OK Cupid experiment: Full disclosure

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In response to some recent debates here, I've revised my OK Cupid dating profile to include full disclosure of my AS and the general ways in which it manifests itself early in a relationship.

Also, I've included the explicit suggestion that a woman is going to have to be pretty tolerant/open-minded in order to see past my AS and appreciate what I have to offer to a potential girlfriend.

I layed it on pretty thick, my hypothesis is that my reasonably good response rate thus far will decline sharply or disappear altogether.

If you're interested, you can view it here (you don't have to be an OKC member to view):

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Lost-in-OC

I don't really care about potentially screwing up my chances because I've already sort of given up on the whole online dating thing anyway. I am just curious and thought it might yield some data useful to other people on the forum.

Any ideas on how it will turn out?

It doesn't sound to bad but if it works, it works.

I've haven't had much luck with the damn site.

I really expect it won't work, I'm just trying to generate some useful data on the subject.

As far as your luck goes, have you really worked the site? You can't just post a profile and sit back expecting the metaphorical phone to start ringing...

I shot a few messages, I'm not getting bites.

Honestly it's actually not bad.

I'd make a few small changes.

Change to:

"I'm tall, in good physical shape, have all of my hair, and a long list of places I'd like to go, and things I'd like to do in life. It'd be nice to have someone to share those experiences with. I'm not going to lie. I'm looking for that special someone who I can form a deep connection with. I'm hoping that there's someone out there who can think outside the box. Someone I can have deep philosophical conversations with, and someone I can talk to by just holding her hand and not saying a word."

Reason: God knows I might be the wrong person to take advice from on this issue. I can't claim to be a typical woman. However, I believe most women might be turned off by a man who explicitly states he has a Mensa level IQ. It might come across as arrogant. Same for explicitly stating that you have an outstanding income. If you really want to talk about it, you might just say "stable professional job". The part after "think outside the box" sounds desperate to me, as if you are pleading for someone to give you a chance because you have a low opinion of how others perceive you. I don't think women find that attractive.

Other than that, I don't think your profile sounds bad at all. It's definitely one of the better ones.

Hmm... I don't think it's bad to mention that you have a good income. A lot of guys seem to be looking to get married but they can't afford to support a wife and kids! Plus financial stability indicates that you are able to hold down a job, save money, manage your resources etc. All in all, appealing qualities. Maybe you could mention it in other ways.

With the Mensa thing... maybe you should mention you are looking for an intelligent woman instead (hopefully you are). This sort of implies that you think you are smart without sounding like you want her to ooh and ahh over your membership card. (I do think it's worthwhile to indicate that you have intellectual capabilities in your profile and are looking for the same... a lot of guys don't seem to do this or they sure don't sound like it).

Good luck, be sure to post how it goes! I have thought about mentioning Asperger's on such sites before but... I'm afraid I've gotten so many negative reactions from people who already know and like me about it, that it seems even more risky to someone who probably has no idea what it is and also doesn't know me at all. So this will be a very interesting experiment.

Forgot to mention: I think your profile sounds great overall in addition to my two cents above. But I do think you should change your picture! Your picture on this site is a lot more appealing than the one your dating profile.

When men say in dating profiles that they make a lot of money and are looking for an intelligent women I usually just get the impression they are pricks for some reason.

And how many people think they are not intelligent? Very few!

Keep us posted. What was your rate of interest (ROI) before?

If I did this, I probably wouldn't be able to judge.

I imagine it might help weed out some of the undesirables, in the same way that telling someone that you are or are not a smoker would, but you'll have to let us know how it goes.

I tried messaging a girl once who disclosed her AS on OKCupid, but I probably sounded like an idiot (as usual) and she never replied back to me

I'm not single and there would be some other lifestyle conflicts between you and I (I love my vino!). But if I were browsing personals, I would find yours interesting. I think that other aspie females might also - it's an honesty thing. Beware of gold diggers with your income disclosure though.

I always mentioned AS in my okcuoid profile. I think it depends on the kind of women you're looking for. Never been a problem for me I don't thionk

It doesn't look too bad. Although, I know of people who claim to of mentioned that they have AS in their profile and said that the number of responses dropped dramatically. Despite what some people have said in those recent debates on the forum, I don't believe it acts as a filter. I say that mainly because a lot of (if not most) people who would read the profile, won't know what Asperger's is all about and what it entails.

I'm undecided either way what is better whether to be upfront or withhold such information. I can see their is an equally valid case for withholding and for disclosing such information on a proflile site like that.

But I welcome that you too have disclosed your AS publically on that profile as well, im just uncertain how it impacts on other peoples perceptions of you on there.

Like it, and done - thanks!



Of course I am looking for an intelligent woman! I melt...

I think it's important to disclose that I have a good income, especially since I am disclosing my diagnosis. I just want to make it clear that despite my AS, I am completely independent and capable of supporting myself (and others) with money left over for toys and fun. Hard to do it without sounding like a jackhole though. It's included in my stats, I think I'll just leave it at that.



I know my pictures suck, but my rationale was to try to look "Aspie". The photo in my avatar is about 4 years old. Once again, I hope I don't sound arrogant (I'm not!! !), but I did manage to get into the OKC "Top half" (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/1 ... 14149.html) even with those lame photos. Nevertheless I see if I can dig something up more flattering.



First of all, thanks! Like I mentioned in my profile, I really don't mind if others drink at all, I just don't enjoy it myself - at least you always have a "designated driver" available. Gold diggers are super obvious (I've had a couple) but far fewer than you might think, my overall sense is that women really don't care about it that much.



That is precisely my view, I am strongly inclined against disclosure for exactly that reason. I'm just trying to back it up with some real-world data, hence the present experiment...

UPDATE

I had my "Aspie" profile up for about an hour and got bit as soon as my bait hit the water. I exchanged about 5 emails with a cute local NT girl in the space of about an hour and it looks like it will probably end up being a date. So much for my hypothesis...

Anyway, could just be an outlier, I'll wait and see how things trend in the longer term...

I don't think being an aspie hurts you. In fact you being honest about who you are helps more than anything. It just changes what doors open rather than closes doors. Knowing more than the basic stuff early on does help.

I read your profile, it looks great right now. You have good taste in music too.

I already dropped the Mensa thing, I adopted Chronos' text verbatim.

My income is in my demographic information, but like I mentioned before I don't think women care as much as is commonly believed.

I transitioned to being self-employed/entrepeneur in 2010, before that I was a sell-side analyst on Wall Street. I was a finalist for the Wall Street Journal's "Best on the Street" in 2009 in my sector (pharmaceuticals), but it seems too arrogant to mention it. My policy is to only disclose the details if asked...