The world of female and male aspie dating

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What are conflicts you have dealt with as an aspie male or aspie female?

I think it's hard on both but in different ways. I would just like to know from your point of view how difficult if you have had difficulties.

Do you mean in aspie/nt relationships or aspie/aspie relationships or both?

Other than my first girlfriend, who was an NT, cheating on me, I haven't had very many issues in either of the two relationships I had been in.

My first girlfriend was an NT, and my second was an Aspie.

Tim

Assuming you mean relationships in general, here are some conflicts that have arisen.

1) My social issues have caused problems. I've had boyfriends get angry at me for wanting to leave a social event too soon after arriving, or not talking enough. They say, "You don't like my friends!", "Stop being so unfriendly!", "Why are you being rude?", "Relax. My family won't hurt you," etc.

2) I used to bite my cuticles, which was an issue in a past relationship. The guy said, "You're perfect except for that habit. If you don't stop, I'll have to leave you."

3) And of course there have been issues with my tone of voice. I'll ask a benign question and it will be taken as sarcastic or complaining. This still happens all the time, but my bf doesn't make a big deal of it--I think he sort of understands.

Those are the conflicts that had to do with them being critical of me.

any type of dating.

I started dating NT's back before I knew there was a name for my difficulties. Ended in disaster. So much manipulating going on that it made my head spin and I got tired of it. It really sucked when everyone seemed to know what was going on behind my back and I was sent the memo months after it was going on.

There were times when I did pick up on manipulation and lashed out after I started to observe traits of the manipulative types and how to pick up on hidden agendas. Sometimes it's not very sharp and I get it after the events took place. If I'm in an enviroment where there are alot of distractions, I usually pick up on it after it happened rather than on the spot.

What a Jerk that guy is!! ! Now that is rude!! !

Lots of problems

1. Lack of social skills meant that getting a girlfriend in the first place was damn hard. I eventually cured this by signing up with a computer dating outfit.

2. Eventually I got to the point where relationships were lasting a month or so then crashing and burning. Some of these were because I didn't know what PMT was and everyone was too embarassed to explain it to me. Other ralationships died because when it came to the sex thing I was like a fish out of water.

3. My parents were weird and this resulted in a few relationships ending. Eventually I stopped introducing girlfriends to my parents and things improved.

4. Going seriously crazy in my early twenties was probably the best thing that happened to me. The staff at the hospital gave me the social skills training and helped rebuild my mind into something that could cope with the outside world.

5. It's taken me over half my lifetime to get it right but eventually I did find that special someone. She knows about AS, she accepts me for what I am, and we're having fun.

Ed Almos

I don't really have relationships anymore, because I have a dislike of physical contact in most occasions, and so I am somewhat less than affectionate. Also I can be hard to talk to, as I interrupt sometimes, talk about my interests, etc. I also have a problem with sensory overload when going out, so dating is hard. No dancing, no concerts, only quiet restaurants.
Always dated NT's--I think. I've enver known anyone who knew they were an Aspie.

I dated an NT for two years. The end of the relationship was crippling because I couldn't really understand her perspective at all,and i thought the break up came out of nowhere. Then I dated an NT for 6 months. The ending of that relationship was smooth and easy and pleasant (we're still friends). Then I dated an NT for 2 years. That relationship just ended and I am bummed out about it because I realized I was an aspie during the break up. I'm still in love with her, but I can't giver her what she needs since she's all NT about everything.

Anyhow, another thing I want to mention is that I think I have a tendency to view people as images instead of people in relationships, which always causes problems. I remember all the details of what happens in relationships and I reference the details a lot. Also, I'm repetitive. People don't usually like that kind of stuff.

I am sick of dating. every relationship I had ended without so much as the girl saying its over. they just stop talking to me just like that, as if I'm not even worth talking to. It's really depressing and because I didnt understand, it chipped away my self esteem and confidence.

I dated one girl for three months but I was too anxious and took a long time to become comfortable with having sex and so on, then right when I was ready she stopped talking to me just like that. I was really depressed.

I only dated one other aspie, but the chemistry wasn't instant and I wanted there to be time to see if it would come up, and right from the first day she was talking about a full committed relationship and it scared me because every relationship I had- the girl never actually cared and the one's ive seen between others have been nasty, explosive and down right negative and I thought that was a typical relationship. I thought I would just end up with someone trying to control me etc.

So I lost all confidence in natural relationships and went online and that was 1000X worse. I thought I'd meet someone compatible through the artificial context but that failed hard. I met some women but it was brief and I felt weird or depressed after. Most of them would block me just for saying hi, since thanks to all the guys who are rude and perverted, have spammed every person with nasty emails and smeared their reputation all over the good guys.

On top of that, basic conversation-openers or greetings have been chiche'd and I've been blocked just for trying to start a conversation. Then there are those who pretend to be interested and then say they want to meet then I never hear from them. I got this issue where my self esteem teeters on if I could start a relationship with somebody.

I don't like online dating. Every website is full of snobs and they make you pay to contact them. Being rejected over and over again is not worth my money or time.

Now that I have very little confidence in dating whatsoever, and it burns and hurts when I hear others success stories about 'finding that special someone' or having flings, whatever, or even just seeing couples because it reminds me of my fear that I'm never going to find someone.

I would like to be with a girl who I'd accept and care about and who would do the same for me, but it feels like that's too much to ask- like its a privelege I am not entitled to. And sometimes I feel guilty for not just settling. I feel like due to my bad dating record, I'm cursed with never meeting someone. Every girl I talk to in real life always has a boyfriend. Always.

And I don't like when people tell me "Oh, you'll find Ms. Right, it just takes time" because that means nothing to me. To me it translates as 'shut up and wait'
And I'm scared I'll end up a lonely old man who nobody will want.

So where do I go from here?

as an aspie,i have no conflicts of aspie males dating aspie females.besides,that's what i'm trying to do

I’ve been hindered by lack of interest, low self esteem and social difficulties. But now I’ve accepted it’s not an ideal situation for me to date.

I gave up.
Then I met her.
My aspie princess.
Ah yeah.

I screwed up my 1st two relationships because my partners were my special interests & I didn't give them enough space due to anxiety, OCD & depression issues. My 2nd girlfriend is an Aspie & my 1st wasn't on the spectrum but she had dyslexia, sever ADHD & minor OCD & I have those things as well on top of my Aspergers. My current girlfriend is also on the spectrum but she's also kind of clingy & needy due to anxiety, depression & other issues. She does get annoyed that I don't give her enough space sometimes but other times she wants me around & she has a hard time telling me when she wants space or not.

I have also had a lot of problems with trying to get GF's due to not having any self-esteem or having a hard time talking to people.

They are two entirely different worlds.

There's barely anything in common.