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I was exploited and hurt by a pedophile on line

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nick007
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10 Sep 2010, 4:24 am

ProfessaM wrote:
i was really just simply looking for affection and a sense of belonging that my peers did not provide me and i was always bullied by them so i turned to him :cry: that is your answer as to why i was interacting with this 30 year old man


I figured it was something like that. I've known some girls online who've been in similar situations. It's really good you never met him offline. If he's still trying to contact you; I would highly recommend telling your parents or therapist to try & have him reported for it. Lots of us here here have similar problems offline(I know I do) This is a good community to try & make friends or find people who will listen & understand if you need to talk or something. It's a good idea to try & fallow people's post a bit before PMing & all. I like lotusblossom's idea of a befriender. I never heard of it before but it sounds like it could be good. I really hope you start feeling better about things


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10 Sep 2010, 5:44 am

buryuntime wrote:
Again, those laws are all sexual. Just because someone is a thirty-year-old doesn't mean their intentions are bad. I think you're going to do more harm for your child presenting them with such ageist views. You can teach a child "If something makes you uncomfortable or is inappropriate, tell me or stop chatting" rather than "Don't talk to thirty year olds".


That's a really good point. People have got to be taken on a case by case basis, rather than making blanket generalisations on age or any other grouping which creates paranoia. And that's one of the biggest problems with what western society has become - paranoia, an atmosphere of rampant mistrust, a suspicion culture.

In this case, though, in hindsight the OP should have immediately cut off all contact with her Pakistani internet contact as soon as the second conversation which was when he started making sexual conversation, and being exploitative.



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10 Sep 2010, 5:48 am

HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
I don't believe the government has issued any laws governing who you can interact with and who you can't based on age. I agree with Chronos in that it depends entirely on the situation (non-sexual.)


Have you every heard of statutory rape laws? Laws against child pornography? How about laws that prohibit minors from engaging in sexting? Did you know the U.S. Department of Justice has created Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force, specifically to deal with people who abuse and exploit children via the internet?

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your perspective is reckless, and could easily put children at risk. And for what? The possibility that a stranger half-way across the world might be interesting to get to know? No parent should be comfortable with taking this kind of risk with his/her child.


This guy should be reported and hopefully see some jail time.

I can see both your points of view here. Saying "Never" is clearly the safest way. In the short term at least. I think that your daughter is still quite young HopeGrows. You will evaluate what you think that she can handle as she grows.

We take risks with our children every day. Every day that they step out of the house alone is a risk. Crossing the road is a risk. Many people are not allowing their children out of the house alone. Driving them everywhere. I don't believe that that helps them in the long run. Children do need to understand risks, be able to minimise them and to deal with them.

Maybe you need to completely control her internet access now but when will you give her more control? When she is 16? 18? 21? 30? If you still have the internet completely locked down as she gets older she will find ways to circumvent you. Then she may never feel able to tell you what happens because she shouldn't have been on in the first place.

People still get murdered on Facebook meet ups even in their 30s and 40s.
It is a judgment call and you are best placed to make it. But you cannot protect her for ever and you will still be worrying even when she is 40. She needs to be able to protect herself and that may mean being aware when something is not right and telling you immediately.


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10 Sep 2010, 9:23 pm

buryuntime wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
I don't believe the government has issued any laws governing who you can interact with and who you can't based on age. I agree with Chronos in that it depends entirely on the situation (non-sexual.)


Have you every heard of statutory rape laws? Laws against child pornography? How about laws that prohibit minors from engaging in sexting? Did you know the U.S. Department of Justice has created Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force, specifically to deal with people who abuse and exploit children via the internet?

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your perspective is reckless, and could easily put children at risk. And for what? The possibility that a stranger half-way across the world might be interesting to get to know? No parent should be comfortable with taking this kind of risk with his/her child.

Again, those laws are all sexual. Just because someone is a thirty-year-old doesn't mean their intentions are bad. I think you're going to do more harm for your child presenting them with such ageist views. You can teach a child "If something makes you uncomfortable or is inappropriate, tell me or stop chatting" rather than "Don't talk to thirty year olds". If you told me that as a child I would likely misconstrue it as to mean to never talk to any adults in any situation. Age has nothing to do with it.


No actually, all those laws do not deal solely with the sexual abuse of children, particularly those associated with the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. Again, you are missing the point by a mile: the difference in age has everything to do with it. A 30-year-old man is an adult male; a 13-year-old girl is barely a teen-ager. What common interests could they have? Justin Bieber? What kind of advice would a 30-year-old man want from a 13-year-old girl? What experiences could they discuss? He's going to b!tch about his job, and she's going to gripe about middle school? NO. He's going to charm her by showing interest in her; he's going to pretend he cares about her to win her trust; he's going to manipulate her emotions; then he's going to con her into doing things she shouldn't do. And that's exactly what happened to the OP: she was vulnerable, and he exploited her. Ageism? Are you kidding me? Children are taught to respect adults; they're taught to trust adults. I would no more let a stranger have access to my child over the internet than I would let a stranger take her out for ice cream.


