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Issues with girls

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Gak66
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04 Feb 2011, 8:23 pm

HI! i have a problem thhat me adn my system cannot seem to solve.....fully

its with girls. i usually get a bit nervous and try to be carefull with my actions. since my sex drive was taken over by my "dark" self and i was a little out of control but me, Gak, and jesus fought it and now we have regained control over it.

usually when it comes to talking to a girl about stuff....i dont really know what to talk about. i try to avoid talking about computers and all and try to focus on family. i also feel like i ask to many questions so i try to mention things that have happened in my family. although this sometimes fails and it goes back to looking like its an interrogation.

anyway are there any aspergians (including females) who have encountered this? i have had so many problems with girls im just getting tired of it and wish i could meet a girl that i would have a good time with.



Zeek
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04 Feb 2011, 10:38 pm

Personally I don't have a problem with my confidence around girls and when I do I NEVER show it, girls love confidence. Just be yourself, if she likes who you are she'll go further, if she doesn't she won't. You shouldn't just play someone else to get a girl, eventually you'll need to tell her the truth or your life will be a very unhappy one.



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04 Feb 2011, 10:39 pm

Girls generally don't like to be pounded with questions and if you find you are doing so much of the talking, all you can do is ask questions, you are probably doing too much talking.

If she's really that into you she will make an effort to contribute to the conversation.



Zeek
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04 Feb 2011, 10:41 pm

Girls don't like being pounded by questions, Chronos is right, but they do like to talk, just find a common interest and talk about that.



sacrip
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04 Feb 2011, 11:42 pm

It's easy to think of girls as a completely different species, but they're really not. Granted, not many of them are into computers or comic books or such things, but the same is true with many guys you'd meet out in the world. If you talk to a girl you don't know the same way you'd talk to a guy you don't know, odds are you'll be OK.


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richardbenson
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05 Feb 2011, 1:11 pm

Most girls in there early 20's are immature and only want to be a music video. go for the seasoned vets my man. 26 or older and i think you'll find out there much more stable and dont need another income to be seen with you in public


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Zeek
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05 Feb 2011, 2:41 pm

True, the brain finishes developing at age 25 so that would be why.



menintights
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05 Feb 2011, 7:38 pm

richardbenson wrote:
Most girls in there early 20's are immature and only want to be a music video. go for the seasoned vets my man. 26 or older and i think you'll find out there much more stable and dont need another income to be seen with you in public


Of course, stable women don't normally go for younger people who think of themselves as more mature than their peers either.

Quote:
anyway are there any aspergians (including females) who have encountered this? i have had so many problems with girls im just getting tired of it and wish i could meet a girl that i would have a good time with.


Yes, I gave a lot of strangers the third degree when I first started to go outside and socialize. It was even worse because I was a girl and I was supposed to have a lot to say about a lot of things (note: see Zeek's comment), and I just didn't. Probably didn't help that my obsession at the time was the people living in my head. Not only could other people not see them, but I couldn't even try to make a conversation piece out of them without risking being thought of as crazy.

My advice: practice. Expand your interests. And realize that girls are people, too.



MCalavera
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06 Feb 2011, 7:44 am

Gak66 wrote:
HI! i have a problem thhat me adn my system cannot seem to solve.....fully

its with girls. i usually get a bit nervous and try to be carefull with my actions. since my sex drive was taken over by my "dark" self and i was a little out of control but me, Gak, and jesus fought it and now we have regained control over it.

usually when it comes to talking to a girl about stuff....i dont really know what to talk about. i try to avoid talking about computers and all and try to focus on family. i also feel like i ask to many questions so i try to mention things that have happened in my family. although this sometimes fails and it goes back to looking like its an interrogation.

anyway are there any aspergians (including females) who have encountered this? i have had so many problems with girls im just getting tired of it and wish i could meet a girl that i would have a good time with.


Stop allowing Jesus to be an obstacle. Lust is not a sin. Simple.



leejosepho
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06 Feb 2011, 7:57 am

MCalavera wrote:
Lust is not a sin.

True enough, but acting upon it certainly can be ... and the OP is looking for solutions related to that.


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MCalavera
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06 Feb 2011, 8:05 am

leejosepho wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
Lust is not a sin.

True enough, but acting upon it certainly can be ... and the OP is looking for solutions related to that.


Man, chances are his problems with lust are most likely innocent compared to what others go through, but he calls it dark self because of his Christian faith.

It's ok to be sexual ... granted within limit and reason.



leejosepho
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06 Feb 2011, 8:34 am

MCalavera wrote:
leejosepho wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
Lust is not a sin.

True enough, but acting upon it certainly can be ... and the OP is looking for solutions related to that.


Man, chances are his problems with lust are most likely innocent compared to what others go through, but he calls it dark self because of his Christian faith.

It's ok to be sexual ... granted within limit and reason.

Sure ... but there are more than just religious issues to consider whenever "the lust of the flesh" drives one's actions. So, at least sometimes the idea here is to show some respect and actual interest in others as persons rather than to just do whatever merely *feels* good and again run the risk of making more babies we had never really thought about at all.


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b9
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06 Feb 2011, 9:48 am

i do not see girls as different than anyone else. i have a very clinical view of life, and i usually talk about what is happening right now.

i see many males who are in awe of females, and they put them on pedestals because girls embody all that they are attracted to, and those males think they are inferior beings to girls because they are not attracted to themselves nearly as much as they are to girls.

those males exude a sense of inferiority when they are in the presence of females, and they agonize how to micromanage every aspect of their behavior so as it will be appealing to girls.

it is like they think "you are a prized example of humanity, and i am a lesser entity, so i must be careful to stranglehold my being so as to only exhibit aspects of it that i think you will approve of".

it really is a pathetic submission, and i think girls feel the awkward intensity of the apprehensive anxiety emanating from the males, and they find it possibly uncomfortable.

i personally have my whole world and attitude in my head all day, and i do not think of girls as being better than me, and if a girl starts to talk to me, i will narrate the thoughts that are currently occurring to me without modification or contrivance.

if they are not interested, then i do not care. i just cease my discourse and continue on my way.
if they are interested, then they will say something that is occurring to them spontaneously, and it will likely stimulate my attention, and then we will talk in a completely spontaneous way until i have to go (i am usually busy).


girls usually like me because they feel at ease and they do not feel any awkwardness of contrivance or ulterior motivation in my words to them.



techstepgenr8tion
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06 Feb 2011, 11:09 am

Chronos wrote:
Girls generally don't like to be pounded with questions and if you find you are doing so much of the talking, all you can do is ask questions, you are probably doing too much talking.


That just reminded me of something. I used to look up girls in my class in the phone book when I was in 3rd or 4th grade and I still remember having like twenty-five or thirty questions, calling a girl in my class and running down the list without even letting her expand on her answers. On the bright side, if she was in a bad mood before that I probably confused her too much to stay there :).



scottmyers14
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28 Feb 2011, 10:11 pm

There is this girl who likes me and wants me to be her friend, but I don't like her and I don't want to be friends with her, so I had told her I don't want to be friends, but she isn't listening to me. She is annoying me by asking me if I'm her friend, one time she kissed her hand and put her hand on me, and hugging me without asking me. She is annoying me to the point where I pushed her. I'm not really a mean person, but seriously she's driving me crazy and won't listen to me, so I don't know what to do. Please I'm asking for help, please help me!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !