How to get a girlfriend.

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I'dont want

ROFLMAO.

Fair enough. Then the 2nd best thing is to play the odds. You'll need to join a club or group (e.g. fraternity) which either has a fairly well distributed mix of sexes (or slanted in your direction like book club) or one with an unstated goal of meeting women (e.g. fraternity on a college campus) which can provide a support/advice structure you need.

Lets see, a community calendar of events, particularly those of the non-profit variety or geared towards charitable events (e.g. humane society or animal rescue, christian/catholic outreach) usuallly has a fairly even split. If you can join a local church, they have things like bible readings at various members homes (or in house) which will give you the opportunity to meet more mature adults.

So...

1. If you're in college, join college groups. You'll meet women your own age and the underlying subtext is to meet up.
2. If you want uncomfortable amongst your own peers (awkwardness, difficulty approaching or speaking) then an external group with a religous bend with recognize and help you.
3. If you want to find good hearted decent women, then non-profit of the charity nature have altruistic folks attended.
4. If you're interested in gold diggers, then food & wine events are suitable (bring your wallet)
5. If you want to be hunted down, then concentrate on fixing any/all of your (perceived) flaws. But you should know how to talk.

HTH

College group should be fine but...

I dont know about existing any of this group in my college.

Probably they don'texist

This might sound immoral, but I use gay guys to learn how to get gfs. Gays generally care less about your social awkwardness and will allow you to talk to them as long as you're attractive. Basically, most of them are very shallow. I spend my time talking to them, actually found out I was bi by doing this, but just a little bi haha. It's good because you learn what to say and what not to say, and considering I don't like men, or like them so little that it doesn't matter, it works for me haha. The hardest part is staying calm. I like girls so much that I become overstimulated when I'm around them and get nervous and do/say something stupid. With guys I don't have this problem and feel perfectly comfortable with just regular conversation. It's something to think about maybe, if you want to get a gf...or you could just try online dating and see where that takes you. I tried that too and I know what to do and what not to do when it comes to girls. I'll echo what others have said here, you have to put yourself out there and keep trying. You're going to suck, A LOT of times but just keep going and you might find what you're looking for. Anyways, the best of luck to ya. Oh, and you also have to know when someone is flirting. I had no idea how to detect a flirtatious girl. So I would ignore them not knowing that this girl was trying to get with me haha.

Take up dance, ballet, figure skating, or some other "girly" sport or activity like that. Male to female ratio is like 10:1 ????? Profit.

Church is sometimes a good place to meet women.

Uhm... work out a lot. You might meet a girl at the gym, but then also, if you get more strong and muscular, you won't have to worry about bar fights because you'd win them.

I don't know how much this will help but this is what always worked on me.

First off, remember that almost every girl has a favorite "type" of guy. Looks, attitude, etc. It's much more difficult if you don't fit the type.

Not all "types" are the big jackass alpha male frat boy types. I personally liked guys with olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes, somewhat in shape. So thats the kind of guy who I would look at more when I went out.

Learn "the look". It's hard to explain, but it's somewhat like halfway sleep eyes and you look kind of out of the corner of your eye at her and smile only slightly. It works. When you smile you need to bring confidence with it. You want your smile to say "I can take you out and give you the most romantic night of your life and I can rain hell in the sack too". That's important to get across first thing. Everybody is different. Some women might not like that, but I did. You can try it and it'll work for real.

Also, don't try and dance except slow dancing. Now at least around here most women don't like dancing with guys except for slow dancing. Usually when we go out we dance with each other or with the black guys. This is just me now ok, but theres just something about a white boy who can fast dance thats a turn off. No dancing except slow dancing.

Of course this may only help you pick up almost 50 year old women in Alabama, but I'm giving you the straight stuff about what I liked. Playing guitar is good too, but for the love of Jesus do NOT get a flying v or any kind of those trendy guitars. Just a regular one works. Learn some popular songs from where you are. Never ever play Stairway To Heaven or Sweet Home Alabama. You will be asked to. Say no. Learn to shred somewhat on it but nothing too outlandish. Don't go overboard.

Do not wear a hat inside the club. I don't care what your hair looks like, it's got to be better than a ball cap. No on hats.

Wear something nice but not too pretentious. Polo shirts are good, especially if you work out. You don't want them tight. You also don't want pink. Jeans, not khakis. Decent tennis shoes but nothing too much. You aren't Flo-Rida.

I cannot stress this enough, smell good. A good smelling guy makes up for a lot of social flaws. I prefer Polo in the green bottle. CK1 sucks, stay away from it unless you are husteling, because it smells like hustlers. Smelling good and good grooming is paramount, UNLESS you just got off work and have a blue collar job, and in that case being somewhat dirty and having your fingers taped up from work can be somewhat of a turnon.

If you don't know what to say during conversation just smile and give the look. You can also make up some story about not being able to hear there in the bar too well because of too many concerts or possibly noise at work. That cuts down on the conversation. Offer to buy her a drink. When you do tell the bartender to get her a drink, don't go overboard with the ordering, just point to her and either the empty glass or space in front of her and slightly nod. He will know what to do. Be casual about it.

