Rejected again, I don't know how guys do it

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I really think that depends on the girl. It's almost a luck of the draw thing. The key is not to take rejection too harshly, and keep trying even after you fail a couple times. I will say this: I don't think after the window closes, it stays shut forever.

It helps if the girl has a similar mentality/personality traits to you, then you can sort of try to guess a little better.

Nope, 99% of the time, I have to be the one that initiates conversation.

That 1% is the golden opportunity. At this age, alot of women are married/in relationships. I'd really try a dating site first. Joining "a club/group" would probably help you a lot.

'Pursuing' is the really hard part. And simply put, there are some girls who would never date you for whatever reason. If you fall entirely under that category, then try really hard to follow some of the guidelines I put there Throw a few of your own interests out there: History is a great topic here, as there is a fairly large percentage of the population interested in a certain historical period. And if you are like me, it's likely you remember what you learned in school.

I'm twenty, so luckily I'm not at the stage where openness becomes a lot harder.

My advice: Steer away from girls who are 'conventionally beautiful'; aim for girls in similar circumstance to you who aren't already taken, etc.

Certain ways of improving yourself may be really helpful. At this age, being good with kids is a real plus, as it opens you up to single mothers and the like. Maybe offer to take care of your nephews/cousins one day a week. Now that is something I am well versed on. The best tips for kids is to meet them halfway: Interact with them on a similar level, bribe them if need be, but most importantly, don't act like you're better than them. And never act like you're their parents. Don't openly support disobedience though. Also, being able to cook for a girl is a real nice plus. A good grasp on gastronomy (the study of food) is helpful here too.

The dating scene, so I'm told, tends to really slow down after the college years. Be patient, if you are into video games (sonic, zelda, final fantasy, etc etc), try joining some gaming forums. Being into fantasy novels (ie redwall, harry potter [I find alot of girls into this], romanticism era literature) or Manga is also a plus. Or better yet, being into classical novels/philosophy. Really play to your strengths.

Music is a big draw, and also one where being well-versed into several genres can help you.

Your friends are a resource too, remember this. Find ways to interact with them that don't include romantic endeavors. Going to a movie with a group, restaurant with a group of employees, Christmas parties or whatever. Establish long-lasting relationships that may not be romantic in nature. I'm sure you have some sort of friendships you can call on, maybe for group dating?

Remember, you aren't going to win every time, In fact you will fail alot more often than not. And trust me, that feeling when the relationship ends after the first date will be alot worse than the one of being lonely.

But that's sort of a microcosm of life, isn't it?

Badass =/= as*hole
You can be attractive to women without being a jerk.
The thing is, jerks tend to have the confidence (even arrogance) that implies strength and security, while nice guys don't.

Girls like bad boys, but they DO like sensitive guys, too.
You just have to find a balance. If you're shy, unassertive, don't stand up for yourself, don't stand up for others, etc., but you always listen and don't try to have sex with this girl - That isn't demonstrating your value as a boyfriend. It's demonstrating your value as a shoulder to cry on, a guy who is safe because he doesn't have the balls to make a move and is too nice to ignore her calls when she's crying over the alpha male who cheated on her.

It's sometimes hard to find a balance because we want to be ourselves and not feel like we're playing 'the game', but don't let a strict self-image prevent you from improving.

Example: I used to be the typical nice guy. I'd let everyone walk all over me and never go after what I wanted, all the while talking smack about the 'as*holes' that got all the girls. Now, I'm not much different - I'm a gentleman, I don't cheat or act like a douche, I'm open and sincere when talking to people, and I'm a good listener - but I no longer laugh awkwardly when someone "playfully" insults me - I don't throw a punch right away, either, but basically I'm not a wuss anymore.

Granted I'm six foot three, but still.

TL;DR:

Confidence is sexy.

It's cheesy but it's true. How do you develop confidence? Practice. Act like you're hot stuff, all the time. Replace your negative views on yourself with something positive, even if it feels like a lie. In time, it will pay off - you'll find that when you look in the mirror, your natural reaction isn't oh my nose is too small or I wish I had a nicer jaw or whatever other tiny insecurities we see - it'll be stuff like "Damn, my stubble looks good today". (Haha, I love me some stubble)

It's hard to believe if you've never felt it, but, take it from a guy who has struggled with self esteem his entire life - it works.

