Question mainly for women

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What physique do you like in a man?

I ask this because I got a girlfriend in January when I was about 170-175lbs, I now weigh ~210lbs (she cooks better than mom). I took a year off from competitive rowing to spend time with her and to get a break from 4 o'clock mornings but I'm trying to get back into it and get back down to my competition weight of 160lbs and get my fitness back up to where it used to be. The problem is that she likes me the way I am and doesn't want me to lose weight. She doesn't like ripped guys but that's exactly what I want to be, I can't be any other way if I'm competing and therein lies my dilemma. I feel terrible at this weight, I feel slow, heavy, fat, ugly and lethargic but I feel great at <175lbs. How should I deal with this?

I'm the same.

Don't like skinny men. I would take an overweight man over an "athletic body" anyday.

Do whats comfortable for you. You should never change for someone else, or in this case, not change. If they don't like it its their problem.

Do what makes you happiest.
She may also be saying she likes you bigger because more women (generally) like a ripped body, so there's less desire for you, if you see what I mean? I'm not sure i'm wording right what I want to say.

Personally, i love a fit body.

sorry, if this might come out a bit blunt, but to me it looks as if she is trying to keep you from getting back into rowing again, by keeping you unfit ( be aware that she might not even have acknowledged that herself consciously ), because she might think you will spend less time with her - which is a pretty accurate assumption, if you try to get to competing level again.

the physical necessities of keeping up a rigid training regime are hard to explain to a non-athlete.
how about you getting her into rowing...? joking!

She has jokingly said that she's fattening me up so nobody else wants me, but that was in jest. She does love that I love to eat, and especially that I love her cooking, but I'm positive that me being undesirable to other women is not the reason she wants me to stay this way.

When I'm down to weight I'm not really skinny, I've still got a wide frame and pretty massive thighs and I still have a bit of a ghetto booty (though not quite as much as I do now) so I'm not very skinny, I just don't have much fat on my body

that's an interesting dilemma. i think that you should focus on being as healthy as you want to be, because your health is important and you should feel good about yourself. if you felt better about yourself as a chubbier person, then i would say to skip rowing. but since you felt so much better (physically and with self-image) when you were fitter, then it seems like a good idea to get fit again.

i think that what your partner thinks of your body is important, but not so important as being healthy or feeling good about yourself. basically what hale_bopp said lol.

emlion has a good point. it may be worth investigating why she would want you to be chubbier, especially since you were more muscular when you first met her, if i am not misunderstanding.

personally, i don't have a particular preference. i've dated guys in all shapes and sizes. people's bodies change over a lifetime too, so there isn't much point in getting attached to any certain body type.

She has been very supportive of me getting back into rowing, encouraging me to keep up with the swimming club I joined, to get back to the gym, etc. she just doesn't want me to get skinny.

As for getting her into rowing.... I don't think it would work very well, she's very well-endowed, in the range of 34DD-34E, so things would get in the way and her stroke would be quite short.... not to mention I don't think they would fit in the spandex unitards.

The other side of the story is that I'm kind of trying to do the same to her. She wants to lose weight but I don't want her to lose too much. The difference is that I would probably be more attracted to her at a lower weight (maybe 10-15lbs less) but she has been anorexic and bulimic and has bad body image issues so I try to tell her to be healthy about it, not to lose too much and that she looks good the way she is (she does). She's around 135-140lbs, 5'6" and her breasts make up a lot of her weight. She's by no means skinny, she's got a larger frame for a woman, but she's far from chubby, she has no gut, just a little but of fat around her body, which is what a woman should have.

I had the same amount of muscle but I had less fat. She's told me that she's not attracted to skinny guys and that she'd simply be less attracted to me if I were to lose the weight. She'd still love me, she just wouldn't be as attracted to me.

You can still be athletic and have meat on your bones so to speak. I'm not really that athletic since I run, bike or gym it at least 3 times a week. But it's great your girlfriend is also encouraging you to be active, being active and getting that hit of endorphins is a great way to keep those damn aspie doldrums at bay.

As for getting your girlfriend into rowing, I think it's certainly possible - the breast issue is easily fixed(by clothing, lululemon supposedly has a tata tamer, a sports bra designed for D cups and beyond) and the mechanics of rowing are learned. Otherwise, is there anything physical the two of you might enjoy doing like swimming or so?

sounds like both of you are maybe quite particular about body weight? as in, she likes you chubbier, and you think you'd like her skinnier. it's sounding kind of overly specific as to what the two of you want, and maybe you're a little too particular with each other. i had not realized that the street was running both ways.

the problem with that is that I can't be a competitive rower with meat on my bones. I'm too short to be a competitive heavyweight, meaning I must remain under 160lbs to compete.

I'm not that particular. She was slightly larger when we started dating and I was fine with it, she lost some weight and I find she looks better. I think she would look better with a bit less weight but I'm happy with her staying the way she is, which is why I try and reinforce that I find her beautiful and that I don't want her to lose much weight. She wants to lose like 25-30lbs, which would most likely be very unhealthy for her so I told her that if she wants to lose weight that's fine but I don't want her to try to lose too much too fast and I asked that she first try for no more than 10-15lbs.

if she looks fine the way she is, then i don't understand why she should lose weight at all. if she had problems with anorexia or bulimia in the past, then it is very dangerous for her to try to lose weight now - even 10 lbs. maybe you could encourage her to just maintain her weight and be happy with how she is, so that she doesn't risk and serious health problems. after all, she is at a healthy weight right now (her BMI is smack dab in the middle of normal).

of course, anyone can benefit from getting some exercise, but i'd exercise caution in supporting her goal of losing weight.

Because she's stubborn. I figure if she feels better about her body with a little less weight on her and she's doing it in a healthy way that's fine. I love her so I'm not going to let her do anything dangerous and will do my best to build her self-esteem in the process but she's completely set on losing weight so I figure it's best not to fight it but to try to make her feel better about herself in the process. The last thing I would want is for her to become anorexic again.

No:


No:


No:
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No:
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Yes to both:


Yes:
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Yes:



Yes:
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Yes:
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Possibly:


As you see, average give or take a few pounds in fat or muscle is fine with me. "A few" does not mean 40lbs overweight though.

It's your body. If she loves you, she'll love you still whether you gain or lose weight. She should be more interested in what you want to do with your life to keep yourself happy and healthy than what she likes in your appearance.

As for physique... I'm not really fussed. My boyfriend has been gaining weight since we started going out. He used to be so very thin. Yet I did not force him to gain weight, it's just a coincidence that I like cooking and it became a hobby for us to share, and he also became more relaxed and happy when we started going out. It was a mixture of him being disinterested in cooking and his tendency towards stress that kept him from putting on any weight, so I kind of cancelled those out... But I didn't intentionally make him heavier. Regarding his appearance, I wouldn't care if he got so fat he was overweight or fell underweight again. I'd only be concerned about his health and happiness and that he didn't treat me any differently because of it!

Body type doesn't really matter to me. I've been attracted to guys who were obese, guys who were skinny, and guys who were somewhere in between. I'd just be happy to find a guy who loves me for who I am.