Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

Post Reply New Topic

See this is where things get confusing, The horrid truth is about a good 75% women now-a-days can't determine REAL nice guys from Fake nice guys.

I consider myself a nice person, I'm not lying when I say that when I would give out $20 bills to other kids just for the heck of it....

but I'm not here to brag I'm here to lend my personal opinion.

The problem from my end really began in junior high. You see for men the whole love and dating thing is a "game." The goal is to see who can get laid the fastest and who can get laid the most. Trust me I learned all of this the hard way.

It may not be that way at everyone else's High School, but that's what I dealt with. It was hard to be a black man with AS.

The way I see it, the remnants of supposed "game" still linger in life when in fact after you graduate from high school, the "game" is over.
Think of it like having the best day of your life, you wouldn't want the day to end right? Its the same thing in my opinion.
The truth is no one really wins, everyone who plays lose, period. Most of the guys who played not only lost their virginity, but lost their sanity and began stuff like drugs, and alcohol just to keep up with the "game."

I'm not saying this is all true. I'm just saying this is my personal opinion, it at least helps me sleep at night...

I salute thee!

I agree. Check the following link........
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/women-are-estupid/


I love that! I'm going to use it whether I have permission or not!

I actually just read a book called "Guyland" for this Sociology class and it said the exact same thing. You're very perceptive, MM. If I had known all this stuff about rules and games in High School/College, I might have done better. Instead I feel like I missed the boat because now all the decent nice guys are married with kids and I'm the only Single person my age left. (OK, that's probably not true but it feels that way--and where are all these nice, single guys anyway?) They are not in my area or they are not interested in me or something. I think my odds of being hit by lightning are better than the odds of me finding a man. (Of course if I'd quit standing outside during thunderstorms, those odds may change some. )

Not all women want the bad boy, macho type. Please allow me to throw this out at you: how about if an attractive, intelligent, extroverted girl approaches a nice guy (via email). Would you give it a try or not?

All input is appreciated!




quote="AutisticMalcontent"]Well I'm going to cite off a cliche' that everyone is familiar with- "Nice guys finish last". I am a strong believer in this cliche', the reasons being very simple, according to what I've observed. First off all, nice guys are typically "normal" and are not nearly as interesting/exciting and wild as overly confident guys/jerks/charming guys. Note that I am not using jerks as a synonym for all confident guys romantically, just a select group. Secondly, nice guys tend to be shy and not nearly as assertive romantically like confident guys tend to be. And finally, nice guys, in their shyness, don't understand about how to approach girls/women romantically, and therefore they appear awkward around them.

These are the reasons why nice guys fail I believe. But I also have another belief and I'm curious as to how many agree with me on this. Since nice guys are often rejected because of their shyness, girls tend to go out with guys that exude confidence, and who also tend to be jerks after a while. This is my opinion, I think that girls who reject nice guys and date jerk-type guys more than deserve the heartache they will eventually feel, whether it be a bad breakup, being used, or whatever else. I'm not saying that every girl has to date one particular nice guy, but I'm saying that if a girl rejects a nice guy for a jerk, isn't it fitting that she pay the consequence of her choice? Kind of like the physics principle "For every reaction there is a opposite and equal reaction"? Just my thoughts, tell me what you guys think [/quote]

Not all women want the bad boy, macho type. Please allow me to throw this out at you: how about if an attractive, intelligent, extroverted girl approaches a nice guy (via email). Would you give it a try or not?

All input is appreciated!




quote="AutisticMalcontent"]Well I'm going to cite off a cliche' that everyone is familiar with- "Nice guys finish last". I am a strong believer in this cliche', the reasons being very simple, according to what I've observed. First off all, nice guys are typically "normal" and are not nearly as interesting/exciting and wild as overly confident guys/jerks/charming guys. Note that I am not using jerks as a synonym for all confident guys romantically, just a select group. Secondly, nice guys tend to be shy and not nearly as assertive romantically like confident guys tend to be. And finally, nice guys, in their shyness, don't understand about how to approach girls/women romantically, and therefore they appear awkward around them.

