Be a jerk, she'll fall in love with you

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What do you mean by evolved?

I ask because you probably are not using it in the correct scientific sense, since women & men are the two genders of the same species, and therefore (in my understanding) can't evolve seperately.

Most guys I know that have girlfriends are rude, possessive, and are rapper wannabes.

I don't dare show any disrespect for beautiful women. Because there are a number out there that will screw you badly.

"Nice guys" are only boring if you let them be boring. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women want to be respected by guys, so here you are, here are some respectful guys. Don't come crying to me when that guy you like better is standing over your bed with a knife.

I didn't read through all the posts, so pardon if it has already been mentioned. But being a nice guy does work sometimes, it worked for me, but I didn't stick around long enough to see how it would have workedin the long run. However, I believe the whole 'tough to get', 'bad boy' thing empowers the female - it gives them something they feel they can control and provides them with a challenge. The relationship would get boring otherwise. Too mundane and routine. Men need to be seen as a prize to obtain and a challenge to overcome.

Oh, and being a nice guy really doesn't make somebody stand out or be interesting too. Women seem to feel the need to 'own' bad boys, where as nice guys they just keep them around as close friends (at best) to use as moral support and draw help from because they know they can take anything they want without reciprocation (in the worst cases that is).

Steve, you have to know yourself though. If that's the type of woman you'd really be happy with then so be it - usually being a jerk and then showing your better side sells a lot better than the opposit way around. Still, you know your own soul. If you want to find someone who's like you, if she's not one of those, it'll take very careful observation.

Agreed, its not that cut and dry. To be able to find yourself in the dating scene is to find someone who fits your strengths, weakness, etc. and a lot of times can draw from you where your strong and can aid you where your weak. It takes till your in your late 20's albeit, especially when you look younger than your actual age, to see it but its there.

SteveVictor is absolutely, 100 percent right. Women are by leaps and bounds more duplicitous creatures than men. I knew a girl who I'd become friends with but she knew that I wanted more. Well, you better believe she lorded this over my head for the duration of the friendship (which was terminated not long ago), and I can see now that it never, NEVER would have worked--even just as friends. I realize now that because I showed her too much affection and respect she in turn never respected me. She began to see me as a play-thing towards the end. Like a sick puppy. I was not a man to her and I could never live down the fact that I was "too soft". That ruined the whole thing and it ended bitterly. I know firsthand now that it's true: women do not respond to nice guys. They just don't. There's no respect for a guy who's too nice or too quiet or too shy. It's percieved as a weakness. I've resigned myself to the fact that no woman is ever going to give me the chance I deserve, so I try my best not to torment myself over the whole thing. Why would any woman given me (or any of us) the time of day--when there are literally millions of other, better qualified candidates out there? I believe that a lot of us just have to accept the fact that a long-term adult relationship just isn't in the cards. It's sad but it is true.

I am confident, could I be too confident should I spend the rest of my life finding the correct level? I don’t think that is going to work.

As for being mean to her, taking he out to Burger King to save money, waking he up at 6 for 3 hour jog to lose some weight, telling he that they are primarily ignorant and telling them that her religion is a bunch of cobblers is not the correct way to be mean to her, she want you to be mean to her in an NT kind of way.

Be mean in an NT kind of way????? What does that mean? My husband is very nice....not co-dependant but very nice. Nice guys can be confident, so much so that they don't need to bully their significant other in order to show off their man hood. I never stayed with guys like that.

Whats an NT way of being mean?

Because using subtlety, gestures, and ignorance to hurt someone is quite painful yes..

But I know from my own experience when I used to get revenge for damage done to me, I could cut someone apart, learning what drives them and using that to hurt them deeply.

Everyone can hurt others.

True that confidence is the key.

I am so sick of hearing this "lack of logic"...you guys want the kind of female who plays these games ,then you will get what you deserve or end up alone.Be yourself,if yourself happens to be nice...nice people will be attracted to you...hope they meet your other standards....seems a lot of guys re only attracted to the kind of females who are attracted to "bad boys"....grow up.

A mean NT will be different then a mean aspie. As I said if I was to treat woman mean, it would not work because I would end up doing it a lot differently then an NT would. You see when a NT male behaves like a jerk, that behavior is driven out of ignorence and lack of understanding of others. Seeing others in contempt, gives them the morale permision to abuse other people for his own gain. It is like in the Orwell book 1984 “Ignorence is power”

My mean behavier would be based on geting her in shape mentally and phicially, possibly the sharp and painful way.

This is right...

It's quite possible that many people shouldn't actually date in their earlier years, however I never would have learnt as much as I have if I didn't..

Personally I realised I'll never be satisfied with a partner, I have too much to do first, so I'd rather spend the age 21 - 29 pretty much alone and after that actively open myself up to finding another.

However of course if I met someone along the way that works with me I'm open to that too.