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nick007
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10 Sep 2010, 9:34 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
I don't believe the government has issued any laws governing who you can interact with and who you can't based on age. I agree with Chronos in that it depends entirely on the situation (non-sexual.)


Have you every heard of statutory rape laws? Laws against child pornography? How about laws that prohibit minors from engaging in sexting? Did you know the U.S. Department of Justice has created Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force, specifically to deal with people who abuse and exploit children via the internet?

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your perspective is reckless, and could easily put children at risk. And for what? The possibility that a stranger half-way across the world might be interesting to get to know? No parent should be comfortable with taking this kind of risk with his/her child.

Again, those laws are all sexual. Just because someone is a thirty-year-old doesn't mean their intentions are bad. I think you're going to do more harm for your child presenting them with such ageist views. You can teach a child "If something makes you uncomfortable or is inappropriate, tell me or stop chatting" rather than "Don't talk to thirty year olds". If you told me that as a child I would likely misconstrue it as to mean to never talk to any adults in any situation. Age has nothing to do with it.


No actually, all those laws do not deal solely with the sexual abuse of children, particularly those associated with the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. Again, you are missing the point by a mile: the difference in age has everything to do with it. A 30-year-old man is an adult male; a 13-year-old girl is barely a teen-ager. What common interests could they have? Justin Bieber? What kind of advice would a 30-year-old man want from a 13-year-old girl? What experiences could they discuss? He's going to b!tch about his job, and she's going to gripe about middle school? NO. He's going to charm her by showing interest in her; he's going to pretend he cares about her to win her trust; he's going to manipulate her emotions; then he's going to con her into doing things she shouldn't do. And that's exactly what happened to the OP: she was vulnerable, and he exploited her. Ageism? Are you kidding me? Children are taught to respect adults; they're taught to trust adults. I would no more let a stranger have access to my child over the internet than I would let a stranger take her out for ice cream.


Umm I'm a 27year-old guy who replied to a post by a 14year-old girl; Does this make me a creep? NOT every adult online who chats with a teen is looking to take advantage of em. I chat with teens some. I find I can relate to em better than adults in some ways. We have similar interest in music, TV movies ect(I'm very immature OK :o Why don't you go rant about how the Big Brother/Big Sister programs & every religious person in authority are harming kids. I'm tired of these blanket judgments


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MicroChip
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10 Sep 2010, 9:39 pm

To the OP:
You're a 14 year old girl then why are you chatting to a guy that you know is 30?

Even I know as a girl growing up with both Asperger's and ADHD, I knew it's not ok to chat to people who are a lot older than me, especially males on the internet.
Somehow I wasn't exploited by a pedophile online or in person.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you could of stopped talking to the guy.



Last edited by MicroChip on 10 Sep 2010, 10:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

HopeGrows
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10 Sep 2010, 9:47 pm

Keeno wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
Again, those laws are all sexual. Just because someone is a thirty-year-old doesn't mean their intentions are bad. I think you're going to do more harm for your child presenting them with such ageist views. You can teach a child "If something makes you uncomfortable or is inappropriate, tell me or stop chatting" rather than "Don't talk to thirty year olds".


That's a really good point. People have got to be taken on a case by case basis, rather than making blanket generalisations on age or any other grouping which creates paranoia. And that's one of the biggest problems with what western society has become - paranoia, an atmosphere of rampant mistrust, a suspicion culture.

In this case, though, in hindsight the OP should have immediately cut off all contact with her Pakistani internet contact as soon as the second conversation which was when he started making sexual conversation, and being exploitative.


In my town, a 5-year-old girl was abducted from her own backyard last summer - around noon on a sunny Saturday, while her parents and seven siblings were busy inside their home, just feet away. (My town btw, is crammed with million $ homes, and is considered a very desirable place to live.) The man who abducted this little girl held her for a few hours, then released her on the street in a neighboring city. Before he released her, he told her she should tell her parents never to leave her alone in the backyard again - and that he hoped they'd learned their lesson.

Thankfully, that little girl returned home safely to her family. How can you question how/why western society has become a "suspicion culture?" Paranoia? I don't think so...paranoia indicates that a fear is unfounded. Are predators everywhere? Undoubtedly not, but the problem is that predators don't identify themselves. Would I like to be able to trust strangers? Sure - but there are too many reasons not to.


