What to do when hugged on 1st date? Dating milestones

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What to do when hugged on 1st date?
say no (how?) 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
manipulate body in a certain way to say no (how?) 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
bear with it 20%  20%  [ 1 ]
initiate the hug on my own terms? 80%  80%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 5

renexu
Tufted Titmouse
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13 Jan 2011, 4:32 pm

A friend wrote this:
http://aspergersingles.blogspot.com/201 ... aspie.html

One thing I want to know is: What to do when someone tries to hug you at the end of your first date? It happened to me once, and I ran away. That was the end of it.

Other tips?



peterD91
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13 Jan 2011, 4:39 pm

It happened to me to, I just went with it and hugged back, never kissed though.



momsparky
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13 Jan 2011, 6:28 pm

If you are uncomfortable with hugging, step backwards away from the hug and offer your hand in a handshake. Use your hand to maintain the physical distance between you and the other person if they try for another one.

This will send a message that you are distancing yourself, which may or may not be what you want. If you want another date after the hug is sidestepped, you'll need to smile and say something like "I had a lovely time, and I hope we can do this again soon." If not, the handshake will probably be enough.

Remember that you aren't the only one who feels awkward and doesn't know what is appropriate at the end of a date - nobody is comfortable on a first date. A friendly hug on a first date isn't necessarily inappropriate - unless it is extremely physical - but you should feel comfortable asserting boundaries about what feels right to you.



quesonrias
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13 Jan 2011, 6:41 pm

I tend to sort of turn as they go to hug so it turns into a friendly side hug. It's much less uncomfortable, and it is not as awkward as some of the other alternatives. It also gives the message that you still have boundaries that need to be respected.


_________________
If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.

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Wombat
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14 Jan 2011, 11:37 pm

Dear Girls,

If you like the guy then hug him back and give him a kiss.

If you reject him than he will assume that you don't like him and you will never see him again.



quesonrias
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14 Jan 2011, 11:56 pm

Wombat wrote:
Dear Girls,

If you like the guy then hug him back and give him a kiss.

If you reject him than he will assume that you don't like him and you will never see him again.


awww...

If I've known the guy for a long time and we are exploring a romantic relationship, I would most definitely do this. However, if it is a guy who is essentially a stranger, and who wants to hug me, I'm not open to this at first. It takes me a few dates to warm up to physical contact. I have to be mentally prepared. Otherwise, it is a great shock to my system and it brings a flood of overwhelming feelings that I cannot even begin to understand or control.

I have learned from experience though, a guy who really wants to know you, the real you, will not be put off by this. He will bide his time, push the boundaries a little, then step back a little and give you room to open up on your own.


_________________
If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Wombat
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15 Jan 2011, 12:47 am

Let me tell you all a story that I have never told to a living soul.

In my early 20's I was living in a strange city and met a cute girl at a church group.

We got to talking about things worth seeing near the city so we arranged to drive down the coast on the next weekend.

It got too late to drive home so I folded back the front seat of the car and we went to sleep. No cuddling, no kissing, no sex. (Not that I tried)

After that I assumed that she just wanted to be my "friend" or my "sister".

My bad. It wasn't like I was a virgin or something because I wasn't.

The poor girl. The next month or two she tried her best in her gentle way to seduce me but I was too stupid to take her up on it.

I dropped her off one evening. She grabbed my face in both hands and gave me a big kiss. Then she turned around and ran into her front door.

Poor girl. She was so shy and so ladylike.

Shortly after that I met the girl who is my wife today.

But I still ask myself. What if I had taken the hint?
I probably wouldn't have married my present wife.

I would have probably married the shy and gentle girl and my whole life since then would have been different.