Got a date, now what?

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I managed to get a date (actually more of a pre-date) with an attractive woman that I met on Match.com. We're having coffee tomorrow.

I understand that it's probably not going to lead to anything, but I still want to give it my absolute best effort in hopes of maybe getting a real date with her in the near future.

I think I have all the basics covered, grooming, clothes, etc, and my general game plan is to let her do all of the talking unless she asks me a question so that the conversation doesn't drift off to "Aspie land" which sometimes happens when I am nervous.

But first and foremost I am worried about cues/signals, how do I make her understand that I am interested in her romantically (assuming I am) without coming on too strong? This is very easy to do when you have to rely on words rather than more subtle non-verbal forms of communication.

How can I tell if she is interested in me? I've had women claim that the served themselves to me on a silver platter and I totally missed it even though I was attentively looking for a "green light" and didn't perceive even the tiniest flicker of interest.

Any advice/encouragement would be deeply appreciated, it might not seem like a big deal, but this event is semi-historic for me and I'll probably remember it forever not matter what happens...

Don't worry about the whole thing, just enjoy yourself while you can and just relax and go with the flow.

Just be yourself and hopefully that date should turn out fine, just have faith.

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- SBI.

Good luck with you're pre-date. Just remember to keep breathing easily.

I find these videos helpful

this one shows the womans signals of interest
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-can-i- ... cted-to-me

this one shows the mans (so try to do some of these if you want to look interested)
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-can-i- ... cted-to-me

Whatever you do, don't let it stretch out too long. I have seen in womens dating books where they advise a first date to be just coffee, which you are doing. If feeling awkward about your eye contact, just mention that you are shy. Lots of women love that, btw! Then she will attribute most of what you do to being shy.

Calm down and stop obsessing and overthinking everything.

Ask questions and listen to the answers. Concentrate on what she is saying to you and on making her feel comfortable, not on what signals you're sending. Concern yourself with putting the other person at ease and your own self consciousness will evaporate.

Grisha, I have a lot of Eharmony experience - my take is that if she's your type already, needing to project obvious signals won't be an issue. If you guys click and find the chemistry of the conversation goes uphill, tell her when you're ready to call it a day that you're up for doing it again, the two of you can figure out when you're free for another date. If not, if it goes downhill - its a very strange and imaginary thing to call that a fail, I know that's one of society's common barbaric platitudes, but, you've both had 35 to 40 some years of being yourselves, neither of you is creating the other in real time; so, things will either go well or not by default. The only things you could do that are awful are things that already would consider nightmare scenarios and they're things that I don't think it would be likely of you to do.

As for my own dating experiences: I've had maybe a dozen, one that was bad, one that went weird from the other side and there's an even longer story after that. The one that did go bad - she criticized me for giving her a hug when she came in, criticized me for offering to buy the coffee (as I was just at the register, haven't had anyone before or since think I was gender-casting them, I usually let them pay for other parts of a bill anyway), and from there we disagreed on everything, I couldn't have possibly wanted to have had my P's and Q's together well enough or have magically said/done other things to have that work. Even when I texted her to agree it was a bust and wish her luck in future endeavors I got something a bit weird back. If someone's snippy or quick to jump to negative conclusions - you don't want them.

So just understand this - bad dates are as valuable as good dates. They might not be as refreshing but, if someone's not your type you'd much rather find it out in the first week rather than in five months (or worse, which I think you understand completely).