Just been dumped, need advice.

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I've just had my NT girlfriend break up with me. not because of anything i've done, but because of some things she needs to work on before we can get back together. she's liked this other person for a long time, and even though she told me she didn't love them anymore when we got together, she confessed to me the other day that she may still have feelings for them. at one point, not to be mean or controlling, but having known the facts of the situation with this person prior to our getting together, and also because this other person isn't the best influence, i had asked her to spend less time with them, and to not have over nights at eachother's houses. well, she was fine with this until the other person became upset, then i had to give in. well, yesterday while she was telling why we couldn't be together right now, she made another confession, she told me she hadn't been completely faithful to me, and that the first night they spent together after i allowed the rule to drop, she tried to kiss the other person. what hurts the most is that i trusted her. she kept asking "don't you trust me?" and i would say 'yes, but i don't trust them.' so now i've come to the point in my life where i've realized the only person i can really trust is myself. i've struggled for years with trust issues, and for me to allow myself to trust her the way i did, was a big deal. and she knew it too. this is not the first time i've been hurt ike this by a significant other. but now i'm left with not being able to let go of her and remembering all the things i did with her that i hadn't done, and never will do with anyone else because i TRUSTED her.

What i need to know, is what now? should i try and rebuild that trust while waiting for her to figure herself out and we maybe get back together, or should i just not, because the risk and fear of getting hurt is too much. i've learned that trusting people is bad, and all it leads to is you getting hurt.
do other people feel this way too? or is it just me?

if we don't get back together and i figure out some way to let her and all of this go, should i let myself back out there? isn't it better to be alone my whole life, than to constantly be suspicious and paranoid about my mate? what kind of life and love is that?

i'll probably just grow old by myself. be a crazy animal lady, and work with kids. sounds pretty good to me. kimya dawson lyrics time "and if i'm a spinster for the rest of my life, my arms will keep me warm on cold and lonely nights."

No. She is no good. You deserve much better. She doesn't seem to take responsibility for her actions and asks you to "trust" her when she breaks your trust. You are best moving on.

You deserve much better, honestly she is not trustworthy and you should not go back with her. She clearly played you along to get what she wants and I don't doubt if it doesn't work out she will try to come back to you.

If it happens my advice would be to tell her you have learnt from this experience of what should NOT happen in a relationship and you are going to move on. You are young! Don't let it make you negative about everyone you meet, give yourself some time to heal and try again.

Part of my problem is not understanding 'social agenda's' and all the hidden meanings behind what people say, I have to remind myself to ask further questions about what their intent may be so I can try to figure out what is really going on. This may be something that affects you too. I have always taken people at face value thinking that they would not lie or want to manipulate me and then find out that they do, in some cases. It's only something I have recently realized about myself, but now it's an improvement at least that I know and can handle situations better. So don't give up!

I would just start trying to get over her and heal yourself. She does not sound like a trustworthy person. Sometimes when we are in love with someone we will overlook or justify their actions even when we know that what they are doing is not right. You are very young and you will meet someone one day who will not abuse your trust. She ended things with you so she should start accepting the fact that she let you go and not ask you to wait around while she decides if you are the one or not. You deserve better.

first of SCREW HER she isnt worth it if she lies. i mean seriously why do you have feelings for a liar. second, just let go i have let go in every relationship i dont associate myself with girls i find out isnt worth my time. finally, go out and party, we are young and i for one wont let you (even though i dont know you at all) associate your self with lonlienss and i will also quote a song "even through the darkest days, this fire burns always"

all of you have given me very strong and sound advice. thank you. but i still feel like something is missing, because not all of the facts are here. she told me how she doesn't deserve me, and she's not a horrible person, she's just made a few mistakes. i've already told her that i don't trust her anymore, and that it's going to be hard to get it back. but even if we regain a little, it will never be what it once was. the other person in this scenario doesn't actually want to be with her, and hasn't ever. they just pretended that they wanted to be, and led her on for months then threw her off an emotional cliff. i was the one who put all the pieces back together. we were just best friends for a long time, even though i was in love with her, she told me it was impossible for her to love me because i was already registered in her head as a best friend. she lived with me and my family over the summer, and we became very close, and as i was falling more in love with her, i said nothing because i didn't want to ruin what we had. she had to move out because of a situation with her parents. she texted me a few nights later and asked if i had fallen in love with her, and i was reluctantly honest. the next day we were talking and it came to the point in the conversation where it was time for me to ask the same question. she said she had. we talked a lot about it over the next four days. her saying she really wanted to be with me, but she was worried about her feelings for this other person, and we had a male best friend who wanted to be with her too, and also my very unaccepting parents. the night before she asked me out she said it wasn't going to happen. she hasn't since told me what changed her mind.