Most of our negative self image comes from ourselves. Like, I've been called fat maybe 5 times in my life, but I can't even imagine how many times I've called myself that. Once you get out of the habit of putting yourself down, your confidence will return.

Long message is long

Good luck!

My advice is to get a job that employs a lot of women. It's the most common way for guys to meet girls - school, work or mutual friends.

My Mum met my dad - University party
My sister met her BF - after work pub - similar jobs hang out there
I met the first guy i was with - university
How I met the second - Work
How my best friend met the first guy - school
How she met the second - through me - who I met through university.

Get a job with a lot of people, and make an effort to do stuff with these people outside work at work functions. Its how someone our age makes friends.

The more people you meet, the more chance you have.

From a female in her mid twenties who doesn't go out much, I will tell you how I met all the men I know.

Most were from school or university, or work or through mutual friends.
I met the odd few at parties which I don't go to much, NONE in pubs or clubs, and a couple through family.
I'd say approx 99%
There are the odd one or two i've become good friends with after meeting online, but out of the hundreds of people I know online, thats not many.

Trying too hard is very off-putting. My suspicion is that it's an instinctual thing; combination self-preservation (some desperate men can be dangerous) and biologically desiring a strong father candidate (who presumably would not have to reach a point of desperation). Confidence is attractive, but not being confident is not off-putting--you can still be casual.



As a girl, I just have to say that I really don't think it works that way. At the very least, it doesn't work that way for all girls. It is very possible and common for love to built on friendship. I also feel the urge to explain how the typical usage of the phrase "nice guy" is actually synonymous with "self-righteous jerk," but being genuinely nice and also happening to be a guy can be very attractive.... But it's been done and done and done, "nice guys" will never believe it (I'm not saying that I think you fall into this category), and I don't feel like encouraging pointless arguing on this overdone topic.


This really can't be stressed enough. If you do end up in the so-called friend zone, there's a good chance that this is why. If a guy hangs out with me but never shows any interest, I will work on the assumption that he is not interested and thus never consider him as a possible romantic candidate.

KnowRainSupreme has many good and accurate points.

Women have the "lover-provider" complex when it comes to men. Right now the sexual marketplace is skewed in favor of the exciting lover type.

I've been rejected plenty of times. I used to take it really personally (like certain unnamed people on this board do) until I lost my v-card to an escort. After the summer I lost my virginity, I asked girls out on dates during my last year at university like it was no big deal. The dates didn't really develop into relationships yet it felt very normal.

You won't feel "sad and inferior" anymore when you realize that you can have a model good looking 19 year old hotter than any of the girls surrounding you over to your house for some fun. Sex is sex. You will pay for it one way or the other.

Be kind to only those who deserve it and earn it.

Last edited by RICKY5 on 05 Dec 2010, 2:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

I understand that being rejected is hurtful and I think that's a very normal reaction. However I hope you give yourself credit for being brave enough to approach girls anyway. I don't think being rejected in this case indicates you are inferior. You just weren't her type. For someone out there, you are perfect. It's just a matter of finding them.

Looks like I'm gonna be screwed after May then.

I've been out of school for a while but I can get all the sex I want. Which contrary to protestations of flowery BS, is really the only reason men truly bother with dating. We just like to tell ourselves lots of pretty lies and believe those pretty lies.

This is true to some extent. It isn't that you shouldn't put any effort into pursing someone you like. In many instances, the traditional flowers, candy and chivalry is fine, just don't do it constantly. It is like a special power in a game. You must use it sparingly.

Most girls just don't want a guy following them around like a servant eager to do anything for them all of the time.

You'd be surprised. There is a market for "b*tch beaten" guys.

There are a small number of women like that but in my experience, they don't treat the men very well.

The ones I know do but but it's clear to me who wears the pants in the relationship. As for "b*tch beaten" thats just an expression I guess.

Sorry, I'm not going to see a prostitute or a escort. It's against my moral, ethical and logical grounds to "pay" for sex in that sense. I'd much rather have a girlfriend - even though there's a possibility she might cheat on me. Not a tramp who has slept with god knows who.

Suit yourself. You should join a CBT fetish club (do not google it at work)

They say the sensation is akin to having a girlfriend or being married.