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feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 12:27 am

i have a girlfriend, things are going well...and i dont know jack of what to do. what to do, say. anything...any advise?


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Arman_Khodaei
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06 Feb 2011, 1:50 am

How long have you guys been dating? If you don't mind me asking, how far has the relationship gone i.e. holding hands, kissing, or physical. You don't have to answer if you don't want, but it can help me help you. Also, Valentine's Day is coming up.


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feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 2:22 am

we've known each other for about 3 years, and now we're going out. we havent even held hands to be honest...im...anti touch at heart...yeahhh....i don't know what to do, where to go, what to do, how to hold hands and such...o lack all these skills lol


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Arman_Khodaei
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06 Feb 2011, 3:05 am

That's pretty tough since you've known her so long. At first, things can seem awkward, as far as holding hands goes, just take her hand one day while you guys are walking. And, I guess as far as kissing goes, well, Valentine's is coming up. Perhaps, tell her what she means to you, your thoughts about her, etc, and just go for it after you've had a romantic dinner or something. But, yah, I know where you are coming from, and it can be very scary.


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Wombat
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06 Feb 2011, 8:45 am

feaghal wrote:
we've known each other for about 3 years, and now we're going out. we havent even held hands to be honest...im...anti touch at heart...yeahhh....i don't know what to do, where to go, what to do, how to hold hands and such...o lack all these skills lol


Oh for God's sake. Do you WANT to touch her? If so then hold her hand. Stroke her hair. Kiss her.

She obviously likes you or she wouldn't have wasted all this time on you.

If you don't want to do those things then forget about women and buy a dog.



emlion
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06 Feb 2011, 1:09 pm

Does she know you're anti-touch?



feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 6:06 pm

I had a bad event in my past, i don't want to retell it again, that made me very anti social and anti touch. yes i do want a girlfriend. I'm lucky i can look anyone in the eyes, I've come very far considering, but i don't know how is the prob. also, I've never had a gf to this point of seriousness. i don't know what to do...lol

she knows I'm kinda anti touch, but doesn't seem to get why, even when i told her


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feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 6:09 pm

Wombat wrote:
feaghal wrote:
we've known each other for about 3 years, and now we're going out. we havent even held hands to be honest...im...anti touch at heart...yeahhh....i don't know what to do, where to go, what to do, how to hold hands and such...o lack all these skills lol


Oh for God's sake. Do you WANT to touch her? If so then hold her hand. Stroke her hair. Kiss her.

She obviously likes you or she wouldn't have wasted all this time on you.

If you don't want to do those things then forget about women and buy a dog.


yes, she wasted her time on me, so supportive, thanks for all the support. and i do want to have a gf and be happy. but as i said before, i have history that mucks that up. and i don't plan on dropping her for a dog...thanks for the kind suggestion tho


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emlion
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06 Feb 2011, 6:12 pm

You can't expect her to put up with no touch though.
It's not fair on her.
Maybe you need to learn to trust her and then it won't be an issue.

Before I fully trusted my partner I had an issue where I wouldn't let anyone see my body (because it's badly scarred, especially my back) but now, I let him see it, because I trust him and know he's not like the people who caused the trauma.



feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 6:17 pm

im trying to lessen my not touchy feelings, but its not easy lol, and she knows it


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emlion
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06 Feb 2011, 6:18 pm

Yeah, it's definitely not easy. >.<
But it's good you're doing it for her.
Shows how much you care.



feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 6:23 pm

im just not sure how to break down said barriors, and what do to now i've never gotten to this point in a relationship, thus idk where to take her while im on a budget, what to say, how to act lol


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feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 6:25 pm

and i do trust her, far more than i probably should lol. and she trusts me...but thats a trust that doesnt concor fear lol


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feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 6:26 pm

well, concer my deap fears atleast lol, it comes close tho lol


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Arman_Khodaei
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06 Feb 2011, 6:45 pm

Sometimes, you just need to step outside your comfort zone. You might not like it at first, but with time, if you really love this girl, I think it is worth it. You can ask for advice all day on here, but the truth is that you just need to have confidence and do what needs to be done.

Since you claim to be on a budget, perhaps you can go on a picnic for Valentine's Day. You don't even need to buy flowers, you can pick them for her while at the park. Though, that might seem like an afterthought, but some girls can find that very romantic. Perhaps, try writing her a love letter or poem telling her your feelings.


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feaghal
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06 Feb 2011, 7:59 pm

yeah...its good advise, but shes a physical person and I'm not, I'm trying to change and its not fast enough it seems...i am natural a submissive person, but she doesn't want submissive. i go here for advise cause people here can relate best, and here is the best advise so far on what to do, but there's still comments that get to me cause I'm always thinking i did something wrong...

thank you person who suggested buying a dog instead, u just made me feel like scum...


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