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10 Sep 2010, 9:56 pm

nick007 wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
I don't believe the government has issued any laws governing who you can interact with and who you can't based on age. I agree with Chronos in that it depends entirely on the situation (non-sexual.)


Have you every heard of statutory rape laws? Laws against child pornography? How about laws that prohibit minors from engaging in sexting? Did you know the U.S. Department of Justice has created Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force, specifically to deal with people who abuse and exploit children via the internet?

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your perspective is reckless, and could easily put children at risk. And for what? The possibility that a stranger half-way across the world might be interesting to get to know? No parent should be comfortable with taking this kind of risk with his/her child.

Again, those laws are all sexual. Just because someone is a thirty-year-old doesn't mean their intentions are bad. I think you're going to do more harm for your child presenting them with such ageist views. You can teach a child "If something makes you uncomfortable or is inappropriate, tell me or stop chatting" rather than "Don't talk to thirty year olds". If you told me that as a child I would likely misconstrue it as to mean to never talk to any adults in any situation. Age has nothing to do with it.


No actually, all those laws do not deal solely with the sexual abuse of children, particularly those associated with the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. Again, you are missing the point by a mile: the difference in age has everything to do with it. A 30-year-old man is an adult male; a 13-year-old girl is barely a teen-ager. What common interests could they have? Justin Bieber? What kind of advice would a 30-year-old man want from a 13-year-old girl? What experiences could they discuss? He's going to b!tch about his job, and she's going to gripe about middle school? NO. He's going to charm her by showing interest in her; he's going to pretend he cares about her to win her trust; he's going to manipulate her emotions; then he's going to con her into doing things she shouldn't do. And that's exactly what happened to the OP: she was vulnerable, and he exploited her. Ageism? Are you kidding me? Children are taught to respect adults; they're taught to trust adults. I would no more let a stranger have access to my child over the internet than I would let a stranger take her out for ice cream.


Umm I'm a 27year-old guy who replied to a post by a 14year-old girl; Does this make me a creep? NOT every adult online who chats with a teen is looking to take advantage of em. I chat with teens some. I find I can relate to em better than adults in some ways. We have similar interest in music, TV movies ect(I'm very immature OK :o Why don't you go rant about how the Big Brother/Big Sister programs & every religious person in authority are harming kids. I'm tired of these blanket judgments


Yes, you replied to a post by a 14-year-old girl, in a public forum, where your comments are visible to others. @nick007, if friended the same 14-year-old girl on FB, or asked to IM her, or started emailing her and sent her a webcam, would I doubt your intentions? You bet I would. And there's a difference between an 18 or 19-year-old teen and a 13-year-old girl. Frankly, I don't care what you're tired of, @nick007. If you give young girls the impression that it's okay to interact with men who are more than twice their age online - simply because some of them might not want to sexually exploit them - you're encouraging them to take an unnecessary risk with their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Would you want some stranger in a forum to encourage that kind of behavior in your young daughter? Jesus, you wouldn't tell a kid not to bother looking both ways before she crosses the street, but you're okay with exposing her to strange men in an unchaperoned environment? That seems like a solid risk/reward scenario to you? Really?


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nick007
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10 Sep 2010, 10:06 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
nick007 wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
buryuntime wrote:
I don't believe the government has issued any laws governing who you can interact with and who you can't based on age. I agree with Chronos in that it depends entirely on the situation (non-sexual.)


Have you every heard of statutory rape laws? Laws against child pornography? How about laws that prohibit minors from engaging in sexting? Did you know the U.S. Department of Justice has created Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force, specifically to deal with people who abuse and exploit children via the internet?

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your perspective is reckless, and could easily put children at risk. And for what? The possibility that a stranger half-way across the world might be interesting to get to know? No parent should be comfortable with taking this kind of risk with his/her child.

Again, those laws are all sexual. Just because someone is a thirty-year-old doesn't mean their intentions are bad. I think you're going to do more harm for your child presenting them with such ageist views. You can teach a child "If something makes you uncomfortable or is inappropriate, tell me or stop chatting" rather than "Don't talk to thirty year olds". If you told me that as a child I would likely misconstrue it as to mean to never talk to any adults in any situation. Age has nothing to do with it.