These are the reasons why nice guys fail I believe. But I also have another belief and I'm curious as to how many agree with me on this. Since nice guys are often rejected because of their shyness, girls tend to go out with guys that exude confidence, and who also tend to be jerks after a while. This is my opinion, I think that girls who reject nice guys and date jerk-type guys more than deserve the heartache they will eventually feel, whether it be a bad breakup, being used, or whatever else. I'm not saying that every girl has to date one particular nice guy, but I'm saying that if a girl rejects a nice guy for a jerk, isn't it fitting that she pay the consequence of her choice? Kind of like the physics principle "For every reaction there is a opposite and equal reaction"? Just my thoughts, tell me what you guys think [/quote]

Wow, some of these threads are so long that they should be subforums. Anyway, the answer to this question is that women in feminist countries are repulsed by nice guys while women in non-feminist countries are attracted to nice guys. A very good description of what American women are attracted to is given by <offensive link removed>.

Interesting. Just how is it, then, that so many really nice American men end up happily married to American women?

Don't answer. Rhetorical question. You already know I completely disagree with all your assumptions about women from "feminist cultures," and the way you slander good men in the process.

My goodness, is this post still going on and on? Take one generic subject and see it grow into a long and drawn out discussion

It lives because it got stickied. Maybe it's time to reconsider that? Keeps it up on the top of the page for, well, forever.

+3

I definately agree with what you're saying. If you want to be treated right you should put in the effort to find the right person. A person who is overly confident will have trouble thinking about people other than himself, that much should be obvious.
I actually try my best to pick out nice guys. Though I feel bad for them because my screening process involves a lot of bullying...

Yes......I suspect that when a woman says a guy is too nice, it's often NT code for too weak, or too polite. The too-nice guy always caves in at the slightest challenge or contradiction.....if you're going to stand up to an as*hole, it's kind of hard to be absolutely gorgeous about it.

I also think anybody who never pushes back or shows (properly-measured) anger is likely to arouse suspicion - because nobody's that good and until they do get angry, there's no way of knowing whether they can perform that important function without losing or going unjustifiably ape.

And extreme politeness, while it may seem conceptually to be a rare virtue, is difficult to deal with. It's hard to challenge such a person, or to use any aggression towards them, because if you do then you'll look like a bastard. The unqualified generosity of politeness can be a source of guilt for the recipient, and it can make it hard to respect such an individual.

But if you occasionally show some spunk, you can be very nice in between times. All a matter of knowing when it's appropriate.

I was normally horrifically nice when I was young, and I think I'm still a little too nice on the whole. But one partner admired what she called my "quiet strength," meaning that although I seemed placid and non-confrontational, I never let myself be pushed around. Problem is, she kew that because she'd had the time to get to know me well - for many other women, first impressions would likely make a bigger impact and they might not hear my quiet strength at all, and judge me weak or suspicious, and move on. My first couple of girlfriends quickly began controlling the whole relationship, and ditched me pretty glibly. My third began to control the relationship, but eventually I grew a few teeth and reclaimed the trousers. I went much too far, and after that I put an even stronger clamp on my aggression, but developed that "quiet strength" instead. I think I need some good assertiveness training - my dad was extremely nice but had a filthy temper on the rare occasions that he did lose it. I've done somewhat better, but I feel need to do better still.

the term should really be "pushover"

Nice guys exist as much as nice girls do - they don't. I don't care how much of a pushover someone is, or how kind he/she seems - everyone has duality. I have seen extremely sweet, passive guys (like my current on and off again Aspie) turn into raging lunatics in split seconds. I have been seen as compassionate and kind, but I am a real terror. So, I don't buy that nice guys/gals finish last because no one is that nice unless by some martyrdom complex of choice, and well, they are getting what they ask for. Self-fulfilling prophecy comes to mind. People need to own up to what they choose, you know. I've been searching for a true "nice" guy for at least 20 years and have yet to find one. However, if the term "nice" guy implies weak, then I guess some women can be pretty abysmal to that, but I'm pretty weak and find that men are no more forgiving.

When a nice guy finishes, what he finishes is so damn worth it. I <3 my new girlfriend.