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
You guys out there (I'm not naming names but you know who you are) looking for quick flings are the ones that are "car shopping". You care only about yourselves and your own gratification.


Awww I'm flattered. :twisted:


Out of curiosity, you said earlier in the thread that you were more idealistic about love when you were younger. What made you change? It's quite a dramatic transformation from what you thought then to what you think now.


It was a combination of observations and personal experience. I was virgin all throughout high school and a good chunk of college and had that "why does no one love me?" attitude. I dreamed of living happily ever after witha person who would
complete me. I constantly spiff validation from other people and bent over backwards for anyone who asked. Needless to say it got me nowhere in finding a girl who liked me.

So I studied a lot of seduction
material (Louis and Copeland, Ross Jeffries and it just wasn't working. I still wasn't getting the affection I craved (which is really a whole story). I kept getting the dreaded Ljbf line. One summer I just got sick of not having the affection I wanted and called my first service provider.

When it was done I felt liberated. So many of the lame hangups and inadequacies I felt were gone. This incredible weight I had on my chest was gone. I no longer felt
like this outcast who couldn't do what everyone else was. I could go to a college party and think "wow I can easily get a girl just as hot as they are"

You never know until you try. The thing is you have dive both feet in.





I am very aware of the issues that I have with my mother and father now more than ever. When you Start having your physical needs met, you can more easily look at your psychological and emotional self. You are able to think
more clearly.



ToadOfSteel
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24 Jun 2010, 8:48 pm

Have you ever considered that not everyone is looking for sex?



NarfMann
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24 Jun 2010, 11:27 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Have you ever considered that not everyone is looking for sex?


This is true, but most people are looking for sex. If you're so desperate for companionship that you're willing to take any old thing that comes along to give it to you, without regard to your own wants, you'll have much more luck if you start looking for sex yourself.



Moog
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25 Jun 2010, 4:25 am

What? Most people want x, but Toad wants y. Toad can't get y, so he should look for x? Huh?


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25 Jun 2010, 4:29 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Have you ever considered that not everyone is looking for sex?


There's a Freudian theory which says that everything humans do is actually for sex, subconsciously a lot of the time. Take from that what you will.



ToadOfSteel
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25 Jun 2010, 8:21 am

NarfMann wrote:
This is true, but most people are looking for sex. If you're so desperate for companionship that you're willing to take any old thing that comes along to give it to you, without regard to your own wants, you'll have much more luck if you start looking for sex yourself.


Wouldn't that turn away even more women when they discover how much of a "pig" I am?



deadeyexx
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25 Jun 2010, 9:16 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Wouldn't that turn away even more women when they discover how much of a "pig" I am?


It may, or it may not.

Pigs actually get a lot of women to have sex with them, and they rarely get the title of being a pig until they don't want anything more and move onto the next girl.

I used to think the same thing, and would go on a date with women and avoid anything sexual to try not to scare them away. And guess what? They rarely ever wanted to see me again. It wasn't until I started right away putting the moves on them when I began to get sex consistantly and even interest in further relationships.

People are pretty simple creatures when you boil everything down, and driven by the desire for sex like any animal. After the initial desires are met, relationships can form, but even then are often back-rationalized by the raw desires. An intellegent guy like yourself should be able to work wonders with that.



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25 Jun 2010, 9:28 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
NarfMann wrote:
This is true, but most people are looking for sex. If you're so desperate for companionship that you're willing to take any old thing that comes along to give it to you, without regard to your own wants, you'll have much more luck if you start looking for sex yourself.


Wouldn't that turn away even more women when they discover how much of a "pig" I am?


Wouldn't you also be being a "pig" if you only go with someone because they like you. What if someone "better" comes along who also likes you? Would you "trade up"?


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BigK
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25 Jun 2010, 10:00 am

deadeyexx wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
Wouldn't that turn away even more women when they discover how much of a "pig" I am?


It may, or it may not.

Pigs actually get a lot of women to have sex with them, and they rarely get the title of being a pig until they don't want anything more and move onto the next girl.

I used to think the same thing, and would go on a date with women and avoid anything sexual to try not to scare them away. And guess what? They rarely ever wanted to see me again. It wasn't until I started right away putting the moves on them when I began to get sex consistantly and even interest in further relationships.

People are pretty simple creatures when you boil everything down, and driven by the desire for sex like any animal. After the initial desires are met, relationships can form, but even then are often back-rationalized by the raw desires. An intellegent guy like yourself should be able to work wonders with that.


I think that you are missing something here. I don't think that it is really the sex.

IMO it is because the more predatory you had and displayed more self confidence.

If people think that you are happy with yourself they are more likely to be attracted to you.

I think that self confidence is a major part of Toad's problem here. See Forresthouse's post.


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deadeyexx
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25 Jun 2010, 10:49 am

BigK wrote:
I think that you are missing something here. I don't think that it is really the sex.

IMO it is because the more predatory you had and displayed more self confidence.

If people think that you are happy with yourself they are more likely to be attracted to you.

I think that self confidence is a major part of Toad's problem here. See Forresthouse's post.


True, but I've found most people view confidence and sexual forwardness as the same; whether they really are or not. Never heard of a woman saying "wow, he was really confident, in fact so confident that he didn't feel the need to make a move on me". The lack of forwardness is always attributed to lack of confidence.

What this means? You can push yourself to be forward, without much confidence, and get the same results as a confident person :) After a while of good results, your confidence level eventually catches up.



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25 Jun 2010, 12:30 pm

It's all about your social lifestyle.....