what am i to do?

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If you have to change yourself to gain the love of another, they aren't worth it.

i am willing to change for her, i really want her to be happy, but that requires ALOT of change

I can't agree with you 100%. It depends on the change is for the better or not. Physical touch kind of comes with the territory of dating. Now, having to change other aspects of your personality to please someone is a different story.

i have alot of flaws, such as highgein for one, also, im submisive, which doesnt seem to work in a relationship lol. i want her to be happy, and im willing to alter alitle, sides, i can always revert back lol

Coming from someone who's twitchy about being touched, at least when not prepared for it; Yes it will require you to go outside your comfort zone.

I'm twitchy, always was, probably will be. Even with people who I otherwise would trust with almost anything, people I think highly of, people I love. Even my girlfriend can easily make me jump in my seat if I'm not prepared, just by tapping me on the side or waist.

I think I can understand your feeling of "I don't know how to" - that's something I feel bout a lot of things in life. I feel like I want a bloody manual for everything. How do I do this? When? Why? Is it a bad idea or a good idea? Should I repeat it? Should I say something? Etc, you get the point.

This is where I think you have to go outside your comfort zone. Because some things, people just can't tell you. You can't always be prepared for everything. And this is one of the things that might be hard to accept. You seem like a sensitive guy, no pun intended, which isn't a bad thing I think. That's something you can work with, and probably something she might appreciate if you both learn to work with it.

I think you need to start with trying to make it clear for her that you do want to, but it's difficult for you.

Quote of truth:

To me, personally, when I have to deal with all the "I need a manual for this crap!" feelings I have about things, the above fact is what kind of stings the most for me. But you learn to deal with that eventually. But you have to start somewhere. You have to actually act.


Try talking to her. Make her understand what issues you face. Try make it a nice (interesting?) talk - don't make it all gloomy and depressive like it's the end of the world that things are they way they are. If you want to make this work, talking is probably a great place to start anyway - you will both need to learn to both talk and listen. And learn to do so comfortably even on topics that are sensitive to either of you.

Start easy. Make her aware that you have to start easy. The more she understands your problems, the more she can help you if she wants to. If she knows that holding hands is something you're not sure about - she'll feel alright about it being awkward at first. She'll want to make you comfortable about it. If she doesn't know & understand that it is a real issue for you - she'll probably react differently. Of course i could be wrong. But that's how I would feel, and, well, that's all I can really go by

And above all else, be respectful. Maybe she thinks it's weird at first, but if she sees that it's important to you, and sees that you appreciate it, she'll hopefully want to keep going until you're both comfortable with a lot more than just holding hands.


Oh and ignore the people here telling you to just "man up" or telling you you're wasting her time or whatever, I got a long list of words that I'd call those kind of people and none of them are nice.