Meaning of "nice guys finish last"?

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It means, basically, that women tend to see guys who are always kind, quiet and polite (i.e. 'nice guys') more as friends rather than romantic or sexual partners.

I get what your saying you guys.

I'm going to expand on why excessive lavishing with unsolicited gifts might be a turn off.

1. It may give her the perception you are insecure.
2. She may start to feel suffocated, and the fact that you can't tell she feels suffocated, or gauge her boundaries by non-verbal cues may be seen as a problem.
3. She may start to feel you are buying her gifts because it gives you a sense of self entitlement.
4. She may start to feel that this gift buying isn't really done with consideration to her, and continuing to do so may actually make her feel like she is actually invisible, in that he can't perceive her actual likes and needs.

Some excessive gift buyers fall into the all of the above category. They are insecure and feel that buying gifts establishes themselves in relationships because when you buy a gift for someone, they are supposed to reciprocate the kindness somehow, correct? However, in their mind they decide that this kindness should be reciprocated through accepting them as a friend or lover. They use gift giving inappropriately. This exploitation of the practice is comorbid with a distortion view of the practice. They don't really understand the deeper aspects of it. To them, a gift is really no different than money, and they alone, decide what denomination that gift represents. They are usually oblivious to the perceptions of the person they are buying the gift to.

Sometimes an excessive gift giver is actually a compulsive buyer, and they will buy things for others so they can convince themselves there is a legitimate reason to buy the things they want to buy.

My roommate is a compulsive buyer. Not only would he buy me "gifts" (aka junk we didn't need which was sometimes redundant in nature, like a a chopstick set from the 99 cent store) on a regular basis, but he would put himself into debt buying gifts for others around the holidays and he would fill up the common spaces with things he'd never open.

At first I was nice about it. I would say "Thanks, but you don't need to keep buying me stuff." As he continued to do so, that changed to "Please stop buying me stuff. I'm not very materialistic and I only want things I need," at this point, he started to become upset because I would not respond to his gifts in the way in which he thought I should (happily and greatful). In fact, my tone with him started to become a bit harsh and I would have to respond in a manner which, in normal circumstances, would be considered rude. It worked to some extent. He scaled back on the "gifts" but occasionally, I'll still get a "gift" from "the dog" or sometimes "the cat", in which case I let it slide because I know then that he has put some actual thought into why he is buying the gift and has determined he is buying it for the right reasons.

The cat bought me some slippers for my birthday.

Wow, that is some buying.
No, I'm talking about LTR's and stuff.

As I covered in another thread, to me "nice guys" are guys that are so accommodating and compliant that they get pushed around. They don't set boundaries. They don't know how to say no when people ask them for stuff. Most importantly, they don't stand up for themselves. Then they complain about how unfair it is that people who aren't as "nice" as they are get the things they want. People take advantage of nice guys because they can. It's always the "nice guys" that get stuck working longer hours, doing the jobs no one else wants, being the designated driver, being the friend rather than the lover, and on and on. Nice guys get treated like crap but don't do anything about it, and then complain about how unfair the world is. The meaning of the phrase then, is this. If you always let everyone you meet go in front of you, it's only logical that you end up at the end of the line.

Good explanation. I can't stand when people b***h about how arrogant others are then cry about there relationship issues...

Remember, the stereotypical nice guy is a both a pushover and really, really BORING.

Also, in the world of stereotypes, men fight each for girls to have sex with, often whether the girl likes it or not. The nice guy is unwittingly caught up in knife fights in back alleys and left bleeding in a ditch because he didn't want to hurt his opponent, and his only remaining defense is to hope that someone has pity on him.

NOTE: In the world of stereotypes pity only comes from girls (who may go on a few dates before moving on to 'real men') and clergy who convince nice guys to join them and swear celibacy.

This only has limited application in the real world, but is often true in business and nearly always true in criminal cultures.

I remember an episode of Scrubs where JD said, "Even the best of men can go awry."

...This was when he was planning to cheat on his girlfriend.

Best of men. Yep, that describes a guy that's going off to cheat on his girlfriend.

Furthermore, there are the "nice guys" that try and get close to girls by pretending to be their friends so they can get in their pants. For some strange reason, girls don't seem to appreciate this.

And, of course, there's the ones that insist that their way is the only way to be.

Ah, and my favorite: "I'd treat her like a god. That one argument they had proves that that guy's a total jerk and how could she be with him?"

It means that a lot of girls prefer a "rudeboy" who will treat them like crap for reasons which are debated but not certain. These girls are idiots, though, so it's not something worth making a big deal over, it's just a case of finding someone right for you.

To me the phrase "Nice guys finish last" means that the guy is a caring person & women tend to take advantage of his caring sensitivity by coming to him whenever they are having a problem & want some emotional support but the women do not like him in a romantic way for various rezones. Maybe he's not confident enough, maybe he's not outgoing enough, maybe he doesn't look good, maybe he's poor, he has a disability ect ect. The women generally go to him to complain about the problems they have with guys & the women tend to tell him that they wish they could find a guy like him but they have zero interest in actually being with him. In short the Nice guy is a guy who gets used because he's too nice. He also may be considered more of a girl friend than boyfriend material which could partly be why women are not attracted to him.

A few women told me that women like having two guys in their lives. One that guy that they go to for dating & sexual stuff & another that they go to for friendship & emotional support. The nice Guy is the guy who is emotional support. Women don't like be dependent on one guy unlike men who want one women for everything. Women worry about being too clingy & they want to have one person around in case the other leaves; The saying don't put all your eggs in one basket comes to mind.

It is important that I point out that I did NOT say all women are like that but some are & i have heard this from a few women

Last edited by nick007 on 16 Jan 2011, 10:51 am, edited 2 times in total.

Congrats Chronos, this story's just made my day

Why do this to yourself though? If you realize they are taking advantage of you, why keep letting them?

I do not realize that they're taking advantage of me at 1st. By the time I start realizing it; I have some feelings towards em & even thou I know they're using me; I want to be there for em even if it will never be anything more because I do care about em. I ruined lots of friendships with women by asking for more. Women are never attracted to me or willing to give me a chance for anything more I believe that my partner should be my best friend & I'd rather have a woman friend who I can never be anything more with than having sex & stuff with a woman who is running to another guy for emotional support. I guess I'm selfish because I'd rather have it all from one woman

I expect that it refers to the passive attitude that comes with being nice, usually.

This is what I'm talking about when it comes to "defining boundaries". If you want to have the romance and the friendship, then don't give them one without the other. It's both or none. That's selfish, and it isn't very nice, but that's how most people define their boundaries. What they're doing to you isn't very nice from your perspective. They're sharing their intimate feelings with you causing you to develop feelings for them which they're never going to reciprocate for their own reasons. This is why I don't do opposite sex friends, unless they're married or I'm not the least bit interested in them romantically. You may need to think about a similar policy. They probably are using one with you. If you develop feelings, tell the person, and if they don't reciprocate, break or minimize contact to spare yourself the pain. Nobody is going to think less of you for it. If you can't do these things because you're too nice, then there's not much I or anyone else can do to help you. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Your rite about that. This is one of the rezones why I ruined friendships by wanting more. I quit trying for more & I'm not going out my way to help like I used to & I have almost no friends now.