Could there be any union between AS male and female

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I have been on this and other AS forums for years and in recent years there has been a real resentment between male and females, not all of them obviously but as a whole I feel it. I feel like both side are jealous of the other IE

women say, AS men are more accepted because, they are more allowed to have weird solitary hobbies by society, they are not expected to nurture a family and be motherly and caring, they are not expected to fit into female cliques and social bitchiness, they do not have to suffer harassment and rape, or people pushing them into controling marriages.

men say, AS women have it easier as there is much more social pressure on men to be tough, outgoing and social, succesful, the breadwinner, the responsibility to approach potential partners, and generally be a winner. even having had bad relationships but the fact of having them easily means they have never known the shame of the isolated AS male, they only have to be pretty to be popular and for people to include them in groups and find a husband to take care of them.

This to me is the main clash between the two. I think the lack of empathy that AS gives you makes it hard to see the other side. I personally find it really hard to imagine what it is like to be harrased for sex in a negative way or bothered by men as it has not happened to me. Maybe by a few gay guys here and there but they were not aggresive or pushy. And i think i can see from the forum that vunerable AS women who have been raped find it hard to feel sympathy for a man who has been made fun of for never being able to get partners.

In my opinion Aspies should face the world together. And try to listen to each other, make friends and see the other view.

Now here is my theory. I think that put-down aspies of both genders have a resentment to the other gender and "play a role" on forums. I believe that naive AS men who have been ignored or messed around by NT women see tough aggressive NT men, who don't let women mess them around, and posture on the forum, over- playing the role of the tough, woman hating men they see in life. I also believe, that naive AS women who have been abused by NT men, see manipulative tough NT women who haven't let men push them around, and they then posture on the forum, over-playing the role of a woman like that. As they have failed so that is how they want to be seen. Both "performances" inflame and anger the other side and make the other side up their performance to be more extreme and worse. That is my theory.

very interesting.

I think bitterness from anyone is a lack of wisdom, its doesnt serve the person. Its like drinking poison yourself but waiting for your enemy to die. Much better to let go of old resentments and make a positive life for one self.

I think some aspies can get on with each other and some cant as with any people, on a big forum you will get diverse populations who have a mixture of ideas, some moderate and some extreme. I dont think people can change peoples minds from makeing posts but I think making posts is valid as at least it supports the people who do agree with oneself and people have to express themselves.

I have problems empathising with shy submissive people of either gender as Im a more forceful character. I think its a mistake how a lot of people equate AS with shy, when its the shyness or self esteem the person is haveing a problem with rather than their AS.

I really dont think it is a gender thing as my dad was far more odd than me and he always had wives and lovers. I think it must be a confidence thing.

I definatley agree people should not be bitter and I think that it is true there is a huge variety of people on here. Still the same old complaints come up though.

I think i have an easier time of it as i like chatting to people and like things like music. I feel bad for the aspies who have exessively technical and in-drawn interests like bus engines and dont feel they could make conversations with others.

You'd think. But interestingly, one of my interests is football and you'd think I'd have a real easy time of it. But it's kind of like I know it in a different way, I expect the coaches to be good-natured, realistic, constructive team builders and also highly competent. Yeah, it's like I take it more seriously than most other fans. And then, there's just all the normal vagaries of human social interaction. I attempt to strike up a conversation, and for whatever reason, the person's just not in a mood for a conversation, and that's perfectly okay. All part of it.

One way to end the feud is for people to stop trying to gain sympathy for their situations. It's not productive and it won't get them a boyfriend/girlfriend, nor will it validate their ineptitude at obtaining significant others.

I think the AS woman & AS guys should start dating each other instead of fighting about iit

Yes.

Based on the posts here I would rather be alone than have a relationship with a guy with aspergers.

I have been interested in guys with aspie traits but this is in Real life and they don't blame women for their problems.

"waa they wont give me a chance" "waa they should want to date me" "waaa they're all stuck up snobs" "waaa its not fair" "waaa we live in a sexist society" "waa, im a nice guy"

Geez. You're just pushing people away. I am far from perfect and I cannot get anything I want with a man i'm very interested in - but I don't care, i'm not really trying and its not a huge deal.

Surely that's been said enough in other threads, Hale. C'mon. Let's make this one about reconciliation.

i have seen a number of hostile posts from men who are angry at women because they feel they are being unreasonably prevented from having sex or some variant on that theme, or the "AS men have it worse" theme.

by contrast there have indeed been hostile posts by women and the ones i've seen have been responses to what i have said above.

neither is conducive to positive discussion, and no one posting angrily in such a manner should expect respectful dialogue to follow.

i have found that discussion about relationship issues in the in-depth adult part of the forum is much more mature and less bitter. so i'm going to say it has something to do with age. maybe those of us who have trouble in this arena (of which i am one) can learn some by reading relevant posts by married and otherwise coupled aspies rather than debating our troubles with each other.


also: let's agree this is a very difficult condition to have if one wants a significant other. if we are going to be angry, it is fair (but ultimately not constructive) to be angry at the predicament. then we can look for strategies to help, and in theory men and women should be able to offer respectful advice to one another in this manner. anger directed at the opposite gender is misguided. anger at stereotyped male and female roles and difficulty understanding or fitting them, maybe not so misguided. but we must accept the predicament we're in before we can learn the skills to manage it.

i'm not for censorship except in extreme cases (hate comments based on race, gender, sexual orientation, etc) but in the case of the l & d forum i think there should be a moderator keeping the reins on gender based blame tight.

my opinion. i throw myself to the wolves.

absolutely has to factor into this. yes.

so let's be on the same side. AS vs. dating. SUCKS. but let's try to solve some problems instead of creating more.


thank you for starting a topic about this mutate. hoping it stays positive.

drama is more popular evidently

Keep one thing in mind. This is an internet discussion board, not real life. Guys in real life will usually not say some of the things that they feel safer saying on the internet. I have seen enough of facebook to know that NT guys are perfectly capable of being emo sh*theads on the internet despite how they act in real life and vice versa.

What you see is a more unfiltered version of what people are thinking on the internet, and some of those thoughts are pretty ugly.

True.

Guess i'm just not into internet ars*holes, I find it very off putting. Im sure some whiny internet people are cool enough offline.

So it seems. If only llamas were more popular.

But what to do about the gender gap, especially with certain individuals here actively pushing to just make it wider...