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Silhouette-Song
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20 Nov 2010, 2:06 am

Um... I'm really new here and I wanted to ask anybody who could help.
I'm really into a guy with Aspeger's Syndrome and I have difficulties around him.
:oops: It's just that I'm shy... How can I tell if he thinks about me more than a friend?
During the summer when we watched anime together I could see him always looking up at me (I have excellent peripheral vision) and it got me wondering. Why is he doing that!? Ah, I'm so confused... Oh, look I'm ranting. Sorry...


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Squirrelrat
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20 Nov 2010, 2:16 am

Silhouette-Song wrote:
How can I tell if he thinks about me more than a friend?


Unfortunately, it can be hard for people to tell what we're feeling because we tend to not display emotions as well as other people. If you really want to know, you should ask him. I know that will probably be hard for you, since you're shy. If you like him and you want to have a relationship with him, you might as well tell him that you like him. Be warned that it probably won't go as smoothly as a relationship with a neurotypical person, as we are socially handicapped. You'll have to use more verbal communication to express your feelings and have a little more patience than you would need with someone else. However, he is probably also more honest, intelligent, and interesting than the average potential boyfriend.



parrow
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20 Nov 2010, 3:08 am

Silhouette-Song wrote:
Um... I'm really new here and I wanted to ask anybody who could help.
I'm really into a guy with Aspeger's Syndrome and I have difficulties around him.
:oops: It's just that I'm shy... How can I tell if he thinks about me more than a friend?
During the summer when we watched anime together I could see him always looking up at me (I have excellent peripheral vision) and it got me wondering. Why is he doing that!? Ah, I'm so confused... Oh, look I'm ranting. Sorry...


oh, to be 17 again...

Get someone else to ask him. Many aspies tend to be brutally honest when asked a question. He'll most likely tell the truth.



Asp-Z
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20 Nov 2010, 3:58 am

Ask him out.



Pobodys_Nerfect
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20 Nov 2010, 5:09 am

You may not be able to tell. Maybe tell him he's your "sunshine".



Kaspie
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20 Nov 2010, 9:25 am

I would just ask him, or ask a friend to ask him. He probably won't show how he feels about you in a typical way.


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Grisha
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20 Nov 2010, 9:42 am

I second what everyone else said.

Ask him/find someone to ask him/etc. , If he is at all like me do NOT rely on his expressions/body language it could be the complete opposite of what he's feeling.



pandorazmtbox
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20 Nov 2010, 10:30 am

um...first of all, if you watched anime together and he spent time watching you...that's a really big indication right there. :)

Tell him you like him. Ask him if he likes you. Life is too short to just keep wondering and waiting. At this point in my life, I keep meeting up with people I knew back then...at your age...and a lot of the guys I thought might sort of have a little crush on me are now admitting that they did. Problem was, I was too shy and awkward to figure out how to be around them, and if I had just been more direct maybe I wouldn't have missed those opportunities. If you're understanding and kind (to both of your feelings), the worst that can happen is a little awkwardness, and the best is not missing an opportunity. Seems worth the risk to me.


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Silhouette-Song
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20 Nov 2010, 11:16 am

Pobodys_Nerfect wrote:
You may not be able to tell. Maybe tell him he's your "sunshine".


Oh, that made me giggle. Should I sing the song too? ;)


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Kilroy
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20 Nov 2010, 11:17 am

if someone sang "a whole new world" to me I'd be smitten :lol:



Silhouette-Song
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20 Nov 2010, 11:18 am

Thank you everybody for replying :D


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DW_a_mom
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20 Nov 2010, 11:48 am

Just one side note, and please don't let this scare you from asking, but if he says he likes you but not romantically, remember that it may not be personal. My AS son is on a very different time line than NT's developmentally, and despite puberty he really has developed no interest in dating. Not that he wants to be alone forever, but he has, well, no interests in girls as girlfriends. He just doesn't feel it. Yet. It may change; we just don't know.


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pandorazmtbox
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20 Nov 2010, 11:56 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Just one side note, and please don't let this scare you from asking, but if he says he likes you but not romantically, remember that it may not be personal. My AS son is on a very different time line than NT's developmentally, and despite puberty he really has developed no interest in dating. Not that he wants to be alone forever, but he has, well, no interests in girls as girlfriends. He just doesn't feel it. Yet. It may change; we just don't know.


We don't tend to bond easily with others, and attraction (at least for me) is more than just a pretty face. I think it's a bit of a paradox to get started in the first place. ;) But when it does...look out...it's some powerful strong stuff. It can be hard for us to understand the emotions and what to do...and even harder if the feelings are reciprocated.


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Silhouette-Song
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20 Nov 2010, 12:55 pm

Kilroy wrote:
if someone sang "a whole new world" to me I'd be smitten :lol:


Same here! Or any song that I enjoy.


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Kilroy
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20 Nov 2010, 12:57 pm

pandorazmtbox wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Just one side note, and please don't let this scare you from asking, but if he says he likes you but not romantically, remember that it may not be personal. My AS son is on a very different time line than NT's developmentally, and despite puberty he really has developed no interest in dating. Not that he wants to be alone forever, but he has, well, no interests in girls as girlfriends. He just doesn't feel it. Yet. It may change; we just don't know.


We don't tend to bond easily with others, and attraction (at least for me) is more than just a pretty face. I think it's a bit of a paradox to get started in the first place. ;) But when it does...look out...it's some powerful strong stuff. It can be hard for us to understand the emotions and what to do...and even harder if the feelings are reciprocated.


not for me
though I am one of the few guys here who admits I would (and have) had casual "fun"



Silhouette-Song
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20 Nov 2010, 1:07 pm

I have another question.
How do you ask someone out? Or tell them you like them.
I know I will have to be very blunt (I usually am) but how does one do it?


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So why care for these petty obsessions? Your designer heart still beats with common blood.
~Grave Robber, Repo! Genetic Opera.