I think my boy friend has Aspergers, but not really sure.

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Thanks Dilbert.

If he really realizes what he is doing he should call and ask me to go with for weekend right? I clearly mentioned in the email that I being neglected, I am the one who has to call to meet etc

So do you think he will change his behavior or just continue this? I still dont understand why I like him so much. Yesterday when we met I enjoyed his company, I think he did too, but he dont express, he dont even hold my hands. I have to initiate to hold his hands then he will hold mine. Does AS people have any problem sexually?

The reason I like him most is "He is very honest". It is very hard to find people who are honest and I was so surprised to see how honest he is. His mother is so sweet, she always treats me so well.

I am not sure how long it will take him to realize if I dont communicate with him in any mode of contact. Sometimes it feels whether he likes me, and then if he dont like then why he would introduce me to his family and co-workers. I know it is Aspie thing, but his feelings for me is real? Very confusing Dilbert. I am very successful in life, only one thing lagging is my love life. I thought I found someone but this guy is acting weird.

How much percentage do you think he is definetly has Aspie?

Thank you so much for your time Dilbert.

Obsessive interests and lack of empathy are known to be Asperger's traits. However, just because obsessive interests and lack of empathy are known to be Asperger's traits, that is not conclusive of your boyfriend being Aspie. He might be obsessive and lacking in empathy, or he could just be an inconsiderate selfish a***hole.

So he apparently lacks empathy. And he's selfish. And he's inconsiderate. And he doesn't meet your needs. And when you try to raise the fact that you consider your needs aren't being met he gives you the brush off... but he's a very nice man and you like him so much?

From what you say, he doesn't seem to think he has a problem. He seems quite happy with the status quo. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say "my problems with him". Precisely. Your problems.

On a brutally honest basis, as for how you "fix this issue", i.e. how you fix him? You don't. It seems to be your problem. Not his.

On the one hand you *say* you like him, but the fact that you have so many criticisms and that you have sought out WrongPlanet to ask for advice about how to fix him, you seem to find much of his behaviour and attitudes towards you disagreeable, your criticisms seem to imply that you don't like him very much, not when it boils down to it, because your liking him is conditional on him changing and becoming someone else, the person who you want him to be the person who you want to like, the fiction you have created in your head about your idealised version of him.

Do you really, truly like him? Or do you just like the idea of having a boyfriend, perhaps having an idealised, perfect version of him as your boyfriend? Because you do know, don't you, that he's not perfect, he's never going to live up to your ideals, especially not if he's Aspie.

You're possibly better off cutting your losses and trying to find someone more suitable, more empathic, more considerate, more willing and able to meet your needs.

So, you'll be happy if he's not on the spectrum, but if he is on the spectrum, you want to fix him?

*newsflash* There is no cure. If he's on the spectrum, you cannot cure or fix him. *newsflash*

As for the issues, perhaps you could 'train' him like Pavlov's dog to meet your needs, but ultimately, if you want to fix him/the issues, it sounds as though your expectations are too high and you will continue to be frustrated.

It's really notable that in your first two posts in this thread, you've not mentioned anything about you trying to adjust, you trying to understand him, it seems as though you just want him to change to always fall in with what you want, because you're just frustrated at always having to do what he wants. Yes, at the moment, you just comply with doing things his way, and doing what he wants to do, because he appears to lack the empathy to be aware that maybe you're not into tanks, but you're doing that resentfully and you're frustrated and annoyed and not willing to accept that in the long term, you haven't mentioned anything about you being willing or able to learn to adjust your mindset and accept the reality of being with him. You seem not to want to compromise or reach some middle ground, you seem to want him to permanently change and do things your way.

If he is on the spectrum, you're never going to make him "normal", again, yes, people on the spectrum can learn new behaviours, but it sounds as though there's a fundamental disconnect between what you want (a man who is empathic, considerate, unselfish) and who/what he is.

The problem he has is that you're unable to accept and love him for who he is, you want to change him.

He doesn't seem to think he has a problem.

Thanks for all your comments EnglishLulu.

No one is forcing me to be in this relationship. I am with him for almost 6 months. As I was always saying I like him so much, he is good honest guy but his behavior is little different than others. We dont talk 3 or 4 days in a row and then meet for 2 or 3 hours, which doesnt seem like good dating. Since my friend has mentioned about the Aspergers I am here to understand what is the exact things going on in the relationship, is it something to do with this syndrome. If so what would be the next step, how to proceed it further.

I am ready to accept who he is otherwise I would have left him long back. If he really has this syndrome and if he discuss with me I dont think I have no problem to learn more about this syndrome and live with it. But does he really has AS, if not why he is behaving. All these are questions which I want to ask here and see what people say.

Your previous posts didn't convey that sentiment, of your being ready to accept who he his.

Your previous posts conveyed a sentiment of increasing frustration and unhappiness with the situation and a desire to "fix" *his* "issues" and "problems". Your previous posts conveyed a sentiment of wanting to change him and his behaviours into a more "normal" even perfect version of him, which you have idealised and decided in your mind to be your goal, what you want to change him into.

If that is what you want to think, thats fine.

Thanks for your response.