so confused! what should i do?

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to start off, sorry if i dont have the best grammar or spelling as i have alot to write here but i dont have all night to do so

so a couple weeks ago, i saw this girl on facebook that i thought was cute and i messaged her. i got her number right away and she even texted me first. we started talking alot, asking eachother various questions, such as what i want in a girl and what she wants in a guy. all seemed to be going well and she was down for hanging out.

then she gets grounded after we had been talking a few days, because she went somewhere that her parents didnt want her to go. so during the mean time i guess i might have overtexted her, which maybe mighta creeped her out a little bit, although i cant be sure.

and i did see her in person for a bit when i went to my old high school's football game with a mutual friend of ours (keep in mind she is 2 years younger than me and still in high school), but i wasnt looking my best and neither was she and it was hard to talk over all the noise and i ended up having to leave early

so now she has been far less talkative and actually ended the conversation by not responding a few times. i am really hoping that i didnt blow it because i really do like this girl. i am thinking i should wait till her grounding ends next weekend before texting her again. is that a good idea? and if i did blow it i can always find another girl to talk to but i am really hoping that that is not the case.

so do you think i blew it? should i find someone new to talk to? or should i wait a week and call and see if she still wants to do anything?

It depends, are you sprung or are you a player? It sounds like you should have asked her out on a date a while ago. I mean you want to spend time with her right? Ask her out on a date now, if she says no you know your answer. Easy peasy!

It's probably a good guess. We overdo everything. And if you did, then yes, you creeped her out -- but probably only a little bit.


If you still liked her when she wasn't looking her best, then she probably feels the same way about you. Besides (and no offense here!), you're in Seattle! Not looking your best *is* looking your best. It's not like you're really into some girl from Milan...


That's a bad sign.


Actually, that's a *great* idea. She knows you like her (maybe a little too much), so give her the freedom to be herself and come to you if she likes you in return. She may well end up *not* liking you if you keep coming on so strong.


Mainly, I think you should just relax a little. This is largely out of your hands now. You've done more than enough! She'll either respond or she won't, but you're done steering this for now. Keep trying and it will *definitely* go off the rails.

yeah you're right i probobly should wait a few days, and if i hadnta overtexted and she hadnta gotten grounded, then the situation would probobly be very different right now.

in the meantime while i wait, should i look for other girls to talk to so i wont be as devastated if it doesnt work?

and is it not a good idea to try for girls that are still in high school, considering that i am attending a community college that is 60% female?

I'll admit that you're not making very much sense to me. Are you really that into this girl??? If you are, then you should certainly be willing to wait until she's available again. (She's not grounded for years, right?) And if you aren't, then you're not going to be "devastated" if it doesn't work. It's one of the two. Why don't you figure out your feelings for her first, and the answer will become obvious.


If you're doing well in college, then mentally you've moved on from high school -- it's that simple. Presumably you have a new and broader outlook on life, are meeting new people from beyond your neighborhood or whatever, and are starting to grow into adulthood -- thinking about a career, etc. She's still thinking about the prom. Is that really where you want to be? If it is, is that where you think you *should* be?

I've gotta tell you, man, being "grounded" is kind of kids' stuff. It's not really an appropriate situation for a college-aged man to be involved in. I bet that you could meet some much more mature women at your college with whom you could have age-appropriate experiences with.

you make a very good point about the high school stuff and about me being able to have more age appropraite experiences at college, but you need to know that i have never been in a relationship before in my life while girls my age; probobly all nearly have.

and yes i really do like this girl and would like to go out with her but if i did blow it i have no choice other than to find someone else to talk to right?

OK, great. Then questions answered. When I asked if that's where you want to be and think you should be I was serious. They were legitimate and straightforward questions. Listen, where you are is pretty damn far from inappropriate. If I (at 38 years old), on the other hand, were asking the same questions you are, *then* we'd be into inappropriate territory! That is, your ages are not very far apart at all.


Yes, IF in fact you did blow it. You don't know that. You're just going to have to be patient on that one. Like I said you would, you answered your own question. I hear you saying that she's worth waiting around for, so just follow through on that.

yes it is true that i must decide if to look at my college or at my old high school for potential girlfriends, but as i said the reason i would wanna start talking to other girls right now is so that im less hurt if in the case i did blow it. all im really hoping for here is to not have blown it, but i guess i cant help but be an idiot in these kind of situations.

If you think that being friendly and open with other women would be positive for you right now, then I don't see a thing wrong with it. It's not like you're somehow committed to this one girl. And maybe you need to do that in order to protect yourself. I *definitely* understand that.


Yes ... you can. And there's not a *single* thing to be gained by being down on yourself. As much as women aren't crazy about arrogant jerks, they're not overly wild about guys with low self-esteem either. Find a realistic middle ground. You've got a lot to offer this girl. You're a college man. You're worldly and sophisticated! That may be a huge turn-on for this girl. Why don't you just relax, be confident, practice chatting with some of your female acquaintances, and be ready when your chosen one gets sprung from the juvenile detention center or wherever she is.

yes! that is a very good idea! and i have been acting alot more confident lately, its just that when i say stupid stuff or over text all the time which turns them off. i guess i needa get more control over my impulses, as i think that is the one thing that is holding me back. is there a chance that she might come around though? or knowing girls, do you think it was blown for good?

What little I know about women is that very few things are "for good"; but, when they are, they are. She never said that you blew it, right? So, I couldn't possibly speculate. I know you want an answer NOW, but the fact is that you don't even have a choice to make: you don't get an answer now, period. You just have to sit with this as best you can and wait it out. It's not "comfortable" -- I know that -- but nothing we can dream up tonight is going to get you into a comfortable spot.

This is a really important life lesson in a much broader sense. We all want exactly what we want right this second. And not knowing whether we're going to get it is absolutely crazy-making. Too bad for us. This is the way the world works. And you need to get as comfortable as you can with insecurity, 'cause there's going to be a lot of it in your future. Not just yours, everyone's.

you're so right, there is no easy way out of this and i have no choice but to wait it out.

i found out some possibly bad news though. a mutual friend (who is a high school junior just like her) told me that they kinda have a thing right now, which is not what i was hoping. idk how this could be if im taller, slimmer, and better looking than this guy is? i wonder what is wrong with me seriously?