Not enough experience? What?

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Look on the bright side Op, you've dodged someone who is probably a compulsive liar.

In only have 3rd party experience with that kind of thing, but whenever I heard this "you are a nice guy, BUT..." talk (which remarkably often ended with: "I'm sure you will find someone amazing!") was because there was significant other (as in: she found someone she considers a better catch). As for the experience thing, it is like I already wrote somewhere else, at least for me, the conundrum of romantic relationships / dating: In order to get a date, you gotta get a date first (just a little alteration on: in order to get a girlfriend, you gotta get a girlfriend first). Don't let it get to you, someone like that is not even worth your attention.

She wasn't talking about sexual experience.. more experience being able to "handle someone who has been hurt in the past"

And to be honest, most people, even aspies are able to do that, so it was a lame excuse.

I agree. At least she isn't leading you on either so you can move on much easier. Rejecting someone is really hard, even when not in person. >.<

Lol, I can't judge, I've written stranger ones myself

She could be right about herself, perhaps chemistry felt off, could be a lot of things.

Once you know its not psychological but quite often instinct pulling at someone's sleeve to where they can't even think you tend to stop rating yourself quite as much by individual triumphs or letdowns.

I had a girl I liked (who turned out to be a not-so-nice person in the end) tell me, when I "confessed my feelings" to her as they say, that I didn't know what love was because I'd never had a girlfriend. (I was 19 at the time.)

I said in response, "I've got to start somewhere."

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She said one thing that might be a lie, and she's a compulsive liar? How does that follow?

Sounds like she was saying she has a lot of baggage that she doesn't think you (or anyone) can handle. Consider it a favour done and a bullet dodged.

She's got it all wrong anyway. Any guy with experience and wariness when it comes to dating would avoid her and her baggage like the plague. She's just projecting her own undesirability back onto you.

Well the whole story about borrowing the car from a friend is clearly nonsense for starters, but it's more to with the fact it took her two weeks to tell the OP she had changed her mind, with some pretty pathetic excuses.

It's obvious to me that she'd found someone else and didn't have the backbone to tell the OP, ironically she'd probably complain for weeks if someone did a similar thing to her.

That's pretty judgemental. You have no idea if another party is involved. I've turned down a lot of guys and I haven't got anyone else. Don't be so quick to assume, although I agree that what she is saying are excuses.

I'll admit it is quick to assume and jumping the gun so to speak, but I've been on the receiving end of similar tactics before, and believe me, it's not very nice.

The two gap between bailing on the original date with the OP and then turning him down does leave her open to questioning though.

If you never knew her very well, but told her you lacked relationship experience anyway, that probably wasn't such a good idea. I think it's good to wait to reveal these things rather than advertise them.

Otherwise, I'd agree that there is likely something going on that's totally beyond your control. She might have found someone else. She might also have decided she's just not that into you, probably by the time she made the excuse to leave earlier. I also knew people who heard something from someone about me and were subsequently turned off.

That's a really poor excuse.

Sounds like a vacuous bint, if you ask me. Someone who judges someone on lack of experience is not worth bothering with.

I agree with Hector. I don't know how old she is, but I suspect she was trying to find a nice way of saying that she just wasn't in to you. Clearly, she didn't do a good job.

However, I need to defend my gender: not all women are liars (as some have suggested.) I'm sure that my past is scattered with well-meaning blunders of trying to reject someone gently. I try to learn from my mistakes, and from others' mistakes -- so perhaps this is a good example of what NOT to do when you are planning on rejecting someone?

Just a thought. Hope it helps.

I had been talking to her on OK Cupid for a little while before the one date, and somewhere in that convo she had asked me if I had any previous dating experience and how long my relationships had lasted on average. I had mentioned that I never had a serious long term relationship, because for a while I was more focused on education and work - and now since I got a degree and a stable job I was looking for a relationship now.

She went into the date knowing I never had a girlfriend before.

As for the car borrowing - she said she lives in a place with 10 other people, most of them being originally from other parts of the country. Most of them don't have much money, and only a couple have cars. I knew one of her coworkers about a year ago, who however rode a bicycle to get around most places.


Ah well, I'm not concerned about her. I just found it funny the two week delay and pathetic excuses. I'm currently talking to some other gal on OkC and hopefully this one goes better.

Hanging out with you for an hour isn't what I call a "Good Night", sounds like she's using you to me...although she could very well be busy...and who borrows a car anyway? Can't she take a bus or something?

You are best of saying to her "I don't think it'll work out either" and see her reaction before saying "Girls who don't have time for me normally means they weren't interested in the first place, I hope we can still be friends"...and see what she says to that...if they start trying to make a comeback, just ignore it as it means the assumption was correct about her.

Just noticed you have moved on, that's good...but don't take the same from this next one.