should i tell my girlfriend i have aspergers?

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Aussie
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03 Feb 2010, 2:13 pm

You should definitely tell her especially if you are planning on moving your relationship to a farther level ever (such as marriage). It is something she should know especially for your sake. if i were you i would want my significant other to love me for who i am. Aspergers is a part of you and it more than likely would benifit you and your relationship to tell her.



Northeastern292
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07 Feb 2010, 1:16 pm

If they can't tell you have Asperger's, either:

a) be VERY alarmed, or
b) be happy! :)

Darn it, you shouldn't hide the fact that you have AS.



Niamh
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16 Sep 2010, 3:58 pm

I was already with my boyfriend when I got my diagnosis and he's taken it on board so well. Getting the diagnosis has improved both our lives because he now knows that it's important to remember what little things can be really bad for me, like most kitchen noises. He is now extremely considerate with lights, noises, heat, touch etc. so that he doesn't make me unwell/unhappy. I think if you could tell your girlfriend, your relationship with her would improve greatly as you could share it with each other. Maybe start by bringing up a conversation about the quirks you have that seem strange to her and then you can have a laugh about some of them and then say that there's a reason behind those things and start talking about your Asperger's Syndrome. I hope it goes well...



PHISHA51
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16 Sep 2010, 5:10 pm

If she loves you enough for who you are, no matter the problems you have, then it wouldn't hurt mentioning your diagnosis. Hey, even best friends share their secrets to each other. Has she ever told you anything about herself that she hasn't shared to anyone (probably except her friends). If so, its another good reason to bring Aspergers up.


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ChekaMan
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16 Sep 2010, 8:12 pm

Let her know.



Chaincase
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17 Sep 2010, 6:15 pm

As someone who has just had a marriage end I find myself wondering if I had known a few years ago how would that have changed things. Would we have pulled together and worked to be stronger? I almost garauntee it. She would have understood a little better that I wasnt ignoring her or losing interest because I didn't notice the little things. Her signs to me didn't elicit a response so I must not care. Her plans didn't matter to me because I'm still messing around with one of my hobbies 3 hours after we were supposed to leave. I must be cheating because I rarely look her in the eye. So she found others that made her feel like she needed to feel and I feel so bad for all the doubt she had to endure. And she did for years. But it wore her down and I didn't even understand it all. I'm glad you decided to tell her. You will be better off.



jaspie
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17 Sep 2010, 6:45 pm

If you want to have a long term bond between you two then yes.



BroncosRtheBest
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17 Sep 2010, 8:57 pm

I tell everyone pretty much that I have Aspergers, just so I can joke about it freely and they aren't incredibly shocked. There's no reason not to tell; just like you understand yourself better after the diagnosis, other people will understand you better.



Bataar
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17 Sep 2010, 11:11 pm

If I was ever to get a girlfriend, I'd probably invite her over for a movie and show her Adam. It would obviously be after we have been dating a while and I would see if she catches on at all. After that, I'd guage her reaction to the Adam character and have a talk about it.



hopdoodle
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25 Sep 2010, 3:26 pm

She will notice some things sooner or later, and might ascribe them to the wrong thing. I have a wild vision about how to reveal this in the contex of a T-shirt. Maybe both of you could could make one. Write (and maybe illustrate) as many things as you can think of that say what you are. Include one that says you have AS. She may be offended by something else entirely. ( I think there was a Golden Girls episode where Rose is rejected by a midget because she isn't Jewish.) After all, AS is only one of the things you are. Put it in context.

I would say that if anyone doen't notice my ADHD within 5 minutes of meeting me, they must have severe AS (i.e. they aren't looking) :lol:



countzarroff
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27 Sep 2010, 5:12 am

If she can't accept you for who you are, she should not be your girlfriend. Definatley tell her.



kingtut3
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27 Sep 2010, 10:39 pm

I told my girlfriend that I have Asperger's. I explained that it is a set of strengths and weaknesses. She's one of the most accepting people ever.



TheMinnesotaIceman
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28 Sep 2010, 1:48 am

caledonia wrote:
You have to be completely truthful with her. If she's the right girl for you, she'll be understanding. If it puts her off, then you're better off without her.


^ This.



squonk
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28 Sep 2010, 4:09 am

Yes, I think you should. And like someone said before, it is important to demonstrate that it isn't some horrible mental illness, more so a challenging social condition that has it's benefits also.



Synecdoche
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28 Sep 2010, 1:35 pm

Yes, it's a good idea. Sometimes I find it easier to talk to people who know I have it. Then again, I only tell people I trust in the first place. But still, it allows for me to be more open and expressive.



ajlposh
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04 Oct 2010, 7:32 pm

This summer, I dated a girl for about a month and a half, and we were a very happy couple. We were perfect for each other. I knew I was going to have to tell her about my Asperger's one day, but that never happened. She broke up with me, because she felt that she couldn't connect with me. Right then, I thought about telling her I have Asperger's, but I didn't.