I've been propositioned

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There is a female friend who I have had for over two years. All that time, her choice of words has hinted that she may be attracted to me. At that time, I was already in a relationship, so I couldn't return her favor. I am no longer in that relationship.

Now I can return my friend's favor. But there is a plus and a minus:

Plus: She is an Aspie
Minus: That's pretty much the only thing she and I have in common

Her attraction is gradually becoming more obvious. She has invited me to visit her, but my plans for school were in the way. Now that I have a few specific schools in mind, she has offered to move to wherever I go to school. But there's another catch: I have never met her in person. I have a few questions about this:

1) Should I pursue a relationship with this woman, or should I look for someone who I may have more in common with--who maybe lives near one of the schools I have been accepted to?

2) What situations may arise due to having never met her in person?

Tim

I'd suggest one step at a time. Meet her in person before you decide anything else (IMO)

Since you haven't met her, the situation is so far only theoretical. I have got along great with people via email, chat or phone, but in person nothing clicked. Also, your imagination tends to fill in the gaps of knowledge about her with its own idealised version, so in real life she may seem like a big disappointment. However it does seem like you are ok with all that and have a realistic view of the situation, BUT you have to keep in mind that she probably doesn't, for all you know she may in fact have an idealised view of yourself, which could be shattered when you meet for real. Also being an aspie she might be prone to that sort of clingyness and desperation. I'm getting bad vibes from your desccription of her already ignoring her own needs and trying to go to whichever school you go to, that's flawed logic and hints at mild stalkerish behaviour and moving very quickly. I wouldn't be suprised if she has already singled you out for marriage and picked out your childrens names .

Anyway returning to seriousness, since you apparently have nothing else in common, then I would be doubtful if it's a good idea, that's like dating a ditzy cheerleader just because she looks good, but have nothing else in common. Once you get over the novelty it's just a drag. The easiest way to tell if it's worthwile is to meet her for a coffee or something like that, have a chat and so on, and see if you hit it off, it's pretty obvious when you do, and can be painfully obvious if you dont. Hitting it off online is no substitute in my experience, getting along well online is like masturbation, it's fun and can be done on your terms, hitting it off in real life is like sex and about a million times better.

Aside from the other issues if she does join you at your school and you dont hit it off or later break up, then you will be stuck with her hanging around and all the akwardness that brings.

Moving to another city for love is a youthful mistake.

Meet her in person and get to know her before you decide to live with her.

I am exploring all options. Not sure who the right person for me is. But I know not to get desparate. I would rather wait for the right person, than go out with someone right this minute who may not be as great.

Tim

Online and real life are very different things. Take it from someone that knows. If you don't really have a lot in common online, it will go badly in real life. Sorry, but don't do it.

She is finished with school. But it is still a cause for alarm.

Tim

She is finished with school. But it is still a cause for alarm.

Tim

Mr. Tim_Tex: it could be fate – you may find that she has a talent or passion that drives you wild – but of course looks are biologically as important as speaking English with someone who knows English and not just Aramaic. You are desperate in the sense that you are afraid to miss out on something that could be you future (soul mate) and therefore you came to us – the aspi coven or council depending what you prefer. You are also afraid of making the mistake of getting into a not so good relationship. Would you like a Jerry Garcia in a bag (Half Baked reference) to help you or you could just put this all off by buying a cat or two legged rabbit to take care of (that’s a good Mr. Spik – daddy loves you – we don’t need anybody woddy else). You have a mission to complete and there are two options – but you still have to complete the mission – can I get a hoooha (Army make me a little crazy).

Of course, nothing is set in stone here. I just want whoever's right for me. I am not settling for just anyone.

Tim

Tim Tex

It might be nice to meet her - if she doesn't live too far away. This isn't promising her any relationship and she wouldn't be promising you one.

As others have said you don't really get to know a person completely on line - there may be things that you do have in common that you don't find out until you meet.

But as far as girlfriend type compatibility - there is no way you're going to know one way or the other until you meet her and she meets you face to face and you get close enough to "smell" each other. There is something to do with genetic compatibility (or complementary genes) that you or she won't know until you get close enough to exchange pheremones. This is usually done completely subconsiously and is often referred to as "chemistry".

You may also find - if you like each other, that there is something that neither of you have done before that you both might like to try together (could be anything) - and then you have something in common.

Are you just being anxious about the possibility of your lifestyle changing a bit if things go well? Or are you anxious that you might be rejected? Both ideas (and others) make you anxious? If you don't ignore this kind of anxiety then every time you start to get to know a girl (online) and she gets to like you (and vice versa) you're going to avoid meeting because you get anxious about it. And you will never achieve what you want if you allow your anxiety to decide for you.

Aside from the fact that she and I are both Aspies, we're virtual opposites. I want to find an Aspie woman with more similar interests, but I don't know if she exists. Finding a single Aspie woman in and of itself is extremely difficult, finding one with similar interests who doesn't live too far away will be impossible.

The one Aspie woman in Houston (where I am currently living) that I talk to is not interested in a relationship with anybody, and I don't know if there are any Aspies I am compatible with who live in Houston, or near one of the colleges I might be going to.

I can't date a woman, Aspie or NT, who is an exact opposite of me. I would be miserable with someone like that.

Tim

You know, I really think you're over-thinking this. Kick back. Relax. Go to college and meet some new people. There are a lot of 'em there, and they're all weird and different.