See, what sucks for me is that I will have a lot of women interested or flirting but I have a problem to where what I'm capable of being attracted to has much more to do with who I feel like I'm staying within my own parameters to date. Its like to have the personality I have now, the perspective I have now, I had to really fight and fight hard for it. It took me untill I was at least 21 or 22 to psychologically emmancipate myself from all the conditioning that my parents, school peers, and everyone had dished out on me - a lot of those things were the takes on myself that weren't me, things that made me feel off-balanced and unstable, and contained all those mainstream emotional energies that just made me ill. What kills me now is that I can have a girl interested, have my friends be like "Dude, she's into you", and at the same time I can definitely recognize that she's a cool chick and that I do at least visually see someone who's physically attractive but if she's psychologically and emotionally like everyone else that just kills it and its not me being judgemental, its just a natural aversion because while I know she could be the nicest girl, try to treat me well, I'd try to do the same for her, she wouldn't understand me and the whole thing would just feel sickeningly akward (and I feel like I'm getting emotionally pulled back into that world that I was in before - its scary). That's kinda why while I haven't really dated around much I kinda feel like I haven't had the luxury :/.

Lol, on the other side of that one and more in line with this thread - Dave D'Angelo has pointed out that some guys don't just jump at anything, like one girl once in a while, and he knows exactly what these guys are - pretty much the ultimate form of *wuss*. Why? Its supposed to be a game of sheer numbers and thinking like I do generally means your lacking too much confidence to play it right (ie. defacto truth dominates). That's why while I love how far I've come along in self-knowledge and how much I've been able to take control of myself, how I feel about myself, and be the person I want to be I also know that I'm penalizing myself hard in the dating world because the more it seems like your honed in on anything specific the more your just dishing yourself a penalty. Seeing as how you don't wanna die single but you also don't wanna die single and have payed all kinds of child support and alimony for either knocking girls up, marriages that went bad, or be popping Valtrex till the day you die to suppress the itching its really a big catch 22. Its like our society tells you that if we don't have the b---s to live on the Marquise De Sade sexual ethics of live for now forget the future then you just aren't cut out to reproduce :/.

I really wonder if in general they just know who they like, who they don't like, and if you aren't in the liked group then the more you sit there and try to analyze it the more you come off to them the way a meloncholy sensitive fat girl comes off to most guys - pretty much every personality trait aligned with their looks to where theres absolutely nothing even remotely attractive left at all (I'd never let this on IRL, I just say it on here because I've got nothing to lose and I figure I owe it to other aspie guys to speak my mind because if its of any use to them I could care less if any women here see me that way for it - their opinion of me just isn't worth worrying about comparatively). IRL your better off using this knowledge to throw your own moral conscience to the wind and really do whatever you wanna do because you wanna do it - its hard as hell for guys like us but the more we pound harsh truths like that in I think the easier it'll be to part with our more altruistic tendencies and just be apes on the right levels like we're supposed to be. Its almost like if your the deep but narrow type like most of the great male authors and artists (who Dave DeAngelo kinda cracked on about being the ultimate wusses and his technics would cause us to possibly lose our best writers) it may well be that that kind of depth, in the dynamics of this world and how it works, deserves punishment and lots of it for that type of eccentricity. Thinking that up until a few centuries ago we were still crucifying people, boiling them in oil, and doing all kinds of things like that I'm not all that surprised that guys who are that deep and sort of, well, spiritually inclined (particularly if he's not a fighter) wouldn't be seen as everything less than a man. So, if you feel bitter just remember - human life has no value aside from what we assign to it, nor does human happiness - therefore weighed against 6 billion other people its more than a little self-important and distorted to feel like the word is smighting you and holding your potential down when its this archaic and backward in how it handles almost anyone (physical violence, starvation, or religious ostracism not even required).

I'd say take the pain and do what Sigmund Freud called Sublimation - turn it around, use it constructively, and excel with it. If something comes your way it will probably be because you completely stopped giving a flying youknowwhat about what they think of you. It seems to be about the only way it works for some people.

What am I suppose to do; keep up the good work looking for someone special who I have never found. But now I am older, with less single my age, more uglier and less hope.

I am not after the wrong girl; I just want someone to be there. Sometimes it is better to spend time with someone who isn’t ideal then to spend it in the most unromantic way possible, alone.

You're right... sometimes.

However, do you not have anything that drives you alone? Something that could become even more important than finding a partner?

Sorry to get depressing, but when you die, having someone there will not really make any difference.

Anyway companionship is a beautiful thing, however I've had plenty in the past, that loved an image of me I created, this made me even more miserable than being alone.

Logically my only answer is to be alone and if someone loves the real me I'll go for it, if no one does, I'll simply accept it and be alone.

This may not be an option for some, but a warning, if you repress aspects of yourself to be with someone, you will explode.