to have sex or not to have sex with her

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hi folks,

i just dated some girl for 8 times or so, i am not 100% sure why, but it seems that she want to have sex with me, I just refused last time... . Actually i don't know her so well, she is from china, and i am not so familiar with that culture, she seems not bad, but I am not 100% sure if she just want to have sex, don't know if she likes me more than it seems, or just wants to get pregnant and get married, and me to pay the bill.

i feel attracted because she looks really nice, but i know her not good, and i don't love her, and i also can't imagine to marry her, no way, and actually i don't want to sleep with anyone i don't love. On the other side, i am now 30 and still a virgin, so i don't have any experience, and a friend told me that it might also be some "chance" for me, to take all this sex stuff not so serious, get some new experience, and anyhow many girls don't want anyone who doesn't have any experience, and so i should get some experience.

actually, i feel a bit depressed too, maybe thats the reason i think over it a second time, actually i am a extremely sensitive and moral person. I am just not so sure about my own beliefs any more.

So what do you think, is it morally good, bad? What would you do? Why? Isn't there in each case a very very little risk that she might get pregnant. And might it not be a bad idea, because of this, anyhow how small the chance might be?

thanks alot,
anton

I am kind of the opposite-I am in love with the person but they arent with me and I am still a virgin and would love to experience it but it for some reason I feel it will never happen as I am too old fat and ugly.

Valid points.

But in the end, sex is what it is. Just figure out if you trust the girl, and if you like the girl.....

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt160558.html

Yeah, I really think that being pressured into sex is a bad thing. I have a feeling that's what's happening in your case. Yes, no matter the precautions, there is always a chance for pregnancy. Condoms break, birth control pills aren't 100%. I'm not trying to scare you from having sex. If you feel it's right and something you really want to do, have sex. If you feel obligated to do it, don't.

Being unsure and having sex makes the experience super awkward for both partners. I've been there. I never really enjoyed sex until it was someone I truly enjoyed being around. I thought I was strange though. A lot of people talk about have sex after 3 dates or so, but I feel that number is way higher to make the experience right.

If I were a guy, I wouldn't appreciate a woman who intitiates sex - I would not like that. When they initiate, it means that they're up to something selfish.

antonblock - stop overthinking it and have a good time. If you're concerned about pregnancy, use a condom. They're a pain, but its better than letting paranoia keep you from enjoying yourself. If you're uncomfortable buying them, order them online.

You need to do this, and its actually helpful when you're just starting out to have a partner who's somewhat more sexually aggressive than yourself. Forget about love, sex and love are related only in romance stories, in real life they are often mutually exclusive. Your chances of having future sex partners will increase dramatically once you have EXPERIENCE. You may not feel a lot different after, but females will sense the change in you. You really need to pass this milestone, it will change your life. Even if its awkward, its an experience you need to get through, because each time you'll only get better at it, especially if you make it priority one to make it as great for your partner as you possibly can. Before you can do that, you have to get started, so you'll know how things work.

Concentrate on taking your time, think about something you find really boring, anything that distracts your brain can help. Well, other than making loud noises and barking like a dog.

And FYI, you might want to rub one out yourself before she arrives, otherwise that first time will be over before you know what happened, and that would be kind of embarrassing.

Good luck, soldier!

If you don't have exceptionally high morals, such as saving yourself for marriage...then why not just tell yourself that you are going to do it. That way, you have it in your mind that you will, and then when the time is right...you will know. Everybody needs a little sex now and then, it's good for the spirit.

go for it bro. you gotta rub out the easy one first so you can step up the game for round 2

hi folks,

thanks so far for your interesting answers. I think one more general question behind my post is the following: Does having sex with anyone - be it some woman you are not in love with - help you to overcome your "social askwardness"?

yes, it may boost your self esteem, you may behave abit more relaxed, but I am not sure, if my self esteem should be build upon this. May selfesteem based on my moral standards and my feeling of being good may decrease too.

In the past, I didn't date, because most woman where not the ones would like to marry, which was clear pretty soon. However, I started now dating more, and became abit more familiar with nonverbal cues and how to show that I am interested in the other person. Elsewise I wouldn't have got so far. I feel better that I am more experienced in dating now, but I am not sure if its the same thing with experience in sex.

Without experiencing in dating I might not get my dream girl, but what about experience in sex? Usually I would have guess that if she is truely my dream girl, then she may be annoyed when i miss her social cues, but I would assume that she isn't annoyed when I am sexually unexperienced. What do you think?

thanks,
anton