For stright guys. Are you ever asked if your gay?

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jdcnosse
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30 Aug 2010, 7:35 pm

my most recent girlfriend thought I was gay, however it's probably due to me being an androgyne.


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scubasteve
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01 Sep 2010, 6:36 pm

Yes. By my parents. That was not cool. Also when I walked into a gay bar to use the bathroom, but that was understandable.



AnonymousAnonymous
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01 Sep 2010, 7:10 pm

My sister asks me this whenever she gets an opportunity.

I think she is a closeted bisexual.

People always have a tendency to ask me if I am gay.
I am tempted to ask, "What makes you think I am gay?"


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LolaCrazy
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01 Sep 2010, 11:35 pm

Yes, I have been asked if I am gay. I really didn't have any girlfriends in high school and sometimes I was called gay back then because, at least for me, if you are in high school and don't have a girlfriend pepole automatcally think you are gay. Over the years on the bus pepole ave asked me if I had a girlfriend and if I said no the next question they asked was if I am gay.

Some time ago I considered becoming gay because I didn't have much luck with women and I thought gay men didn't have the same problems in relationships that us hetrosexual men do. When I found out that they do then I stopped considering it.

Still I think gay men do have some advantages. They don't have to go through the same formalities that us hetros do in relationships. Formalities that can be dificcult for us with Aspergers. Also they don't have to worry about not saying certain things to women in relationships. The same things us straight men can say to other men but not women.



billsmithglendale
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02 Sep 2010, 10:32 am

LolaCrazy wrote:
Still I think gay men do have some advantages. They don't have to go through the same formalities that us hetros do in relationships. Formalities that can be dificcult for us with Aspergers. Also they don't have to worry about not saying certain things to women in relationships. The same things us straight men can say to other men but not women.


I'm not gay, but I know a lot of gay guys -- to some extent, you are correct. Casual sex happens much more often (literally hundreds or thousands of a percent more), and relationships also happen more easily.

The double-edged sword is that committed relationships are fewer. It's a lot easier for gay men to cheat, and the temptation is constant. Combine that with a much higher rate of HIV, and it pretty much means that you have to always have safe sex, even in LTR's, or take your life in your hands.



tomhead
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04 Sep 2010, 6:54 am

I am 32 years old, effectively straight, and have never been in a serious relationship. Most of my friends are female, and I bond/interact in an androgynous or feminine way.

I get asked if I'm gay quite often. Doesn't bother me. For the right guy, I might be.


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rmgh
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04 Sep 2010, 5:31 pm

LolaCrazy wrote:
Still I think gay men do have some advantages. They don't have to go through the same formalities that us hetros do in relationships. Formalities that can be dificcult for us with Aspergers. Also they don't have to worry about not saying certain things to women in relationships. The same things us straight men can say to other men but not women.

I don't think that's entirely true. It's what I've found.



Sslaxx
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05 Sep 2010, 6:17 am

Been asked now and again. Seems I give off inadvertent 'camp' signals (not even aware I am!) and my best mate's gay, so do the math...


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05 Sep 2010, 11:17 am

I've been asked about many thing, but, fortunately, gay is not one of them. I do not date, although it's crystal clear it's just because I suck at it.


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polymathpoolplayer
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05 Sep 2010, 7:14 pm

Not asked per se, but assumed, and in fact I had to punch one guy out who wouldn't take no for an answer and was going to get physical (in the non-fighting sense of the word).

In my case, being borderline Aspie, I'd say it's the artistic side of me that makes them think I am. Nothing could be further from the truth as my gf and pr0n collection will attest :)



Avarice
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06 Sep 2010, 2:59 am

Sometimes. I'm not stereotypically manly, but I'm not stereotypically gay either. I believe these people assume I'm gay mostly because I've never shown an interest in females whereas they have spent most of their lives chasing them, sharing jokes about sex and telling each other who they want to "tap." (I am currently attending high school.)

I can see that I view females as sexually attractive, but I have no desire to act on that attraction, I don't view men as sexually attractive, though I prefer male friends, many of whom actually do display signs of stereotypical homosexuality.

As I see it, most uses of the word "gay" have nothing to do with homosexuality anymore, it's more related to how cool the person thinks you are. That's why this one guy calls my several of my friends gay and yet says that I'm fine by him.



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08 Sep 2010, 7:02 pm

I've been asked this a few times because I'm s**t at taking an interest in dating.



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08 Sep 2010, 7:24 pm

Technically, no. I've been told point blank I was gay. This coming from a straight guy with a desire to have a girlfriend, although the girls around here take no interest in a guy who won't allow himself to beat the crud out of her, or allow the opposite to happen to him. This was back in 8th grade, from people I thought were my friends. Apparantly, the idiots thought that just because I didn't have five or six girlfriends (at the end of the year I had one long distance relationship that lasted a few months and then disintegrated), that meant I was gay or bi. I still cringe when I hear those words.



halcyondream
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09 Sep 2010, 6:53 am

I have been asked if I was guy multiple times in my life at different ages by different girls. I believe the first time I was thirteen, then in highschool, and once more about a year ago. Also in college a girl I am now long term friends with and went on three dates with joked once about it. The first time she came over to my apartment to sleep over, upon walking into my room she looked around and said to me, "You are the gayest straight guy I have ever known."



OddFiction
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09 Sep 2010, 9:14 am

This probabbly happens for two main reasons:

1> we don't respond to body signals or other social cues that a girl is hitting on us. Since MOST men will respond to them in some unconcious or concious way, they instinctively believe we are not interested in women.

2> we don't usually have long lines of girls in our pasts. Most men do. And we aren't always 'out there' looking - we have other involving interests.... which to most guys is odd.



billsmithglendale
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09 Sep 2010, 11:53 am

OddFiction wrote:
This probabbly happens for two main reasons:

1> we don't respond to body signals or other social cues that a girl is hitting on us. Since MOST men will respond to them in some unconcious or concious way, they instinctively believe we are not interested in women.

2> we don't usually have long lines of girls in our pasts. Most men do. And we aren't always 'out there' looking - we have other involving interests.... which to most guys is odd.


Good reasons, but I would say #2 is more of a figment of the media (i.e. MTV and lots of TV shows about high school life) than reality -- I know tons of NT guys who don't have long lists of women in their past. The media makes us think this is normal, but it is not. Some minority of guys, i.e. the top 10% in looks or social influence, popular guys in big cities where there are lots of females their same age, etc., do, but that's the exception rather than the rule. The media sets unrealistic expectations in terms of what our dating lives should be "ideally." I've done ok for myself personally, but still have a relatively brief line (partially because I got married so early).