Have one or two good stories to talk about with them. Being entertaining is good, being funny yet sexy is better.

I have one really good thing that works miracles, but I'd have to teach it to you. It's a bar trick. It amazes people. It's very simple once you know how it works but it's entertaining. I basically write down a card on a napkin, turn it over, ask you a series of questions about which card you pick, and then turn it over and I've written down the card you picked. (I haven't picked up people with it, but it sure impresses folks)

There are several different types of girls that you will find while out at the club. Pick the kind you are going for and stick with that one. There is 1. girl looking for a guy with drugs 2. girl usually drunk looking for sex 3. girl looking for a relationship 4. jaded girl who thinks the bar scene sucks but is there with friends (stay away, possible danger here) 5. girl out having fun listening to the music and talking with people. I'd say go for #5 but it's up to you. Oh and 6. girl looking for transition man between relationships (stay away for real actual danger here).

Decide up front where you are going to ask her to go. Get tickets to something maybe so you have them. Say "Hey, I got two tickets to see <whatever is popular there> wanna go?" Act like you don't care either way. Like the guy says in the movie Fast Times, you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays.

Again, this is only my opinion and I do not speak for all other girls out there. I know what works for me.

Good luck.

Girls do go after bastards and jocks. I've had enough experience in believing that.

I have no solution to this issue. I have the same problem, and I'm almost 30. The only saving grace is that I figure that my 30's have to bring me some dating luck! I can't possibly go through the same problems I did when I was 20.

No, we don't all do that. The first one I did, the second one I didn't.

My oldest daughter, 18, beautiful, popular, smart, polite, social, she went after a nice guy. He is the absolute definition of nice. They have been together for five years and got engaged recently on a cruise he took her on.

You could always steal one. Do you have a van?

Hah. That's a terrible joke... Anyway, your doctor sounds like an idiot. No offense. Try not to think too much about it, girls will notice if you're desperate and they won't like it. Don't feel stressed about it, you will get a girlfriend sooner or later. But I would recommend going out and meeting people, otherwise it's just not going to happen anytime soon. Make new friends, a bigger social circle means meeting more girls.

And things you could do to meet new people... Um start a new hobby. Always good. Partying is a good way...

And come on. Go out to bars, bring some friends and go out. Are polish people really so violent that they beat up strangers in bars for no reason? Or is your doctor just being strangely overprotective/controlling? You have to live for gods sake, you're young and you should be out having fun. If that's what you want.

If he was a woman, and was looking for a boyfriend, that would be true. However, unless you're a natural no-maintenance male model who makes in excess of $200,000 a year just being photographed, that's not likely to happen. It's his initiative that needs to do the trick. If you've ever been a man with a preference for women, you'd know that's a ridiculous thought. Women won't come to men. What you're describing is only generally true for women - if you're a woman, you need to exist in order to find a partner. If you're a man, you need to work out, be independent, not too emotional, be socially bold and preferably also earn a lot of money and flaunt it.



It's really that bad. Plenty of Polish people live here, a few hours west, and when they're near alcoholic beverages, they become savages. Really - they have a reputation here for being notoriously violent when drunk.

Walk up to a girl you don't know and say, "Imma f**k your butt cheeks"

It will work.

Just kidding. But it wouldn't hurt to try.

Ordinary advice about how to get girls doesn't work very well with aspies and you should probably keep in mind that many of the posters probably have the same problem as you.

I know 2 solutions:
1. Work very hard to pretend to be NT, which involves years of stress and embarrassment
2. Quit looking for a girlfriend (maybe one will come to you, maybe not)

I've tried both and I prefer the second.

If you ever end up getting a girlfriend, even for a little bit, it will probably make the need for one seem less urgent. Somehow being loved sincerely and tenderly just once improved my peace of mind a great deal. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment because I don't live on the same continent as that girl, but I'm not too bothered by it anymore.

Trying too hard is the worst thing you can do (unless you do option #1 very well, which if you do it like me involves gaining conscious control of your facial expressions so that you can express anything regardless of how you feel on the inside) because, as several other posters have already said, girls don't like it when you're desperate.

Good luck

I translated "zaoczne" and after a little research; it sounds like you take classes online or at a facility away from the main university campus.

That does limit your options for meeting girls on campus unless you can go to the campus.

I'm assuming by NGO you mean clubs and such. I know what NGO means, I'm just working out how you used it.

Do you live in the country or near a city?

I also agree it was very unethical of your doctor to tell you to give up on girls. He took an oath to do no harm.

Do you have male friends?

