03 Aug 2010, 5:07 pm
03 Aug 2010, 6:40 pm
04 Aug 2010, 9:31 am
n4mwd wrote:
I've been following the forums here for a few years now. If the posters here on WP can be considered a good cross section, it IS true that a good many aspie males have difficulty in the relationship area. My guess is that the number is about 40% not 90%. But when I say "difficulty", I mean just that. Having AS means its harder, but not impossible to have a relationship.
In my case, I am asexual which really throws a rock in the works. Unfortunately, there are a lot of aspies that are also asexual who still desire a relationship. When you are a teen, and asexual, relationships are very difficult because you simply don't have the drive. In my case, I've had a girl tell me that she wanted to sleep with me and I thought she meant she was just drowsy. We were 12. Another girl in school kept sitting next to me in 7th grade study hall with her arm around me. I thought it was because she needed help with her spelling. And the list goes on. When you are asexual, you can't see a relationship potential even when it kicks you in the teeth.
People are always making invalid assumptions about my sexual proclivities. I don't know if its because of the way I look or the way I walk or whatever, but If I told a stranger that I get laid 3 times a week with a different girl, he would believe it. It would be a lie, but the fact that someone wouldn't challenge such a load of bull utterly amazes me.
I occasionally take walks around the neighborhood and I met my neighbor around the corner. I was dressed like I normally dress for walking - shorts, shoes, my watch.and nothing else. She is very hot and we only talked about horses and stuff and she made it clear that she had a boyfriend. Meanwhile, my neighbor across the street saw us together. The next time I saw him, he was convinced that I was sleeping with her even after I denied it. Go figure.
So for heterosexual aspies, I'd say they have pretty descent odds of finding someone. I think its just a matter of learning to recognize a relationship when it presents itself.
In my case, I am asexual which really throws a rock in the works. Unfortunately, there are a lot of aspies that are also asexual who still desire a relationship. When you are a teen, and asexual, relationships are very difficult because you simply don't have the drive. In my case, I've had a girl tell me that she wanted to sleep with me and I thought she meant she was just drowsy. We were 12. Another girl in school kept sitting next to me in 7th grade study hall with her arm around me. I thought it was because she needed help with her spelling. And the list goes on. When you are asexual, you can't see a relationship potential even when it kicks you in the teeth.
People are always making invalid assumptions about my sexual proclivities. I don't know if its because of the way I look or the way I walk or whatever, but If I told a stranger that I get laid 3 times a week with a different girl, he would believe it. It would be a lie, but the fact that someone wouldn't challenge such a load of bull utterly amazes me.
I occasionally take walks around the neighborhood and I met my neighbor around the corner. I was dressed like I normally dress for walking - shorts, shoes, my watch.and nothing else. She is very hot and we only talked about horses and stuff and she made it clear that she had a boyfriend. Meanwhile, my neighbor across the street saw us together. The next time I saw him, he was convinced that I was sleeping with her even after I denied it. Go figure.
So for heterosexual aspies, I'd say they have pretty descent odds of finding someone. I think its just a matter of learning to recognize a relationship when it presents itself.
You don't know how much I wished I had your "problem".
04 Aug 2010, 9:08 pm
ryanms92 wrote:
You don't know how much I wished I had your "problem".
Please elaborate. Which problem do you want me to send you?
04 Aug 2010, 9:25 pm
04 Aug 2010, 10:29 pm
04 Aug 2010, 10:46 pm
04 Aug 2010, 10:54 pm
27 Feb 2014, 11:56 pm
28 Feb 2014, 4:24 am
28 Feb 2014, 8:17 am
01 Mar 2014, 7:18 pm
TheMighty_Moo
Deinonychus
Joined: 18 Feb 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 318
Location: Chillin' in Turkey
06 Mar 2014, 1:02 pm
06 Mar 2014, 3:35 pm
07 Mar 2014, 6:24 pm
07 Mar 2014, 11:59 pm
ryanms92 wrote:
"Why am I not interested in women?
Before I got my Aspergers diagnosis in June 2003, I had complexes for being 30 and a virgin.
They went away with the diagnosis.
My social abilities are so extremely bad that I never learned how to get friends and to understand other people. Therefor, I don't have the same need to get a girlfriend or a family as other people. It's actually like being around a lot of people makes me want to "change the channel" or turn off when it becomes to much for me.
With the chromosome translocation i have, I don't even dare to have children either.
Somebody will maybe disagree with me on this, but I don't want a child neither me as a father or to inherit my autism or genetic disorder!
I spent a great deal of time at an internet dating site and got to "know" some girls there, but now I know that I was only looking for "the wrong part" of the relationship between to people.
On this dating website i behaved like a fool. But I've put that far behind me now. I now know that I'm 30 and a virgin because I have a form of autism and that I've long since accepted, the same way that I've accepted that I can't drive a car because of my epilepsy.
Boys with Asperger's mature slower than other boys and because of that, the gap between them and girls their own age becomes much wider and therefor they have less than zero chance of getting a girlfriend at age 16-18 like other boys. While other boys go to parties or are active in sports at this age, a 16 year-old boy with Asperger's may still be interested in his action figures or other things boys his age grew out of at age 12.
The result of this is that 90% of all men with Asperger's never get a girlfriend or marry.
Sadly there is a sickening "industry" of "experts" who publish books and has websites promoting advice for women who are in love with or are married to men with Asperger's. There are so extremely few men with Asperger's who are in this situation that it's only pathetic!
My obesity, due to my overeating doesn't make me a perfect "fatherhood candidate" either.
I would like to sum up the reasons to why I don't care about this in this way:
1: Lack of social abilities.
2: Doesn't want to subject anyone to the same things my family has had to go through for 30 years, such as weird habits, lack of empathy, rage and "manic" periods.
This is what often destroys relationships for people with Asperger's Syndrome.
More about this on the website of Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome.
3: I don't want children.
4: I want to "disappear in the crowd" and by no means attract any attention and cause bullying.
I'm against sexual education for young people with Asperger's because 90% of all boys with Asperger's will never reach the maturity needed to get a girlfriend. For them, this education will just become another form of pornography.
schools today has no education about the acceptation of asexuality."
Not sure who this was written by, but it's gotten me thinking. What are the actual numbers of Aspies with romantic relationships?
I have been trying to talk to this girl for a long time. I finally started a conversation and I must have gone on too long or I was boring or whatever, because she seemed extremely disinterested. I just want to talk to this girl, but I can't think of anything to say and even when I do, I always mess up the conversation. How do you get around this?
I know a lot of you people will say something like "Don't worry about it. Just go up and talk to her." Well, I don't know her very well and I at least want to establish some kind of friendship with her beforehand. Obviously, this is the dilemma for most Aspies.
Anyways, to summarize, 1. What do you think of the 90% statistic the person above me gave? Do you think he's just depressed about his life or do you think there is truth to what he says? 2. How do you tackle the problem of not knowing what to say to a girl?
Thanks and have a good day!
Before I got my Aspergers diagnosis in June 2003, I had complexes for being 30 and a virgin.
They went away with the diagnosis.
My social abilities are so extremely bad that I never learned how to get friends and to understand other people. Therefor, I don't have the same need to get a girlfriend or a family as other people. It's actually like being around a lot of people makes me want to "change the channel" or turn off when it becomes to much for me.
With the chromosome translocation i have, I don't even dare to have children either.
Somebody will maybe disagree with me on this, but I don't want a child neither me as a father or to inherit my autism or genetic disorder!
I spent a great deal of time at an internet dating site and got to "know" some girls there, but now I know that I was only looking for "the wrong part" of the relationship between to people.
On this dating website i behaved like a fool. But I've put that far behind me now. I now know that I'm 30 and a virgin because I have a form of autism and that I've long since accepted, the same way that I've accepted that I can't drive a car because of my epilepsy.
Boys with Asperger's mature slower than other boys and because of that, the gap between them and girls their own age becomes much wider and therefor they have less than zero chance of getting a girlfriend at age 16-18 like other boys. While other boys go to parties or are active in sports at this age, a 16 year-old boy with Asperger's may still be interested in his action figures or other things boys his age grew out of at age 12.
The result of this is that 90% of all men with Asperger's never get a girlfriend or marry.
Sadly there is a sickening "industry" of "experts" who publish books and has websites promoting advice for women who are in love with or are married to men with Asperger's. There are so extremely few men with Asperger's who are in this situation that it's only pathetic!
My obesity, due to my overeating doesn't make me a perfect "fatherhood candidate" either.
I would like to sum up the reasons to why I don't care about this in this way:
1: Lack of social abilities.
2: Doesn't want to subject anyone to the same things my family has had to go through for 30 years, such as weird habits, lack of empathy, rage and "manic" periods.
This is what often destroys relationships for people with Asperger's Syndrome.
More about this on the website of Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome.
3: I don't want children.
4: I want to "disappear in the crowd" and by no means attract any attention and cause bullying.
I'm against sexual education for young people with Asperger's because 90% of all boys with Asperger's will never reach the maturity needed to get a girlfriend. For them, this education will just become another form of pornography.
schools today has no education about the acceptation of asexuality."
Not sure who this was written by, but it's gotten me thinking. What are the actual numbers of Aspies with romantic relationships?
I have been trying to talk to this girl for a long time. I finally started a conversation and I must have gone on too long or I was boring or whatever, because she seemed extremely disinterested. I just want to talk to this girl, but I can't think of anything to say and even when I do, I always mess up the conversation. How do you get around this?
I know a lot of you people will say something like "Don't worry about it. Just go up and talk to her." Well, I don't know her very well and I at least want to establish some kind of friendship with her beforehand. Obviously, this is the dilemma for most Aspies.
Anyways, to summarize, 1. What do you think of the 90% statistic the person above me gave? Do you think he's just depressed about his life or do you think there is truth to what he says? 2. How do you tackle the problem of not knowing what to say to a girl?
Thanks and have a good day!
The sad thing is some of us want it terribly bad. I was so depressed until I met my ex wife in my 30's. Now I'm fine, I've experienced love and it's taught me a lot about how to treat people in general, how to be good to them and how to be faithful. I used to think that I would rather have been on one extreme end than somewhere in the middle, because I wanted intimacy and love so badly but at the same time I wondered if I could even be on object of love for someone else. It made me feel subhuman and wish that I never had any interest in love in the first place.
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