we were together almost two months when my parents found out. we thought we had lost eachother, my parents were a little more understanding than we thought they would be. but still didn't let me see her for two weeks cut out all trips to see her at work and limited my cell phone time. everything was fine until a couple of weeks ago when she said she needed a break from everything, and she took a break from us, but not the other person too. all of it was stressing her out.

looking at all of this now, makes me see kinda where all of you are coming from. but, she's eighteen, still a senior and she just needs to mature a little. i just need to give her time. i'm waiting for her on my own, not waiting because she asked me to. but she said she needs time to get over the other person, figure her s**t out, so she can make 'us' better. make our relationship happier and healthier.

i have a horrible out look on trust and things associated with it. i've been sexually abused by two different people one i trusted a lot, and when he did it, i was really scared and hurt. i've been ,mislead and lied to by previous mates, cheated on and other such things. i have a problem with just friends. i do have an issue recognizing "social agenda" that is a fantastic point. everyone is always telling me to ask more questions, and be more careful about who i tell certain things to, or who i trust with secrets. my ex never hurt me before, always said it was the very last thing she wanted to do, and she asked if i would understand if she had to hurt me now to prevent hurting me worse in the future. nothing is ever certain, nothing set in stone. i still love her very much, and she still loves me. but it will be very hard to be back with her and trust her again.

p.s.
i haven't ever been to a party that wasn't a tame birthday party.
and i'm quite content with loneliness, though it is nice to have someone looking out for me like that. thank you

@hartzofspace
not being near her and avoiding her is not really an option. i understand parts of what you are saying, and that to heal i need to move past her. but at this point, even though ALL of you are saying it's the right thing to do, i'm not sure if i can. i'm not ready to take that step yet. as far as i know, she's been just as committed to this relationship as i have. i've felt that she has always been there. she's always supported me and accepted everything about me. she handles all my quirks that come with the AS and bi-polar very well. she's always been good to me. just recently she has made a few mistakes. and i need to be able to forgive her for them, at least as friends. even if we don't get back together, i still need her as a friend. because she's always there when i need her, and she's needs me just as much as i need her. she's my suicide hot line, she's talked me out of it more than once, and if i let go of her, what's to say i won't let go off me? she's my other half, we fit together perfectly, even when we were just friends, even as we are now.
i will think on your words. thank you for them. i very much appreciate all of the things you guys are saying to me.

I'm glad that you found some value in the advice given here! You must of course move at your own pace. I hope that you emerge stronger and wiser from this, most of all! Best of luck!

You should not get back together with her for any reason. I say this because, she has already set the tone for how your relationship will be. This would become pattern. It doesn't mean you'll be alone your whole life! Believe me, I thought the same thing, but I met up with a wonderful dude and we've been together 10 years and married for almost five. Consider yourself lucky, you're getting out with the skin still on your back. Why get flayed when you could get laid. Go have a read at Lionel Richie's "Sail On" lyrics. And, if you decide you're better off alone as the "crazy animal lady," limit the cats to five at most, or the neighbors might complain.

Don't go back to her.

I feel very sorry for you in the fact you felt that spending the night with someone of the opposite sex was acceptable. Just for future reference, people in a relationship do NOT, I repeat NOT do this. EVER.

If my partner wanted to spend the night with another girl, he would be dumped straight away. Look at what happened when you did trust her - thats the exact reason why people don't, and shouldn't.

Let her and her boyfriend enjoy their sh*t lives, get someone better and forget them. Do not trust her, if she does it once, she will do it again. Cheating should never be forgiven.

I'd recommend going out of your way to avoid her to be honest.

to clear things up: the other person is another female. it's a friend of hers she's know and been friends with for many years. long before she even knew i existed.
overnights simply means hanging out at eachothers houses where one or the other would end up spending the night there.
she has just decided she doesn't want to be friends with them anymore, because things aren't working out with their friendship.
whether or not we get back together is still an undetermined factor.
trust is going to be really hard to build back. but it will hopefully happen. even if we don't get back together, it would still be nice to be able to trust my best friend. it will never be what it once was, but hopefully, everything will work out.
thanks to all of you.
i'm gonna look up that lionel richie song right now.
maybe then i won't decide to be a crazy animal lady. but if i do, i'm gonna have a farm with lots of acres of space between me and any neighbors, so all of my animals will have space to run and be free.