What is it about Aspie women that men can't stand?

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Hey guys and girls, please for the love of God can you weigh in on what it is about women on the Asperger side of this spectrum that just repel men? I don't have any problems attracting most men initially, but after a few months I suppose my 'mask' starts to come off and the relationship starts to go downhill. The longest relationships I have maintained were with (I am positve of it, in retrospect) other Aspies. Please excuse me if that term offends you. I was just dx'd recently.

I do not want to even attempt to date another man until I know what it is I am doing wrong. And, would I be better off with another (as in again) man with Aspergers? Every NT date I go on, ends up a total waste of my time. And where do you meet people once you are aware of having this? Dating sites are a joke for me. Before I knew what was wrong, I used to call those kinds of people (the nt's) the 'norms.'

My ex of 7 years married a girl he knew for only 3 months-while we were supposedly working some things out. So, I am very confused and feeling like no man is ever going to want me. And how will I ever meet anyone? He and I met at an old therapists office!! !!

Okay, thanks in advance!! !! !

Abbey

In respect to you, I couldn't say, as your relationship problems with men may actually be unrelated to that which pertains to the ASD spectrum.

For example, some women are clingy or insecure, or indecisive about whether they even want a relationship, and this drives men away very quickly.

Certainly though, there are traits typical of those on the spectrum that would drive most NT men away.

Most NT men would be turned off by a woman who was somewhat disheveled looking (I know some women with AS are quite put together and sassy though) and has an intense interest in bridge railings (which turns out to be an unusually popular hobby it seems)
http://bridgerailings.org/

complaints Ive had in the past are:
speaking in a superior tone of voice.
being too opinionated and monologueing.
haveing bouts of extreme aloofness.
glaring and avoiding eye contact.
being ridgid about routines and food.
generally being too controlling (over how my things are done) and grumpy when routine is interfered with or supprised/change.

and dont think aspie men are better than NTs as they make the same complaints, thats the trouble with empathy problems!

things I've been told contribute:

- being too androgynous, both in dress and behaviour
- swearing
- using too many long, formal words
- weird body language
- describing everyday s**t in unnecessary detail. No, apparently, you're not supposed to describe exactly how high you think your adrenaline/noradrenaline level is after drinking some Relentless...Lol

I like Aspie girls. Well, I like the ones I know, at least.

According to Simon Baron-Cohen, autism can be characterised by an extreme "male brain".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathizin ... ing_theory

Therefore, the difficulties that you (a person on the autistic spectrum) are encountering towards NT men are likely comparable to the difficulties NT men encounter towards NT women.

Perhaps then following the relationship advice given to men in self help books or website could be useful.

Just an idea..

Wow guys, I see a lot of my self in your comments. This is really, really good. I have never had any problems in the sex department with guys or taking care of my self physically-the whole b.s. beauty mask thing we go through as women as a whole. I'm almost obsessive due to insecurities about that. But I can be very selfish, self-righteous, a total 'know it all'. The cussing once I am feeling 'safe' in the relationship. The monologueing-I used to amuse my self and give disclaimers first by saying 'sorry about the dissertation, HOWEVER......' and the ridiculously deep, intense conversations (one sided of course) about my main interests-analyzing everything and everyone.

Wow! This is so helpful. I am writing these things down. You guys are great!! !! !

I don't know if THE Aspie woman exists, but the ones i've met could be compared to typical guy behaviour. Coincedently I am currently seeing a woman with Aspergers on a friendly base, quite a tough nut (psysical nut, not a crazy people nut ).

I know the attitude doesn't attract many men, since the mainstream preference is in gentle, soft, vulnerable, etc. type. So I guess it is cultural, and in the Western culture in general you are seeking a connaisseur so to speak. Besides behaving like who you aren't capable of keeping up is not gonna work for relations, showing yourself as you are is pretty important if you want people to like you as you are (I know the dating pool diminishes by the behaviour, but better someone who can accept you who you really are then as somebody you're not and eventually misleading/tricking your potential partner).

If the picture you have for you're avatar is you, I know that look. The woman i'm seeing has that similar look in here eyes. Tough, no-nonsense, to-the-point look.
I like strong independent woman, but that is my preference - I know alot of the blokes I talked about preference aren't into that kind of personality.

Basicly I don't want to discourage you in the dating circuit, but it's a bit tougher then the cultural stereotype woman. Please, be yourself.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

many guys seem to like their women to be less intelligent than themselves for some reason and aspie girls are often kinda brainy. But there is also guys that thinks intelligens is hot. So maybe try to find out what type the guy is before you get serious with him

people with AS annoy me because, well of all the AS stuff I didn't have and so seems alien to me
eg;
rigid schedules, lack of empathy, weird body language, annoying obsessions (though I do have them I rarely tell anyone them), controlling, a lot of aspies can be generally unpleasant, at least to me, I am like fire and water with most of them and since growing older avoid them like the plague
(I enjoy NT's more, as there is no mystery if I don't succeed, with other aspies, it could be so many reasons and I just feel weird around them, its hard to explain I just dislike the idea of generally being near other people with AS, I think it stems back to my earlier years

I'm not sure whether or not I've ever met any in person. There is one woman, who is my cousin's wife, who says she's not very social and needs a lot of time alone, and I get along with her well. If she's to be considered a representative model for the Aspie woman, then I might say that one of the desirable things about them is that they're not hyper-social and hyper-emotional in a way that I can't sustainably mirror. I don't want to be in competition with that.

Now, I know little of AS women, dating or not, but here's what I do know. The question you ask as the topic implies that all men are the same. They aren't. I know you know this, but you phrased it that way, not me. So let me just point out that depending on the types of guys you are dating, there may be a simpler way of looking at it. Usually, if I know a girl really well, and she has dated enough guys, I can pinpoint exactly what the problem is. They get mad at me, but that's expected when you point out something somebody doesn't want to hear. There are plenty of guys out there, typically referred to as "alpha males" by most people, that want women that do as they are told. I call these girls "stupid girls" because stupid people do what they are told, instead of taking truth for the authority. So if you are smart (and if you have AS, you probably don't need/want to be told what to do all the time) then these types of guys won't work. Now, judging by your picture, you seem attractive enough that this can become a recurring problem.

I've never really looked for people, based on whether they were NT.

But, having AS issues myself, I have never seen such relatable women as the ones around here.

You girls are not just smart to me, but seem to have my kind of smarts.

Is it possible that you would be more compatible with someone who is similar to you?

everyone is capable of learning, most just don't want to