Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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Nice guys definitely finish last. If you can help it, don't be a nice guy. If you are, then you're not getting anything other than friends who happen to be girls. Trust me.

How many Aspies live in the US? Am I a rare case? I am actually "too nice". I compliment women and they love me, but i can never get past the acquaintance stage

There's been many studies saying why this is the way it is.

"Nice Guys" have many good qualities, but often they lack one important detail: confidence.

Being emotionally understanding, sensitive and caring are all extremely important in a long term relationship.

However! This doesn't mean that you should just be passive and avoid confrontation. In fact, being confrontational (this doesn't mean to raise fights at every turn, but to say what you want, both sexually, romantically and non-romantically) is very, very good. It shows you're not afraid to be male.

Women are insane for confident men, just based off of experience, Posture, composure, confidence in voice and action, all of these things are naturally appealing to many women. If you can obtain these things AND maintain your ability to understand and be sensitive, you'll pull in women everywhere.

Women. Love. Confidence. Don't be passive in an attempt to avoid potentially being "mean". Say what you want to say! Be strong, stand up for yourself! You'll find many women being much more open to being with you

I am a self-described nice guy. It took me three years to work up a relationship to the point where I could make the transition from 'friend' to 'more than friend'. Needless to say, it paid off. Those three years give our relationship meaning, more than a flash-bang bad boy romance.

So: keep at it!

I've never heard it phrased "Nice guys finish last" before. I always say "Nice guys don't win", which could porentially be more accurate as is the case with 85% of high-functioning working-age autistic spectrum people in the UK who can't get a job. I can only hope that nice guys are able to win if they really try.

Then again, why would I want the type of girls who are attracted to dominant, abusive, or cocky guys. They seem to get a kick out of being abused and it's glamourised by the tabloid celebrities. As far as I'm concerned, the jerks, as you call them (I have a better word for them but I don't think I can use it here) can have their "fit" girls because I don't find them attractive anyway. The ones who try too hard to look like models look fake.

I know this was posted ages ago but I just had to say - ugly is subjective. I find model-lookalike girls ugly and tend to find fatter/quieter girls more attractive. Better to have a girlfriend that really cares about you than a model girl who will probably cheat on you.

Here's an example of what happens all the time - it's not the first time there's been such a case. Food for thought!

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/811 ... air-report

So who was the nice guy in that scenario?

None. That's just the point. Better to be one of the 20% who get 80% of the opposite sex.

I see.....you mean the prisoner who got a quick one on the side but was protected from Hubby's revenge as if he'd been a saint?

It's important to differentiate between "nice" guys and "pansies".

My ex-bf of 3.5 years was great when he was just a nice guy I knew from work, but then a year or so into the relationship, he started acting like a pansy and treating me like a fragile little princess and trying to cater to my every need and he just got annoying.

Guys, you need to know when to cater and when to leave the girl alone for a while. We don't want to feel like we are the very air you breathe. It's too much pressure for us. That's why it's sometimes appealing to go for the kind of guy who is more independent, the kind you call "jerks". Maybe it isn't the fact that he's a jerk that is the allure....maybe it's that he doesn't expect us to be the sun and the moon and the stars in his eyes. Being with him is not demanding or strenuous, because he expects nothing from you except to sit there and look cute.

It's exhausting to be someone's EVERYTHING. Nice guys sometimes don't keep a separate life (hobby or free time) of their own, so the woman in turn can't have a life of her own. In a word they are "CLINGY".

So for all you guys out there that call yourselves "nice guys" and worry that you will never get a woman....just look at how much pressure you generally put on women to be your "ultimate path to fulfillment." Check to make sure you aren't overwhelming them with passive-aggressive demands on their heart, and their time.

Then obviously it's not a matter of "nice" vs "jerk", but to do with clingyness vs a sense of perspective. Still, that's not the whole picture.

Last edited by BPalmer on 04 Nov 2010, 4:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

IDK, I'm a girl, and I have a huge thing for nice guys.

There's a guy in my life right now who I have a crush on; we're not dating but we're good friends, and he's one of the nicest people I've ever known. He knows how to tell me he cares when I'm depressed, and I've actually started to open up to him (amazing for me). I even told him that I was an aspie, and he gave me a wonderful response: we go to a school for 'nerds', and he said that we're all weird here, my weirdness just had a name.

But at the same time he knows when to be teasing and playful.

It actually makes me really sad to know that I'll probably never grasp social nuances that well and make people feel that good.

"Nice guys may finish last on earth, but nice guys finish first in heaven. "

I like what you say. This is definately part of the problem self-proclaimed "nice guys" have. To have no hobbies apart from revolving one's life around their girlfriend is a recipe for disaster. Girls are likely to think they're obsessive, possessive, and/or clingy.

Another thing I notice with "nice guys" is that women just have a sense to predict what a guy might be like. If a guy is acting like he's too good to be true, no-one with any common sense is really going to trust him. I guess girls want to know why some guy is showing interest in her and what he might want from her.

These are the reasons why I wouldn't call myself a "nice guy". It's a label with negative stigma that can quite easily be avoided. As much as I long to have a close relationship with a woman, I have other priorities in life that are more worthwhile (such as hobbies).

Then that raises the question: why do so many of them end up in abusive relationships?

I'm guessing that's because the masculine side in the abusive partner attracts them. That's a chemistry thing. I find that women who purely go for guys for their looks, strength, or boisterousness are shallow anyway,