No actually, all those laws do not deal solely with the sexual abuse of children, particularly those associated with the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. Again, you are missing the point by a mile: the difference in age has everything to do with it. A 30-year-old man is an adult male; a 13-year-old girl is barely a teen-ager. What common interests could they have? Justin Bieber? What kind of advice would a 30-year-old man want from a 13-year-old girl? What experiences could they discuss? He's going to b!tch about his job, and she's going to gripe about middle school? NO. He's going to charm her by showing interest in her; he's going to pretend he cares about her to win her trust; he's going to manipulate her emotions; then he's going to con her into doing things she shouldn't do. And that's exactly what happened to the OP: she was vulnerable, and he exploited her. Ageism? Are you kidding me? Children are taught to respect adults; they're taught to trust adults. I would no more let a stranger have access to my child over the internet than I would let a stranger take her out for ice cream.


Umm I'm a 27year-old guy who replied to a post by a 14year-old girl; Does this make me a creep? NOT every adult online who chats with a teen is looking to take advantage of em. I chat with teens some. I find I can relate to em better than adults in some ways. We have similar interest in music, TV movies ect(I'm very immature OK :o Why don't you go rant about how the Big Brother/Big Sister programs & every religious person in authority are harming kids. I'm tired of these blanket judgments


Yes, you replied to a post by a 14-year-old girl, in a public forum, where your comments are visible to others. @nick007, if friended the same 14-year-old girl on FB, or asked to IM her, or started emailing her and sent her a webcam, would I doubt your intentions? You bet I would. And there's a difference between an 18 or 19-year-old teen and a 13-year-old girl. Frankly, I don't care what you're tired of, @nick007. If you give young girls the impression that it's okay to interact with men who are more than twice their age online - simply because some of them might not want to sexually exploit them - you're encouraging them to take an unnecessary risk with the physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Would you want some stranger in a forum to encourage that kind of behavior in your young daughter? Jesus, you wouldn't tell a kid not to bother looking both ways before she crosses the street, but you're okay with exposing her to strange men in an unchaperoned environment? That seems like a solid risk/reward scenario to you? Really?


Telling kids to avoid older guys online is NOT going to protect em. It's NOT just older men who are sick. Some older teens are & lots of people online lie about their ages. I think people need to learn to use their judgment about what's safe & what isn't. Simply saying that the older guys are bad is giving the wrong impression


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HopeGrows
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10 Sep 2010, 11:15 pm

nick007 wrote:
Telling kids to avoid older guys online is NOT going to protect em. It's NOT just older men who are sick. Some older teens are & lots of people online lie about their ages. I think people need to learn to use their judgment about what's safe & what isn't. Simply saying that the older guys are bad is giving the wrong impression


Risks and rewards, @nick007. That is what you balance when raising a child. Adults have to make decisions about what is safe and what isn't - that's an adult's job, not a child's job. Children learn to make those decisions gradually, and they should be encouraged to make decisions that are appropriate to their age. A parent's job is to balance what the child needs to learn with the consequences of the child making the wrong decision. A 13-year-old girl is not able to fully understand the consequences of entering into a sexual relationship, particularly a relationship with a man more than twice her age.

I agree that there are predators of all ages and sexes trolling the internet. Again, the problem is that the predators don't tell you they're predators. So a young girl might miss knowing a nice adult man over the internet. Big deal. That's a trade-off I'm willing to make in order to ensure she's not exploited and abused by a pervert.


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11 Sep 2010, 2:14 am

You belong here!

<hugs>

Please talk to someone about this in real life. We are willing and able to offer all the support we can, but text on a computer screen can only go so far.



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11 Sep 2010, 2:27 am

Though if someone is responsible they will stick to public comments on a public forum if only to protect themselves.

On topics like films and games kids will be interacting with adults all the time. My favorite site is probably about 80% 30+ men. But you still get the occasional 13/14 year old joining. Sometimes it is a shock to find that someone 'has to quit because it is school tomorrow'. I really couldn't 'recommend' the site to every 13/14 year old but my kids use it from time to time. some of the kids who joined aged 13/14 are adults now, have degrees and are married and still visit the site.

In some ways I would be more worried about my kids coming on to wrongplanet.

On the net you don't really know who anyone is. People who claim to be 14 may be much older. Unless you will monitor every conversation the child will still need to have a feel for when things are not right.


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11 Sep 2010, 2:40 am

ProfessaM wrote:
My psycologist said to me he partially cared about nothing but himself and was exploiting me and my kindness. Was this entirely true though? He also had another 300 girls as his friend on facebook and recently has sent me messages like "I may never forget you my best aussie friend" "I miss you my friend, hope you are fine, my wife is not well nowadays she is in hospital" I just didn't know whether I could trust him after how he has hurt me, exploited me sexually and hacked into my family's computer. And he just won't stop sending messages. It still hurts to think of it :cry: My babes, I call him, disappointed me.


No, you can't trust him. He should be in jail.

If you really cannot report him at least threaten to report him and keep your family informed about what is going on.


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"How can it not know what it is?"