"I don't know what you want"

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My dilemma.

I'm not responsive enough to her needs.

I'm overly-responsive to her needs.


Each time my phone rings, I dread it being her.

When we're together, I love being with her.


On any given day, "I don't know what you want" seems to be my clueless mantra.


HELP!

I'm not sure if i get it right. Can you please rephrase your post?

I think that Rev is basically saying that he doesn't know what to do. He's totally and completly in love with the girl and it's hurting him.

My opinion? try and work it out bro,.

Of course; I'd be glad to do so.


I oscillate between caring for my needs (and tending to make her feel ignored) and becoming overly concerned with her needs (and tending to come off as a sycophant).

Further, I often say / do the wrong thing, or find myself in situations where (1) I don't know where her reaction came from, and (2) I don't understand what the situation requires.

Also, she complains that I don't show emotion enough, or fight for anything. I am just blase' and accepting, never registering much reaction.


I am left confused most of the time. I feel like I'm in a forest with no compass; I don't expect to perfectly understand her (what man understands women "perfectly"?), but I *do* want some sense of what's going on.


Thoughts?

The first question is. IS SHE AN NT!?

there's a fine line and you seem to be goign to one extreme and unforutnaly you haven't balanced them. you need to. then everything will work.

Yes, she's an NT.

I feel like the ability to "know" when to give of myself, and when to insist on conserving myself, is out of my reach. Like I have no compass. I don't understand the rules, what's expected, or even precisely what I feel.

Thoughts?

Does she know you're an Aspie?

cause that right there may be the one reason she may think you're "Weird."

She doesn't know specifically about AS, but we've discussed my tendencies and characteristics and she's accepted "that's just the way I am" and has even made a point to alter some of the ways she communicates with me.

I feel the issue is bigger than foibles. I feel like I'm just not comprehending some basic element to what being a boyfriend entails.

Join the club brother, join the club.

Hello. I don't know if you want any advice from an NT (female) but since I've received such good advice on this site, I'd like to reciprocate. I'm certainly no expert, however,
I'm in a relationship with wonderful Aspie guy, and it seems like you're having the same
sort of problems. Probably the thought of you telling your girlfriend that you have AS is really scary, however, I think that you must. If I didn't know that my guy has a sibling with AS AND if I didn't start reading up the subject I NEVER would have guessed.
I would have thought that he was just a selfish, rude, unfeeling jerk (sorry). Good communication is essential. It seems that you have to find a happy medium,moderation. There's so much more that I could add, though I'm not sure if you want to hear more. Good luck and please let me know if I can be of more help.

Oh now I get it!

Well, it takes some practise and concentration. ZMA(Zinc, mangesium, vitamin B6) and 5-HTP(Serotonin precursor) supplements have shown great effect in AS individuals. I am taking it myself and I am noticing that I am observing emotions in others easier than before. You can get it in health-food stores.

We aspies aren't really social handicaps. We just learn social codes and interaction slower. Practise makes perfect!

I'm an aspie girl and it takes a lot of cognitive thinking to figure out what people want.

AND Asking!!

I also need to ask myself how I would feel if I were him. Not easy. But writing things down on paper seems to help me when I'm working something out cognitively. It also helps to keep track of what works and what doesn't. I can always look back on the results of my actions if I write them down. I pass pretty easily as an NT these days.

Surprisingly enough, my boyfriend might have AS and he is saying the same things you are. I try to tell him exactly what he need to know to make me happy. I even keep my patience when I tell him I am looking for him to say.... But he gets really angry anyway. I don't know what to do with him. Maybe we can give each other a hand here with each other's relationships. I don't know if you want to, but I could use some help as I do care for by BF.