To Date or Not to Date

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Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 34
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Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

12 Sep 2010, 1:58 am

I gave up trying to date sometime ago. Plenty of rejections and the fact that I needed alcohol to get enough confidence to ask a girl out and when I did so they thought I was drunk made me do so.

Right now Im slowly trying to get back in the market, Im starting to wear matching outfits again,Im trying to gain confidence talking to women by talking to the few feamles I have and Im going to give dating another shot soon.

Id have to be prepared for rejection but I believe thats better than spending all my life lonely reminiscing my early attempts of dating and what went wrong.

pbcoll
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12 Sep 2010, 3:34 am

I've completely given up. Spare me the fights and disappointments, the rejection and the breakups, the drama, etc. Yes, I know I will end up very, very alone - but I don't think it would be any different if I didn't give up, the only difference would be a lot more bitterness and frustration. My only relationship left me sufficiently scarred that I don't expect anything good out of relationships at all - theoretically I'd like one if I could get into one that wasn't totally dysfunctional, but since that's not on the cards, being alone is the lesser evil - even getting into any relationship at all would be virtually impossible, but in any case I see little point in having a gf just for the sake of having one.

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hyperlexian
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12 Sep 2010, 12:00 pm

spongy wrote:

yay!! ! glad to read you are going for it again!

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spongy
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12 Sep 2010, 12:04 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

spongy wrote:

yay!! ! glad to read you are going for it again!

Thanks for the support.

BTW congratulations on reaching 1000 posts.

hyperlexian
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12 Sep 2010, 12:06 pm

spongy wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

spongy wrote:

yay!! ! glad to read you are going for it again!

Thanks for the support.

BTW congratulations on reaching 1000 posts.

i DID????? thanks for telling me (rushes off to change custom rank).

honestly, i think you seem like a kind, nice, smart, and super guy here on the forums and i would be happy to see you successful!! !

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PHISHA51
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12 Sep 2010, 1:34 pm

I would try and stay between the lines of loneliness and dating. If I try taking a shot at dating and know that I might get rejected, I would stay calm, act casual and give the person I fancy little hints so I don't give myself false hopes and get too excited of "what could have been". Safe to say when I do get the news of rejection that it would not effect me as much since I already am full aware of what it feels like to be lonely. Rejection still hurts and I do take the hit, but I have the strength to get back up.

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hyperlexian
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12 Sep 2010, 3:10 pm

PHISHA51 wrote:

that sounds like good advice. glad to read you don't let rejection discourage you.

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HopefulRomantic
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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
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12 Sep 2010, 5:47 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:

HopefulRomantic wrote:

Upon reading the forums, I have seen the recurring motif of posters who maintain they are lonely (and yearning for a shot at a romantic relationship) but their fear paralyzes them into inaction.

It begs the question, which is the lesser of two evils: (1) taking a shot at dating knowing full well you can get rejected or (2) giving into the loneliness and just not even try?

Any takers?

Sometimes taking the chance is worth it.

I wholeheartedly concur!!

HR

HopefulRomantic
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12 Sep 2010, 5:48 pm

emlion wrote:

I think it's best to always try.
I hate to quit on anything and i'd been rejected many times by guys.
But I kept asking, and being myself and i've found a lovely man who knows all of my flaws and loves me regardless.
All it takes is time and effort to find someone special.
Never give up.

Thanks for the inspirational post - just goes to show - Hope does spring eternal!

Tenacity is key!! !

HR

HopefulRomantic
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12 Sep 2010, 5:50 pm

KaiG wrote:

HopefulRomantic wrote:

Obviously (1).

In my case, I'm actually willing to give it a try. I just have no idea how to go about meeting people.

I'd rather not have to go "on the pull", as it were. I'd much prefer to meet a girl through a mutual interest or acquaintance. Unfortunately, my social circle is very small (few friends, no siblings and not a very large extended family)

I'm moving to London soon, so maybe there'll be more for me to do there, and maybe that'll help me meet more people of the female persuasion?

I agree - it is much easier to meet a viable romantic match through mutual friends or family - because at least you know some of their history and the like.

I am thrilled for you that you are moving to London - ENJOY!!

HR

HopefulRomantic
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12 Sep 2010, 5:51 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

If fear is all that's stopping you, just get over it. The risk of short term embarrassment is worth the opportunity at a relationship. It's basic economics really :wink:

I agree with your analogy! Thanks for your input!!

HR

HopefulRomantic
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12 Sep 2010, 5:52 pm

Erisad wrote:

Go for it! No risk, no reward.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!!

I like your logic Lady!!

HR

HopefulRomantic
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12 Sep 2010, 5:54 pm

nick007 wrote:

HopefulRomantic wrote:

I think it's better not be interested in a relationship. Wanting a relationship has caused me a lots of drama these last 6 years & I never even got one date. I've ruined a lot of friendships with women by asking em out. I belive I would of been better off now if I wasn't interested. The odds are completely stacked against me & some other guys here. Also keep in mind that most relationships fail; the majority of marriages in the US end in divorce & that can get very messy

Nick007,

You have to do what is right for you! Good luck in whatever you wind up doing!!

HR

HopefulRomantic
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12 Sep 2010, 5:59 pm

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

i'd say don't give up. i was rejected lots of times, but i kept trying because the reward was worth it. i was very straightforward though - i didn't mince words or play games, so there was no ambiguity and the awkwardness passed fairly quickly.

Rejection caused lots of problems for me because women started getting really b!tchy with me about it. I worked with a couple of em who started making my job very difficult afterward. I worked in retail doing custodial stuff & they started having lots of spills & then giving me evil looks when I went clean it & then badmouthed me & my department. i was so glad when those women quit. You should NEVER ask out anyone unless your in a position where you can avoid em after & not have to see em

My personal policy is don't date coworkers. If the relationship doesn't work out - who wants to see them anymore?

HR

nick007
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12 Sep 2010, 7:21 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

My personal policy is don't date coworkers. If the relationship doesn't work out - who wants to see them anymore?

HR

Lots of us aren't very social thou & we likely won't meet people except at work or school. Most of the women I've tried asking out offline wer from work because I didn't know anyone else. I'm not working rite now & I don't want to try asking out someone from work again when i get another job due to problems I've had in the past. Realistically I'm not going meet anyone

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tomhead
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12 Sep 2010, 9:05 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:

I'm kind of a 1.5 sort of guy; hang out with potentially compatible women, date casually, but I won't sweat it if it's another five years before I meet somebody I really hit it off with romantically.

Cheers,

TH

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