i'm beginning to suspect....

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that i'll be alone forever. i got divorced over 3 years ago. i can't seem to get the social fortitude to leave my house and meet people. and the women i have met, obviously don't understand me at all. i guess because i'm "weird".

and i just don't get people.

i was seeing one woman for a while, but she ended everything because i was "too nice" - in her words. wtf does that even mean? people are a mystery to me.

anyway, just kind of a whiny rant. feeling extraordinary lonely today, and wondering what's wrong with me that no one feels like they have any interest in me at all. looks like it's just going to be me and my cat for the rest of my days....

Apparently the woman you were seeing hasn't had enough grief and aggravation dating "bad boys". I'm sure there are others who would like a nice guy, although sometimes "nice guy" is code for lack of decisiveness and self direction.

"Too nice", that line is used too much. It means probably means that woman thinks you are boring, too good to be true, too strange. Got a similar line two weeks ago in an email; but she likes to stay friends.... come on, make up your mind woman! So I thanked her politely for mailing with me and stopped wasting my time on that.

Sometimes I get the impression that living alone is much easier and preferable.

But to end my rant and bent it in a positive way...
You got experience with marriage/living together. You are smart enough to get attention from women, so you should have some success eventually. One thing I 'forget' too much is telling how I feel about her; at least that is what I am told.
Maybe that is the same for you?

i honestly don't know. maybe i was supposed to get drunk and slap her around? and i did tell her how i felt, i tend to be brutally straightforward and just say what i think - which often gets me in trouble.

i've lived down here since august of last year and i have yet to make any friends or meet any females who have an interest. it seems the problem is girls my age are usually married/otherwise involved, and ones younger seem to think it's "creepy" that i would show an interest in them. i've never much worried about age difference.

hmm, do you always react with flat out apologies and admission of total guilt when in arguments? Instead of sort of getting involved in a discussion and negociating what happened and admission of guilt when wrong and apportioning blame when needed?

That's one of the main bits about 'nice' guys that annoys me. I know it sounds weird that 'sorry' might piss someone off, but in the middle of an argument, when the other person is trying to make a reasonable point (rather than just shouting angrily), a steady stream of nothing but apologies just seem like attempts to mollify The Angry Mountain Goddess (she's about to blow! Bring on more sorrys!) instead of going to the route of the problem and discussing the issues and solutions like equals.

Sorry Asterisp. I'm just throwing this out that's all; could be 100% irelevant and just me projecting from past experiences. You might know all this already (or none of the above might apply to normal people)

well, of course. i tend to avoid confrontation because it easily distresses/overloads me. it's far easier for me to just take the blame, apologize, give the other person time to cool off, then figure out how to correct the situation.

it never occured to me that saying "sorry" would be a source of irritation.

Well... I can't speak for all women, but I know that I personally can find it irritating.

Imagine if you're trying to argue reasonably (in your mind) but the other person seems to be treating you like the human equivalent of mt Etna... it kind of makes you feel like they don't see you as a logical person with reasonable views but a sort of mindless disaster that needs to be prevented at all costs (hence the all-purpose sorrys). I'm not Einstein but I'm logical enough and I can understand another person's point of view when explained. I find it insulting when someone treats me like I'm an emotional ticking bomb and therefore doesn't explain, just keeps doling out the 'damage limitation'

Basically, sometimes it's best to let the other person talk and then talk about what they've said and ask questions and appear to be working with them to come to a conclusion. No matter what the conclusion is, whether the other person believes they are still in the right or not, appearing to actually listen to someone's points really does help diffuse things.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes there is a time and a place to keep silent and just apologise. But not when the other person is trying to discuss something and get feedback. Telling the difference? Not sure how to explain. The simplest rule of thumb may be to try one and if it doesn't seem to be working, try the other...

I think. Could be wrong. May not be applicable in all cases. Er. Sorry, that was a minor vent out of nowhere. As I said, not directed at you personally.

perhaps a lot of it came from spending 15 years married to a woman who was prone to screaming strops that would impress a 3 year old. i spent most of my time just trying to avoid her. she didn't grasp she was overloading me by doing so.

i also have very little concept of what people's intentions/thoughts are, almost 0 empathy, and i might be "smart" but i have a difficult time following someone else's logic to grasp the end result they're searching for.

all of this combined makes me quite inept when it comes to relationships.

who knows, maybe i'm better off alone. it's quite possible i'm doing the planet a favor by not inflicting myself on someone else, especially since it appears i'm quite baffling and irritating.

Yeah, that might explain a lot. I know a couple like that too; the guy just ends up taking all the blame, no matter who's fault it is. They're still together though... perhaps it's a 'type' of relationship... would you be happy with a woman who threw tantrums again? There's probably a few out there looking for a nice guy who'll apologise



Hey, stop it! I wasn't calling you irritating. I was just pointing out a typical 'nice guy' behaviour that happens to irritate me. I don't speak for all women and even if I did, one behaviour doesn't make you, as a person, irritating.

I did say, this may not be relevant. Something's come up in my own life which makes this relevant to me, so maybe that's why it's on my mind. I wasn't posting to upset you or to call you names but I did think it might possibly help, hence the reason I posted. Clearly it didn't.

yeah...that was really unhealthy. it did nothing but worsen my mental problems as well.



i know you weren't calling me specifically irritating. that's just the impression i get from most females. it appears to my point of view that i tend to make them wonder what the hell is going on inside my head, and serve to agitate them.

and yes it helped me understand a bit, thanks

No problem. It seems you are spot on. And using experiences is what this site is all about. With this amount of people some experiences should fit, and yours fit okay for this topic.