Jesus christ I'm becoming sick of this from guys on this site! Bitter much? Misogynistic BS. Do you guys say s**t like this about girls in real life too? If you do, how do you avoid getting you're ass kicked? I NEVER hear this attitude in real life, and I don't know if it's because you're autistic or because of where you're from. It's freaking horrible how many guys in here write about how girls just want rich guys and so on. Do you really not hear how you sound? It's not true where I'm from, I've never met or heard about girls who date someone because they have money, how would that even make sense? Do they date these guys to gain access to their home and eventually rob them, or what. It doesn't make sense, you're boyfriend having money doesn't change YOUR financial situation. Unless you're a prostitute, which, surprise aspie males, MOST GIRLS ARE NOT . But if it it's like that in your country (and I highly doubt that) come to Sweden, it is NOT like that here. OH, but of course none of you would get any here either, since swedish girls don't like guys who hate women.

Ok, rant over.

There is, however, some truth to what he said about guys are expected to take the initiative, but that doesn't apply to all girls (of course not! All girls are not the same just like all guys are not the same) and also it's not that big of a deal. Mostly it's just about society expecting guys to go up to the girl, and not the other way around. Saying hi and introducing yourself is taking the initiative.

Good luck to you, it will happen. If you are somewhat high functioning, its extremely unlikely that you remain single your whole life.

Tone it down, my friend. You can't waste your argument fuel for the first five miles, then expect the bandwagon to carry you for the remaining ninety-five.
As I'm not most people on this forum, I can't speak on their behalf. However, I do talk about this in real life. You'd be surprised how many guys wholeheartedly agree with it.



Mainly because they don't want to attack me. I'm a bit scrawny, but they usually don't scare me. When defending myself, I'm much stronger than anyone would give me credit for.



The most important thing men are looking for, according to a local newspaper's contact ads, is "fun, company and intelligence in a woman slightly younger than me". Translation: looks. That's what research has shown time and time again. The most important thing women are looking for, according to a local newspaper's contact ads, is "a nice, caring and funny man, slightly older than me". Translation: status.



Finally, a reference I understand. I'm not a culturally-misfit boorish hooligan anymore! Then again, it's not exactly like reading Hemingway, and I didn't even watch the movie.



Not if you're actually looking for something more than a casual discussion about the weather.
Source: said hi to dozens, probably hundreds of women in several locations; never got laid.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_celibacy
Happy cynicism day.

I think many girls do on some level. I mean it's possible to meet girls who are, say, college educated, have good jobs, etc. But, I think partially what it is, a lot of guys, either with diagnosed Aspergers, or who are just nerdy, it's VERY easy to get taken for a ride with a woman. For example, my sister had a friend living with us, who'd hit on me a lot. She was very attractive. I wanted nothing to do with her, though, as I knew she was manipulative. Why? Because she was being manipulative by living with us, lying about her home situation. She ended when leaving my house, getting married at like 18-19 to basically the first guy that came along and would take care of her. Many guys, especially people who are bad at reading social cues, can easily fall into such a situation. I deducted "hmm, she's manipulating my mom, why wouldn't she manipulate me?" and steered WAY clear from her and gave her the cold shoulder the entire time she lived in my house (and she still hit on me in spite of it,) but yeah, if I decided to just be like "yay a hot girl likes me" I'd have been up s**t's creek without a paddle. Mind you, the reverse situation CAN happen with men, though I feel it's more prevalent where a female will take advantage of a man for his wealth, live with them, etc. It's simple here really, mind you I'm in USA, so it's the land of uncivilized barbarians (haha, and Sweden is the land of Commie liberals) but yes.

And many times, too, I believe people rush headfirst into living together before marriage. Like they'll know eachother for weeks/months, and then be like "aha, let's live together" and as far as financial incentive goes, there you go right there, woman can live with man and have a place to stay in exchange for putting out. Happens all the time around here. Not so much "robbery" as in a mutual exchange, but yeah.

I don't mean to be misogynistic, but uh...that's the way things are. BTW, USA doesn't legally do anything regarding cohabiting/unmarried relationships for the most part. It's not like France where (if I understood what I was reading right) a cohabiting relationship is more or less treated like a marriage as far as custodial or other rights go. But yeah, there is a monetary component to relationships, as far as dates go, you having a car (not having a car means you suck in USA), having your own place, etc, and then also since USA is marriageminded to a point, not having a good job means you're not marriable material. I in fact know girls who got married because their partners had good jobs and were strong and big. Relationship worked out terrible, but yeah. So what ends up happening is, many times, guys that are more economically better have girls live with them that are less so, and sometimes are even drug addicts, etc. Why? Because the girl will put out for a place to stay. Rarely this happens with girls, and "loser" guys, but it still happens. Unconfident/etc (insert a phrase) girls will end up with a loser guy just released from jail, minimum wage job, etc, even if the girl is successful in her career or whatever, because she's not doing well at dating for whatever reason. Of course sometimes things happen out of "true love" though I think "true love" is like 5% of relationships, and most can be summed up with "Bored and lonely, dumb and horny."

Anyway, done for now.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXJL7tlECg0[/youtube]
For some optimism. Even if the world is naturally cynical.

To be fair, some of themare making observations that seem really true to them because they've only seen an incredibly narrow slice of human interaction
and
some of them are legitimately sad people
some of them just like to stir sh*t up online because they get 0 attention in real life

This forum is a battle zone if you have remotely progressive values (ex. women are people just as good as men)